The way from here
by Elouise
The way from here
Grows narrow
A finely chiseled path
From this life
To a world as unknown
As life beyond
The womb
When did birthing begin
And when will it end?
Wondering out loud
I search for midwives
To encourage me now
As in the past
How many and for how long
I cannot say
As I set out on another adventure
Another letting go
Another arrival
Somewhere
Into the waiting hands
And hearts of those
Who love me in life
And in death
How do we learn to die? How do we learn to give birth? How do we learn to say enough is enough? Or no, thank you, I’m not going to opt into our reigning medical model of trying whatever can be tried in order to live a bit longer. Comfort care is one thing; unrealistic hope for healing is something else.
My waking dream this morning led to the poem above. The dream suggested I need help, a midwife or two, to get through the last pieces of my journey on this earth. I might even need to become a midwife to myself. Not just by reading books, but by seeking out professionals to help me navigate what lies ahead.
I anticipate writing and talking about how this works out for me, and commenting on books I’ve been reading. My major guide will be a palliative care doctor I spoke with today. She won’t replace my other wonderful doctors. Instead, she’ll help me work with medical personnel, family members and others. I’m not willing to stay alive at all costs. So how will I get from here to there?
Today has been an up and down day. Lots of emotion about making the telephone call, and huge relief when the doctor said she would take me on. I know this isn’t a very popular topic. So I’m especially grateful if you’ve read to this point.
With hope, gratitude and a teeny tiny sense of adventure for what lies ahead,
Elouise♥
©Elouise Renich Fraser, 2 July 2019
Photo found at bastyr.edu
I do hope your concerns are not caused by something more than just apprehension. I rather think that worrying too much can have aggravating effect on the thing we are concerning ourselves over. I had to go down to Melbourne yesterday for a consultation with a specialist. It was quite enjoyable in a couple of ways. It helped me make a decision I had been avoiding, but most of all I had a good chance to sit and chat with my son.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Good for you! As for my concerns, they’re more about not getting caught in endless attempts to fix me, whether I want fixing or not. I know other countries have more patient friendly options than we do. So taking steps now becomes important in helping get all the right people on board with the patient’s wishes.
LikeLike
I know what you mean. My doctors have spent the last six months making it very clear what my alternatives were and making sure it was my choice in the end.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s wonderful. Good for you, your doctors, and Australia! 🇦🇺
LikeLike
Palliative Care is a wonderful service not yet offered everywhere. We are fortunate to have such a team here in Williamsport Area and it was a true blessing to be part of the team for a number of years. I feel fortunate to continue to relate with many of the team.
Being pregnant has many more meanings than what we may have considered even for males. The picture captures the written words so well. Learning how to live in the hands of pure
Love ❤️Blessings to you Elouise!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for this comment, Dave. I hope this approach grows quickly. I’m grateful to have found a doctor with lots of experience and a great team. As for being pregnant, Yes! It’s more than having babies. 👶
LikeLike
Elouise – Superb. Haunting yet inviting. I look forward to hearing you out. Meg
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Meg!
LikeLike
Wonderful post, Elouise. I was on palliative care for two years and it is so good. I am on hospice now and it’s also good. God bless you, my friend.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Bill,
Thanks so much for this comment and report about your status. It sounds like you’re in good hands, even though it means going through yet more grief. As you can imagine, Diane is my model for dying, though palliative care was unheard of back then. I wrote a bit about it here: https://wp.me/p32tHJ-7fw. I don’t have anything so dramatic as ALS; I am, however, dealing with multiple health issues and my own reluctance to live into this stage of my life (75 years old), no matter how long or short it may be. I’ll hold you and Mary in my prayers–along with your family and all the angels assisting you along the way. I’m so grateful our paths crossed.
Elouise
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing health problems, Elouise. I wish palliative care was an option back when Diane and I were diagnosed. It is a rare win-win; it saves Medicare so much money and saves the patient a lot of hassles of going to the doctor…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hugs of love and encouragement from Paris, Elouise! ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Debbie! 💜💕
LikeLike