Courtship and Engagement | Part 2

by Elouise

It’s the early 1960s. I’m at a conservative Bible college in the Deep South. I now have a serious boyfriend, David (D). Along with other single students, we live according to the rules. Bible college rules, and the unwritten social rules of the Deep South.

We don’t talk about sexuality directly; we make rules to regulate it. You’ll learn about this when you’re married.

Don’t worry. You’ll know what to do, or figure it out. Right now just keep the rules. That’s the best way to be sure you’re ready. If you have problems, pray about it and be sure you keep the rules. You can talk to the proper Dean if you need someone to talk to.

For women, the key rule is to submit to men and accept responsibility for the moral climate of the campus. If you women have problems with this, you need to pray and ask for a submissive spirit instead of a questioning or domineering spirit. Maybe God doesn’t want you to marry.

No one ever says women students can’t ask men to marry them. They don’t have to; it goes without saying. And so, along with other single women, I say nothing and play The Waiting Game.

I also watch D, and notice right away that he and I are different.

D has things to do, places to go, people he wants to meet, books he wants to read. He makes lists. He has ambitions. He even has a plan for his life! How strange.

My plan is to be available in case some man wants to marry me. Remember? I Don’t Do Dreams. With one exception. Here’s the excerpt, for your convenience. I’m thinking out loud about which college I’m going to attend and why.

Dreams?
Come to think of it,
I do have a few.
They’re about meeting my Prince Charming.
I know I don’t have much of a chance.
Nobody seems very interested in me now.
I’m not very pretty, I can’t go to parties and dances,
And I don’t have an outgoing personality.

But who knows? I’m not counting on it, but
Maybe I’ll find someone to love me and sweep me off my feet.
A lot of women go to this [Bible] college and find men there.

So now I’m at the Bible college, and I think D is my Prince Charming. I’m delirious with joy. Who would have guessed I would ever have lucked out like this?

About six months after our first date in Dallas, I’m ready for the big question. That Christmas, D comes to Savannah to meet my parents and spend a little time with me. He’s a senior; I’m a junior.

It’s Christmas Eve. D asks if we can spend some time alone. Yes, of course! We sit down in my parents’ living room on the sofa, Christmas tree lights sparkling and Christmas candles glowing. We’re alone.

D says he wants to talk about something. He reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out an index card. He made notes so he wouldn’t forget anything! I’m more than ready for this conversation. I don’t need notes.

The index card has two columns of writing. D explains that he’s been thinking about us a lot lately, and begins telling me what’s on the card. The first column is wonderful—all the reasons why we should become engaged. I agree with every one of them. My heart is racing.

Then he begins going down the second column. It seems a bit longer than the first column. I can’t say I disagree with any of his points. I just don’t get the point! The point, explained to me by D, is that he’s not yet sure I’m the one.

I’m thinking this man has over-thought this issue. He keeps going. In fact, he is so unsure that he has decided not to ask me to marry him at this time. He wants to know what I think about this.

I’m flabbergasted. Do I tell him what I think? NO! Do I let him know how shocked and disbelieving I am? NO! I want to marry this man. I’ll just have to wait a bit longer. After all, he’s the leader. Right?

To be continued….

© Elouise Renich Fraser, 13 March 2015