Lord, I am weary of the way
by Elouise
This poem is for anyone who, like Amy Carmichael, finds life changed in a heartbeat. Anytime. Anywhere. My comments follow.
A Burdened Awakening
My thoughts had said:
Lord, I am weary of the way;
I am afraid to face another day—
Frustrated, limited,
Guarded, Confined wherever I would go
By close-set “cannots,” That like hedge grow
About me now. And then our dear Lord said,
“I am about thy bed.”
Amy Carmichael, Mountain Breezes: The Collected Poems of Amy Carmichael, p. 329;
© 1999, The Dohnavur Fellowship, published by Christian Literature Crusade. First published in Though the Mountains Shake, 1943
* * * * *
Amy Carmichael was 76 years old when this poem was published. For more than 10 years before that, she had been confined to her room. She suffered from many ailments including such things as acute neuritis in one arm and arthritis in her back. Possibly because of an accident in 1931.
That year, Amy’s never-stop, never-say-no, never-give-up life came abruptly to an end. She spent almost all the next 20 years confined to her room before she died in 1951. Pain was her constant companion.
Suddenly she was dependent on others, not in charge anymore. Every day and night she dealt with physical, emotional and spiritual demons. She worked hard to maintain faith and her naturally cheerful spirit.
This isn’t just old age. This is old age magnified by unexpected tragedy.
I resist the thought that in old age I could be confined like this. I’ve defined my life chiefly in terms of productivity. I’m making a contribution to humanity. I’m not sitting around expecting others to wait on me. I get up and walk at will.
Then I read Amy’s poem. From the opening line, it seems the following words represent what she would like to say to God about her situation. This includes her anguish about the ever-growing list of things she cannot, must not do.
Her thoughts are interrupted by the voice of her “dear Lord” who says simply, “I am about thy bed.” That’s all. Just five words. No explanations, apologies or attempts to make her feel better.
It seems the Lord knows exactly what to do and say. Perhaps because he’s been there, cut off from every avenue of escape and facing an unknown future. And so he offers to Amy what he can: his presence and his compassion.
I can’t help thinking about military personnel, refugees, trafficked persons, victims of earthquakes, bombs, avalanches, abuse, accidents, sudden death and disabilities of all kinds. Lives traumatized, changed in an instant no matter who they are or how they’ve lived their lives. Being human means being vulnerable.
Amy’s poem is a gift for anyone whose life has been turned upside down. Amy wasn’t alone. Neither are we. I’m counting on it, one moment at a time.
“I am about thy bed.”
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 23 May 2015
Thank you for this, Elouise. I need these words myself, these days…most days, because, as you say, the limitations and disappointments of life extend beyond the physical, and knowing that I am not alone, but the Lord is “about my bed” is crucial – always!
LikeLike
You’re so welcome, Debbie. Thanks for your good words this morning. This seems to be a season of limitations, disappointments and painful change. You’re not alone.
Elouise
LikeLike
Yes…Jesus, still our Emmanuel, in it “for the long haul” with us…God with us. The redemption-point in our sufferings, I think. We are free (invited even) to lament…and Jesus knows.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So wellsaid
LikeLike
Sorry…trying again, Nancy. So well said, from any point of view. Thank you 💜
LikeLike
Thank you Elouise, for giving us that poem. It is beautiful.
I am thankful that, so far, I am not confined to any great deegree. I am frail and have limited energy, but I can still do pretty much what I want. Three weeks ago we went to a nearby state park and had a cookout in the woods to celebrate my youngest son’s 50th birthday. Leta went with him on the lake in a canoe. And right now I am in North Carolina visiting my oldest son and his family, and my daughter.
So I get around and enjoy life. But if the time comes when I am confined, I wil remember Amy’s words – that the Lord is about my bed.
LikeLike
You’re welcome, Waldo. I appreciate your personal reflections about your own experience just now. I’m happy to hear you’re in North Carolina today, visiting family members–getting around and enjoying life. And yes, the Lord is about your bed. Now and always.
Elouise
LikeLike
Reblogged this on guam ~ in'.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi, Naomi. Thanks for the reblog while I was sound asleep last night! Very nice surprise just now.
Elouise
LikeLike
Thank you so much for this post….it really helped me today. 🙂 Be blessed. Lisa
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re so welcome. I’m happy you found it! Take care, Lisa.
Elouise
LikeLike
Thank God we are never alone in the midst of our struggles.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Indeed. I pray all is well for you during this sometimes wearying time of year.
Elouise
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes all is well. Hopefully all is well for you as well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, well with my soul.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Always good to hear!
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for your thoughts.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome, Clay.
Elouise
LikeLike
Reblogged this on Telling the Truth and commented:
Reading through my older posts, I found this gem, published over two years ago. I needed to hear it today. Perhaps you might find it encouraging as well. It’s my offering for this week’s Sabbath. Elouise
LikeLike