Dear Mom | Missing You
by Elouise
Dear Mom,
I’m sitting here trying to put together a really nice letter for Mother’s Day. So far I’m getting nowhere. It isn’t because I don’t have ideas. It’s because I’m feeling a little lost today, and my ideas seem to be falling flat on their faces.
Last week was sad. Sister #2’s husband died, leaving us all gaping at the huge hole this left in our family. Sort of like the huge hole left when you died. Like yours, his death was relatively peaceful. Though he was in pain, his caregivers found a way to manage it so that his children and his nine grandchildren could be with him and Sister #2 when he died.
Some deaths are difficult. I’ve been reading a small book by Henri Nouwen called In Memoriam. It’s about his mother’s death. He talks about how many deaths he witnessed as a priest. Most were peaceful; some were difficult.
His mother’s death turned out to be difficult. This surprised him, though not totally. She often told him she feared death because she didn’t believe she’d been a very upstanding person. Maybe she didn’t feel ready.
I wonder how it will be for me? There have been times in my life when I know I didn’t feel ready. My worst nightmare was that my own fears would be proven true. That is, that I’ve lived a life unworthy of anything but judgment. Which is, of course, true.
Nonetheless, I don’t have this nightmare anymore. I know that whatever happens, I’m in the hands of a gracious God. Yet I do wonder what will be the manner and spirit of my death. And who will be with me.
Last week, the day after D and I heard the news about Sister #2’s husband, we spent the day at Longwood Gardens. It was a gorgeous day, with spring leaves and flowers bursting their seams. Lots of reminders about the way life and death are distinct and closely related. Here are more photos. This time we focused on the Meadow and the Flower Walk. That’s a tree swallow below.
The Meadow Garden had been trimmed for spring and summer, leaving some ground cover for birds and small animals. This is only a fraction of the meadow. Great for hiking.
Near the pond we saw several varieties of fern just beginning to unfurl. To me, this is more beautiful than their adult incarnations. Sort of like children–sweet and fresh. Newly minted!
Finally, the flower walk. Here are some beauties, beginning with a look at one end of the walk. Colors are arranged with warm colors at one end, cool colors at the other. Here’s a sampling: tulips, lilies of the valley, lily tulips and coreopsis.
Thanks for listening to my sadness about last week. It’s exactly what I needed right now. Have a happy day!
Love and hugs,
Elouise
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 10 May 2015
Photo credit: DAFraser, 29 April 2015
Telling the Truth 
I wonder how it will be for me? So we are talking about death again. That’s good – we don’t talk about death enough, because we are afraid of it. But our fear is really about the process of dying, the pain the often accompanies death. If we have faith in God we need not fear death itself. Instead, we should rejoice that we will be with Jesus. Leta says she wants a “bon voyage” party, not a funeral when she goes.
“…whatever happens, I’m in the hands of a gracious God.” Yes, indeed. Thank you, Elouise, for this post. It makes one think.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi, Waldo. Yes, I think you’re right on target about the manner of our death. The process. As for Leta’s wish, it’s fine by me if I can do the party/celebration and a bit of grieving. Both are needed–probably for those left behind, not necessarily for our dearly departed loved ones. I’ve also sometimes felt relief, given the reality of suffering that preceded death.
Elouise
LikeLike
Thank you for the Longwood pics here and elsewhere. Today they really struck me, as Natalie and I visited there a number of times when we were in Seminary.
It strikes me that in gardens there is a real co-creation going on between us and God, a place where walking with God is easier, as it isn’t about a goal, but simply being.
Happy Mothers Day!
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a lovely and perceptive comment. Thanks, David, for that and for the Happy Mothers Day greeting!
Elouise
LikeLike
Hello Elouise, I think that I’ll have to write a post for my mum too. I think I’ll sent it to Mickgorman. If you read it you’ll understand.
About dying – my main worry is that I have so much left to do. And I also worry – much more than you do – that I’ve not done all I should have – I have spent almost all my life running away from God and it worries me.
Anyway, your post are a real blessing. Thanks.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome, John. As for you and God, I’m counting on God outrunning you! Thanks for your comments, and for the heads-up about the post for your mum. I’ll definitely check it out.
Elouise
LikeLiked by 1 person
Beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome. And thanks for reading and commenting.
Elouise
LikeLike
Reblogged this on Telling the Truth and commented:
Last night as I slept, one of my followers visited this Mother’s Day post from May 2015 and left a like. It includes several of D’s gorgeous photos from Longwood Gardens. To my surprise, it cheered me up this morning, though the subject matter is a bit heavy. I hope you also enjoy it. Elouise
LikeLike
We never stop missing our loved ones. I miss my mother every single day.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So true….Thanks, Beth.
LikeLike
I wonder why those of a religious bent fear death and dying, we atheists don’t, well at least I know I don’t and those I know personally are of a similar mind. We all believe in death with dignity at a time of our own choosing where possible.
I might have to move to Oregon or Colorado, though I doubt they’d allow a foreigner the privilege 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t agree that we necessarily fear death and dying. Sometimes people fear harsh judgment when they die. My father did, and he fought death tooth and nail. Still, I don’t think anyone looks forward to pain, suffering, and ‘indignities’, which often accompany death and dying. With you, I believe dignity in death is incredibly important–even though there’s great debate about whether we should be able to name the time and manner of our death. My sister Diane, who died of ALS in 2006, named the time and manner of her death. It was a medical decision that ended her life two months later. The most difficult part for her and for us was saying goodbye to each other–knowing we would sorely miss each other, though in different ways. As for allowing a foreigner the privilege (in Oregon or Colorado), that would take a little research! 🙂
I’m happy to see this comment because it proves you were still alive and kicking at the time you sent it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think in a sense it’s a form of hypocrisy for those who believe in a heaven spent forever in a state of bliss with their departed brethren in the presence of the chosen deity ( the mad martyrs excluded- although they think they’re going for an eternity of debauchery with their 78 virgins who will not stay that way for long) to NOT want to die and get up/down where ever.
Why would your father fight dying tooth and nail, unless in truth, he had serious doubts about his religion and a hereinafter?
If next week after further tests to see if I do have bowel cancer or not they prove positive I would certainly welcome the opportunity that your sister, Diane, had.
I’m still alive,not kicking much, have had a few bad days, but things are looking up at the moment. I’m in a catch up phase at the moment,
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Brian. I don’t follow your logic. Leaving beloved friends and family members behind isn’t exactly what I’d call delightful. As for my father, his doubts were about himself and his shame–passed along to him by his angry father. I think he also feared God would judge him harshly.
I’m glad to hear things are looking up for you right now. 🙂
LikeLike
well if your friends and family are of the same mind surely they would believe that they were going to all meet up again sooner rather than later and all spend the rest of eternity singing hymns and saying prayers together.
Hmmm , I think the martyrs are going to have more fun 😈
LikeLiked by 1 person
sending you my Love, understanding your loss by my own experience
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much for your comment, including reference to your own experience. My mother and I finally found each other only a handful of years before she died.
LikeLike