A vexing situation – Sexuality 5
by Elouise
I’m tired of dancing around the politics of sexuality, whether proclaimed by the church and church-related institutions, or by political parties on both sides of all aisles.
All my life I’ve lived by other people’s agendas. Toed the line (most of the time). Made sure I didn’t cause a problem for the powers that be (even though I did).
For a change, this is my agenda: As a follower of Jesus Christ, I am to
- love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul and mind
- love my neighbor as I love myself
- love myself
It couldn’t be simpler or more terrifying than that. Those three, taken together, are my bottom lines. Any attempt to gain my loyalty or affirmation falls short if it requires me to add or subtract from this list.
If I were applying to teach at a seminary and made the first cut of candidates, I might say something like this to the search committee.
- I would like to hear from each of you about your personal journey, including things you’ve struggled with in your life, and how this affects the way you relate to seminarians, particularly regarding sexuality. In return, I’m committed to sharing the same thing with you about my struggles, and the way this has affected my work with seminarians, both male and female.
Perhaps this is unrealistic or unfair. In any case, I don’t think I would get many takers.
I am now and have always been an outlier about sexuality. Partly due to my troubled past with my father. But also because of multiple friendships with gay men and lesbian women, my own troubled past, and fear of being drummed out if people don’t believe me or, more likely, find me unworthy.
When it comes to sexuality, no one has an undamaged mind, heart or body. In addition to relentless private victimization, the advent of ritualized, commercialized pornographic images and social media voyeurism makes a mockery of our felt need to root out those who flagrantly (publicly or privately) violate their own sexuality or the sexuality of others. We have been sinned against, and we have knowingly and unknowingly passed along our anguish.
Finally, though this post is about men as well as women, we women have more to lose when it comes to sexuality.
Nonetheless, if we women keep arguing and distancing ourselves from each other, we’ve lost even more. It doesn’t matter whether we’re homosexual, heterosexual, transgendered or bisexual. It doesn’t matter what color we are or how many husbands or partners we’ve had, or what we have or haven’t done in our pasts. What matters are areas of common concern, and taking initiative to meet each other around those issues, even though it may mean meeting some sisters for the first time.
I’m a dreamer. So was Jesus Christ. As one of his followers, how can I refuse to go where he went? Yes, it’s a kind of death. But the kind that passes life along to our daughters and sons, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, neighbors, and even to ourselves.
As always, many thanks for listening.
Elouise♥
©Elouise Renich Fraser, 9 April 2018
Thank you, Elouise. Keep on writing…it’s thought-provoking, and when thoughts are provoked, there’s no telling what good movement can occur – internally and externally…
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome, Debbie, and a great big thank you for your comment.
LikeLike
I like your agenda. I’m thinking a reflection on sexuality that is not moralistic but built upon your stated agenda could be really helpful to the church and world. From intra to inter personal relationships to power, money and survival these core statements could help lead a discussion to a healthier path for society.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks, David! I like your comment, and agree that going in the ‘moralistic’ door gets us pretty much nowhere–and probably left out and way behind. My first experience working with a politically active group of women was when I was a seminarian. I was the seminary’s representative to this ecumenical group. We were, as the title says, “Women Committed to Women.” It was a wonderful experience–and included some who probably wouldn’t apply or be admitted to the seminary as you and I knew it years ago. I had a similar experience at Vanderbilt University, where we had a diverse group of women working together on late 1970s issues regarding women. Being clear about why we’re here (and not here) is so important. We desperately need each other. I’m sure the same is true for men, as well, though I’m not as clear about how that might happen.
LikeLiked by 1 person
As always, thank you for sharing your struggles. Your responses are enlightening and inspiring. I would be interested in hearing (sometime) how your interaction with scripture has affected you on your journey. This seems to be the crux of much of the debate in Christendom about sexuality.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s been a good exercise for me, so I’m grateful if it helps others think about this topic. You suggestion is good, and I’ll think about how I might write about that for another day.
LikeLike
I have taught in three so called schools – one Baptist, one RC and one Pentecostal. In the Baptist school we had one gay teacher (1970s) who was accepted by most of his colleagues and the students. Because it was back then and I was only a young teacher I don’t know how he felt. In the Pentecostal school (1990s) there was zero chance than anyone with even a wavering chance of being anything but ‘straight’ would have been employed. It was more important that stood and waved your arms in the air when the ‘praise team’ were belting out Christian Rock music.
In the small Catholic school (1980s) there were at least four gays men and one gay woman. In all four cases each had some form of leadership role. And it was a cheerful and welcoming school.
When I was being interviewed I said that as a Protestant who knew little about Catholicism I was concerned that in the course of classroom discussions I might unwittingly express thing that were contrary to Catholic doctrine. I still remember exactly what I was told. “That’s perfectly OK, John. Feel free to be yourself. As long as you don’t mind if I want to come in and contradict you. Anyway if you make a good point maybe we need to have a good look at ourselves now and then.”
The only sad case in that school was when one of the men became HIV positive and the Principal was put under pressure to fire him. He thought over the matter for about two months but eventually the teacher had to go.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Great stories, John. I remember well the early days of HIV and all the panic. Not just about the disease, but about it being a curse sent to punish gay men. So I have a question. Did you figure out how to wave your arms properly when the praise team did its thing? If so, I could use a lesson….something in me just can’t quite get with it like that.
LikeLike
No, I lied to the Principal and told him I had tinnitus and the drums gave a headache and I would be unable to take a class for about an hour so from then on I was allowed to walk out while the rock concert was on.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Brilliant!
LikeLike
I love this, too, and I’m right there with you. We need to struggle with the hard questions. I’m dreaming of a world where gender and sexuality are no longer seen as either/or, but as everyone in a different place on a continuum and in process!
Blessings, Natalie
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Natalie. Often, either/or scenarios over-simplify things like sexuality. Which can be as frustrating as those awful forced choices on personality tests!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Someone asked me, in all seriousness, how she should relate to someone with disabilities. She is young, newly married, sweetly optimistic. I thought, “Oh, help me here, God!” and the answer was simple.
If you can be authentically yourself, you will have no problems knowing how to relate; and if you can be authentically yourself, that will be enough to be getting on with.
She called me a genius, I kissed her cheek, and we parted good friends. 🙂 Who cares about the politics? Authenticity is the only answer we need. xxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for this wonderful comment, Fran. I’d say you’re a genius too, for turning her question into a moment of self-discovery (about herself and her capacity to relate to people). For some, finding and living by their authentic self is a challenge. Sometimes other peoples’ politics (or our shame and sense of being less-than) get in the way. Yet if God trusts us (which I believe is the case), it can only help if we’re willing to trust ourselves, even though we may not always be happy with the outcomes. Yay for making a new friend! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! 😀 T’was very cool and unexpected. ((xxx))
LikeLiked by 1 person