It’s 1954. We just finished breakfast, and are sitting around the dinner table. Sister #4 is about one year old. Mother is holding her at one end of the table. Daddy is sitting at the ‘head’ of the table. Sisters #2 and #3 and I are present. We don’t know it, but Sex Ed 101 for Daughters is about to begin. Read the rest of this entry »
light-hearted gusts send
brilliant cotton clouds tumbling
across sea-blue sky
* * * * *
the storm
passed last night
today’s air is clean, strong, heady Read the rest of this entry »
Am I ready? Never. But I want to begin somewhere. So here goes.
Jesus, Mary and all other daughters of Eve
Female bodies were not celebrated in my family. Too bad. When I was a child and young teenager my female body was regularly ignored, observed, commented upon, shamed, ridiculed, Read the rest of this entry »
January 9, 1996, 9:00pm, Philadelphia
The phone rings. Hi. It’s Diane. I’m not well – no easy way to tell you – not post-polio, but ALS – I’m going to need help, a lot of help. I hang up and go downstairs, weeping as I tell my family the news.
January 30, 1996, late afternoon, Houston
I walk off the plane and see Diane standing in front of a pillar. Small floral print on navy dress, empire waist and smocked bodice – ivory stockings – very pretty – gold chains – hair highlights in blond – stoop-shouldered and slow. Read the rest of this entry »
The last line of the dream names my hunger: “She seems lonely for someone to talk with about real life.” Other parts of the dream identify behaviors I might want to leave behind, and a few unexpected personal capacities and resources. This post focuses on my hunger, and describes how things begin falling apart. Read the rest of this entry »
Hunger. A fierce, relentless presence. Sometimes for food when I was a child, later for sisterly conversation. Not friendly polite talk, but safe, open, honest two-way conversation about our fears, agonies and dreams as we were growing up in the 1950s.
It wasn’t that we consciously chose not to talk with each other as sisters; it just wasn’t safe. Besides, back then I wasn’t aware of being hungry for this. I focused instead on staying out of trouble. Sadly, I didn’t pull that off very well. Read the rest of this entry »
My father set out to attain one goal: to break my will. So did he? Back then I would have argued that he most certainly did NOT break my will! See how much spunk I still have in me? Just listen to the angry voices in my head! I might be sitting down on the outside, but I’M DEFINITELY STANDING UP ON THE INSIDE! Read the rest of this entry »
When did it all begin?
When did I enter your supply chain?
When did I become a commodity, a disposable object
not for sale but for use on demand,
with or without pay?
When did I become your toy
to imagine as prey,
to stalk, hunt down,
toss around and torment
with or without warning? Read the rest of this entry »
silhouetted high
atop a bare tree the dove
coos a mourning song
* * *
non-judgmental, calm, soothing
predictable, unhurried, hypnotic
soft, clear, ubiquitous
unobtrusive, gentle, alert
present, unyielding, quiet
reassuring presence of God
in, with, above, beneath, around and for
each aching, bewildered, terrified corner of our
hope-hungry world
with its everyday heartaches, pain, despair,
starvation, contempt, betrayals,
confusion and brokenness
God,
Grant us courage
to accept and to be present, quiet hope today
as one of your creatures
in just one corner of this tired old world
you still love so much.
Amen
* * * * * * *
Haiku written 24 June 2014
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 25 June 2014
As boyfriends go, grades 5 to 7 were my Golden Girl Years. Artie was it. I felt a little attraction toward him—especially when he gave me gifts. But it was miniscule compared to his pursuit of me which included regular pleas for me to ‘help’ him with his homework.
Artie was my only designated boyfriend before I went to college at age 16. In fact, I arrived at college without having had one single date. This doesn’t mean I was oblivious to boys. Here’s my annotated true confessions list of boys Read the rest of this entry »
