Where and Who am I?

This morning I looked out our kitchen window just as a beautiful adult Flicker landed on one of our birdbaths. Stunning. Sure of himself. And most of all, grateful for a drink of water.

I sometimes wonder these days why I’m still alive. Not because I wish I were dead, but because it seems there’s nothing left for me in this life. Which, of course, I know is a Great Big Lie.

Weather. Politics. War. Famine. Floods. Typhoons. Hurricanes. Fires. Merciless Killings. Fear.

All of it, or even some of it by itself is More Than Enough. The value of one soul seems to have plunged to the bottom of the heap. And I wonder every day, Why am I still here?

No, I’m not sitting here doing nothing. There are people and programs needing all the help they can get. Still, fatigue comes on quickly. Especially with the hot summer we’ve had. But more than that is going on in me.

Today, if all goes well, I’ll enjoy a walk with D in our neighborhood. If all goes extremely well, I’ll see some birds I recognize, or have a short conversation with a neighbor also out for a walk.

Isn’t this enough? I don’t know. I wonder sometimes how, where and when we’re supposed to learn to be old people. Especially old people at home. By the time we take care of our aging bodies, or finish the bare necessities (laundry, cooking, a teeny tiny bit of cleaning), what have we accomplished?

One thing is clear: I love blogging. I don’t love all the changes WordPress has made. Still, while I have my little corner, I’m happy to be part of the human race with all its agony and ecstasy. Especially now.

Thanks for stopping by and reading. I wonder, what gets you through a tough day or a hard night?

Elouise♥

© Elouise Renich Fraser, 16 September 2023
Photo taken by DAFraser, February 2015; Flicker in our holly tree enjoying free lunch