Telling the Truth

connecting the dots of my life

Category: Spiritual Formation

February 27, 2014

winter sun

winter sun pierces
my paralyzed heart waking
frozen grief at will

*  *  *  *  *

Buried deep, forgotten
Denied, minimized, ignored
Silenced, unexamined

Held at bay
‘It wasn’t that bad’
‘Others had it worse’

Ashamed of my own story
Just another privileged woman
Who doesn’t get it

Afraid to shine a light
On darkness that seems
To have overpowered me

You mean you’re this old and
You still haven’t gotten over it
Beyond it, done already?

Normal
We want normal
How much longer will this take. . . ?

Winter sun does its work
In the fullness of God’s time
Not one moment sooner

Haiku written 25 February 2014

© Elouise Renich Fraser, 26 February 2014

12 Comments
February 24, 2014

Where is my Mother? | Part 3 of 3

Is there a better question? This past week I searched for an answer to ‘Where is my Mother?’  But I couldn’t find one; I kept getting mired in unfathomable complexity.  Yes, Mother was a complex person, especially in contrast to my father.  But I needed to find another approach. Read the rest of this entry »

4 Comments
February 17, 2014

Where is my Mother? | Part 2 of 3

Sister #3
It’s 1949. I’m 6 years old. Sister #3 is 6 months old and still nursing.  She’s sitting on my parents’ bed with Father and me. He’s playing with her—a little game of reach and grab. He asks me to watch and see whether she’s moving her left arm. No, she is not. Read the rest of this entry »

2 Comments
February 13, 2014

Where is my Mother? | Part 1 of 3

A Note to Mother
I still wonder where you were when I needed an advocate, a safe listening ear, a cheerleader and a comforter.  I also wonder why you thought I would be able to deal with my father without any help from you.

Since you’re not here anymore, Read the rest of this entry »

8 Comments
February 10, 2014

carolina wren

carolina wren
peers into old beer bottle –
empty still Read the rest of this entry »

4 Comments
February 3, 2014

Who is my Mother?

I wish I knew. As a child I asked her to tell me her story. Sometimes she gave me bits and pieces, but she didn’t seem to think her story was very important. Especially if that meant talking about how she felt when she was growing up. Besides, there was always another baby in her arms needing attention. Read the rest of this entry »

16 Comments
January 27, 2014

Rituals of Submission | Part 2 of 2

I feel awkward making observations about being beaten. I don’t remember anyone talking with me about them, commiserating with me, comforting me or asking how I felt.  After each beating I simply walked out of the room and right back into life. Read the rest of this entry »

14 Comments
January 20, 2014

Rituals of Submission | Part 1 of 2

I was groomed to be a victim. No one used those words, but that was the sad outcome of supposedly good intentions.

My father’s mission was to break my will. This wasn’t a secret. It was in keeping with biblical teaching as he understood it. One day he would answer to God about his efforts.  I would have to answer for mine. Read the rest of this entry »

6 Comments
January 16, 2014

salty tide

salty tide
laps against dock
marsh hen clacks

It’s nineteen-fifty-something Read the rest of this entry »

2 Comments
January 13, 2014

Rules for Good Girls

I grew up in a strict, rule-oriented household.  Actually, there was only One Main Rule:  Good Girls shall obey their parents in all things.

But the proof is in the Big Picture.  So just to make things perfectly clear, here’s what the One Main Rule looked like on a daily basis, Read the rest of this entry »

5 Comments