thick roots revisited
by Elouise
thick roots tangled knots
barely hanging onto bank
drink deep waters
The last several days have been unpredictable and sometimes discouraging. I keep reminding myself that I’m not in charge of things. The news these days isn’t great. Even so, every day offers an opportunity to look up, look back, look ahead, and take another step. I wrote the following comments in April 2017.
~~~
This haiku was my third post to this blog, published on 3 January 2014. It still haunts me, though not in the same way.
I first saw these roots when D and I were walking with our daughter and her husband through Hoyt Arboretum in Portland, Oregon. I couldn’t tear my eyes away. The tangled roots were beautiful and foreboding.
It was a bit like blogging, which I’ve experienced as a formidable venture into unknown territory. Like being born and surviving. Sometimes against all odds.
Writing lets my exposed roots show, often whether I realize they’re showing or not. Writing also stakes my claim to a tiny, precarious plot of land that sits open, vulnerable and visible to passersby.
I’ve traveled a long way since my early posts, yet my roots are still my roots. Bare, and barely hanging onto precious ground that’s stronger, deeper, and more nourishing than I could have imagined.
Deep waters aren’t visible, and they don’t untangle all the knots in my life. Sometimes I wonder whether they’re drying up.
Yet even in dire circumstances, I discover more than enough to get me through each day. Sometimes with tears of sorrow and disbelief. More often with joy and sheer gratitude for the privilege of being human. Able to thrive in the forest next to redwood giants, with miniscule ferns growing around and from my feet.
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 26 April 2017, and 16 February 2021
Photo credit: DAFraser, October 2012, Hoyt Arboretum, Portland, Oregon
Telling the Truth 
What a fabulous picture, Elouise!
I’m sorry the last few days have been discouraging. What has been happening?
Marilyn
________________________________
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi, Marilyn. Thanks for your comment and question. The photo happens to be one of my favorites, even though it doesn’t look all beautiful and together. For the past month and more I’ve been working on my book of poetry, with monumental help from David. I’m now down to final proofreading. Sadly, it has cut into my writing time–which I’m eager to reclaim. As for our nation, realities staring us in the face keep adding up, without easy solutions. Thanks again for asking. I think of you and your crew often, and pray your work will help ease the way for people without the options and support some of us have.
LikeLike
Glad you were able to put aside your depression and write your post, it was a good one.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Betty. It’s difficult to know what to call this state I’ve been in. I’ve been working on a small book of poems, which has taken more time than I thought it would. I’m happy to say I’m getting near the end of the tunnel!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Elouise, I meant to tell you in my comment that the picture of the tree and its roots system is exactly how I have felt mentally this past year. In may we made a major move and my health took a move for the worst. Three times in hospital, kidney failing, Covid, still more kidney issues. But the worst part has not been the physical but the mental strain my brain has been under. I have a book I am working on, on forgiveness and wouldn’t you know I have discovered a few more things I need to forgive someone close to me about. I do see a light at the end of the tunnel, just need to keep my eyes on it. I too would not be able to totally explain my state at this time…but I am hopeful for the other side of it where I do believe an answer is awaiting me. I will pray for you.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Dear Betty,
Thanks so much for this comment. You are under incredible stress. I can relate to kidney issues–also broken jaw, heart problems and childhood PTSD. And now here we are with Covid changing everything. I take it (from your comment) that you’ve had Covid. Your plate is very full.
For whatever it’s worth, my kidney issues are helped most by a virtually vegan diet. I’m beyond grateful for my Vitamix (to liquify or chop up food), blogging as a way of finding my voice, my psychotherapist of many years, family and friends who’ve supported me (especially in the last 10 years), our cat Smudge, listening to and playing music, quiet times of doing ‘nothing’, journaling, reading, meditating, praying, and walking outside when the weather allows it. I don’t know how old you are. I’m 77. Sometimes I feel as though it took this long to begin healing, even though I’ve also had to accept physical limits I never expected.
I’m praying for you. If you’re interested, I’ve included below links to a series of pieces I wrote about blame (always difficult for me). I’ve also learned how important it is to have a forgiving spirit toward myself. Not just toward those who did harm to me.
Here are links to three pieces on Blame, in order: https://wp.me/p32tHJ-XH, https://wp.me/p32tHJ-11d, https://wp.me/p32tHJ-1HL
Elouise
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am 74 and it’s taken me a long time to receive healing. Actually until I got saved, became a believer in Jesus Christ and accept His unconditional love for me did my healing start. It’s still ongoing. For sure we must forgive ourselves. Thanks for the link, I will check them out. Blessings.
LikeLiked by 2 people
You’re welcome, Betty. Praying for you as you write…. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person