Not once have I blamed Daddy for his beatings and troubling behavior toward me. In Part 3 of The Air I Breathed, I talked about my habit of constantly blaming myself. I didn’t like seeing this then, and I still don’t like it. Blaming myself may have been OK as a survival skill when I was a young child and teenager; it’s not OK now, decades later.
So where am I today? Read the rest of this entry »
She is adamant: “I’m still Diane!” It’s a theme in her life with ALS. Getting it across costs her time and energy—well worth it from her perspective! I certainly didn’t know how to relate to someone with ALS. Diane brings us on board. Read the rest of this entry »
Prince Oliver Smudge the Second, August 2014
while Queen Elouise
is away Prince Smudge will play
be-bop-a-lula!
*****
I’m her baby
And I don’t mean maybe!
***
How’s that for my very first haiku + poem?
I think it’s way past time for you to hear about ME–
straight from the cat’s mouth!
*
My Short Long Tail Tale of Being Lost and Found
Someone abandoned me in a state park!
Lost, lonely, scared, hungry and soaked with rain,
No one seemed to care about me.
I cried a lot.
One day I looked up and saw two very large, long-hair animals
standing on two legs each.
They smiled a lot, talked sweet and held their arms out to me,
but I knew better.
I wasn’t about to let them get their big paws on me!
After a long time they left without me.
I didn’t know whether to be relieved or sorrowful.
Then they came back,
thanks to their kind, patient chauffeur mother.
They waited around until they saw me again,
but guess what?
I was already watching them.
They were being very cagey.
They opened a little can of kitty food and held it out
so I could smell it.
I almost died, it smelled so yummy!
But I KNEW they were just trying to trick me!
So they kept consulting with each other,
conspiring about what to do next.
Suddenly they nodded their heads in twinly agreement.
I knew right then I was in double do-do.
Two against one is never fair!
They looked at me and started backing up very slowly,
leaving little crumbs of yummy chicken-flavored cat food
on the ground, sort of like Hansel and Gretel
in the deep dark scary woods.
Even though I knew it was dangerous,
I followed the trail.
The path of cat food bits led to a parking lot
with a car that had a big cage in it.
And guess what?
The rest of the food was sitting in the can,
right inside the cage!
I KNEW it was a trick.
Didn’t I just tell you they were very cagey?
But what’s a hungry kitty to do?
Smudge on Rescue Day, 9 Aug 2013
So they shut me up in the big cage and took me somewhere.
I found out later it was a barn.
They took me to a room of my very own
so the other animals wouldn’t bother me.
Then they made a charming kitty hotel with food, water, a litter box
and clean, dry, soft blankets just for me!
I was so happy that I wanted to cry.
But instead I purred and decided I must be in cat heaven.
Next they told Queen Elouise
they had a kitty she might like to meet and maybe keep!
They also told her
they already made an appointment with the cat doctor
who would give me a full checkup and shots.
I think Queen Elouise was a little nervous, because it was so sudden.
But she came to meet me and, of course, decided to take me to her house.
I’ve been living there now for one year!
It’s hard work training QE to think like a cat,
but she has a kind heart and loves me silly
even though she sometimes gets all exasperated with me.
Every now and then she laughs at me so hard
that tears stream down her face,
and she can barely catch her breath.
Sometimes I think she might pass out right on the spot!
Below is one of my long-hair rescuers.
She’s holding me the day I met Queen Elouise,
just two days after I got rescued.
You can see why I’m called Smudge.
QE named me Smudge.
Then everybody added on other bits to create my formal title:
Prince Oliver Smudge the Second!
Do you like before and after pictures?
I do!
Especially if they’re about me.
Smudge on 11 August 2013
Smudge on 29 Sept 2013
Out of time!
I hear Queen Elouise coming in the front door right now!
Maybe we can do this again sometime.
Yours very truly,
Smudge
***
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 1 September 2014
Photo credits: MNFraser (11 Aug 2013 photos), DAFraser (all others)
I agonized about whether to begin this blog. Not because I had nothing to say, but because I was terrified. Of what? I’m not sure. Probably the concreteness of truth. Even though I lived with it all my life, putting truth out there in concrete words is different.
The words below are from my journal. I made the entry on 19 July 2012, about 18 months before I published my first post, Dear Dad. Read the rest of this entry »
July 1997 – Diane consumes books and articles about ALS. She watches for TV specials–anything that tells the truth about ALS. She and her husband soak up the viewpoints of ALS patients, their family members and caretakers.
Diane takes them all in and thinks about herself and tough decisions that lie ahead. Things like whether to go on a ventilator, Read the rest of this entry »
wind-whipped branches writhe
nestling birds cling for dear life
nature on rampage
* * * * *
It’s 3:00 am
I’m alone in the house Read the rest of this entry »
Dear Readers,
‘Youth’ includes everything before the present moment.
The older we get, the more ‘youth’ we accumulate.
Don’t even try to get out of this one! Read the rest of this entry »
you pressed me today—
barely balanced defenses
crumble at my feet
* * * * *
Dear God,
I don’t like this one little bit. Read the rest of this entry »
I can’t hide from that all-seeing eye of God watching me day and night to make sure I’m being a good little girl. It follows me through life. Not an eye of Goodness and Mercy, but of Judgment and Contempt.
I’m lost
It’s the 1980s. I’m 40-something. I claim I’m a follower of Jesus Christ. Yet I’m lost in fear, self-contempt, confusion, a judgmental spirit, and the vain belief that I can fix other people’s lives. If only they would just listen to me! Read the rest of this entry »
Telling the Truth 