Telling the Truth

connecting the dots of my life

Tag: Exhaustion

Faculty Wife | Part 14

Race of the Year! D on red tricycle with other contestants, Bible College 1972

By spring 1972, the stress of being a mother and the reality of being back at the Bible College had worn me down. My depression returned.

D was struggling with the cultural climate of the Bible College, especially its assumptions about the place and role of students. The president talked about making changes, yet it seemed not much had changed since our days at the Bible College. The culture was still authoritarian and hierarchical (male priority; female submission).

No one wore a uniform. Yet there seemed to be an attitudinal uniform with key components that signaled whether you were ‘submissive’ or ‘rebellious.’ Sometimes it was as simple as how much makeup a woman chose to use. Other times it was about hair.

For example, the length of men’s hair. That included how much hair he had on his face—beard, sideburns, mustache, plus ponytail or anything over his collar or down his back. Clean-shaven was the goal. And neat. Nothing that would call attention to oneself. D pushed the boundaries a bit with his hair, though that was the least of his worries. You already know about the tie.

Then one day Jesus people started applying to come to the Bible College. Hair and all. Instead of welcoming them as they were, the men were told to cut their hair; men and women were told to ditch their street clothes for proper attire. D and others took up their cause; eventually they were allowed to enroll.

Then there was the student newspaper incident. The Bible College wasn’t in the habit of requesting student feedback or opinions about much of anything. So a group of students, male and female, decided to publish their own campus newspaper. They called it “Little People Think.” They asked D for his counsel, and later for his help.

As a female graduate of the Bible College, I could only agree with them. I also agreed to write an article for the first edition. Was I nervous? A bit. It seems this was my first official article telling the truth publicly.

I wrote about assumptions and expectations professors and others seemed to have about women. Though I didn’t call myself a feminist back then, I was fed up with the second-class status status required of women students. My article was included in the first edition of the newspaper.

The students wanted to distribute this via student mailboxes, just like the official student newspaper. Their solution? They asked D if he would put them in the boxes. He had a key to the mailroom and was a faculty member. No one would suspect him unless they saw him in the area at 4 am or so!

The alternative paper was furtively distributed to all campus mailboxes. No one knew where it came from or how it got there.

The administration wasn’t happy, but they didn’t demand a recall. Strangely, no one ever said a word to me about my article, which included my name. They did, however, make sure copies of the next edition never made it into student mailboxes or were distributed on campus.

Then there was the 1972  presidential election. D and I put a bumper sticker in the back window of our car. We were for McGovern/Shriver, who ran against Nixon/Agnew. It remained there for less than half a day!

Within hours of arriving on campus for his morning classes, D was told to remove the bumper sticker  immediately. The president didn’t want members of the board to arrive on campus and find a Democratic bumper sticker on a faculty member’s car. It seems freedom of speech didn’t exist in the same way for everyone at the Bible College.

In the midst of this I began thinking about ways to get help for my exhausted body, emotions and spirit. I felt trapped.

To be continued….

P.S. Yes, D won the tricycle race!

© Elouise Renich Fraser, 13 Oct 2015
Photo credit: who knows? I don’t!

Faculty Wife | Part 13

1972 Sep Elouise with Scott and Sherry in the art museum2

Hmmm . . . . Are we happy yet?  Rodin’s Thinker at Getty Museum , 1972

I’m sitting here looking at the title I gave this series: Faculty Wife. Was I a Faculty Wife during the four short years we were back at the Bible College? If not, Read the rest of this entry »

My Irrelevant Self

Who doesn’t want to be relevant? Better, am I willing to be irrelevant? Unconnected, extraneous, off-topic, useless? Henri Nouwen sees a connection between the search for relevancy, and burnout. Read the rest of this entry »

First Apartment | Photo Tour

Broadway entrance 1965

Lovely, isn’t it? I thought so, too. One small fact: Ours is the red stairway, not the white stairway with the lovely climbing roses!

We arrived in late September 1965, days before D began his graduate program, and a few weeks after our wedding. During that fall we worked our hearts out getting our little space the way we wanted it.

I married a man who loves to take photos. Back then they were all slides. I thought it excessive. Just like my father who never missed a chance to take a photo. At this time in my life, however, I’m grateful for the slides and photos we’ve amassed over the years.

Which leads to a small fact I didn’t fully appreciate until I looked at these old photos. Bookshelves and books have been our go-to interior decorating strategy ever since we got married.

Here’s evidence that we’re already headed in that direction. Not very elegant, but the picture shouts out to thousands of books to come, “You are so very welcome in this house!”

Broadway moving-in mess 2, 1965

Notice the towels stacked on a box by the bed, stuff all over the bed and adjacent chair, lamp not in the right place, and who knows what on the front half of the dresser and on the floor. But the books? Safely put away in their place of honor, on top of the dresser in their brand new bookshelf.

Here’s a better picture of our bed, all made up just for this photo. Notice the bird prints on the wall, long before we became amateur birders. I like the blues and greens in the bedspread. Yes, that’s a garter belt on the right head-post.

Broadway bed 1965

OK. That ends the bedroom tour. Now to the front living room area. Here we have evidence of Cambridge grime. Nasty stuff that had to be scrubbed off before we could paint anything. I’m especially taken by the luxurious amount of hair I had on my head back then. Amazing.

Broadway Grime 1965

We worked on this as often as possible during the first couple of months. Mostly on the weekends. It was exhausting. Here’s proof of how exhausting it was. It’s my ‘don’t you dare take this photo’ pose, which I’ve perfected over the years. I almost didn’t include it. But…

Broadway don't you dare 1965

Here’s the outcome in our living room. I see I made a mistake in my post yesterday. We had two large windows in the living room, not just one. And there’s no clock on the mantel. Oh well. The photo on the mantel is Sister #3, Diane! That was a nice surprise for me.

Broadway fireplace and table 3, 1965

The record player and radio were our total entertainment center for years. No TV. No internet, of course. Exorbitant (for us) costs for long-distance phone calls. Snail mail that brought real letters and real bills.

Here’s another living room shot–this time of me sitting on the old sofa that came with the apartment. I’m facing the fireplace. Looking like a lady, all relaxed and reading something. No shoes. Just home from work. Notice the turned-over sofa cushions. The wrong side looked better than the right side.

Broadway sofa and lamp 2, 1965

 One last photo–our old porcelain bathtub with clawfeet.

FRASER_S_0315

 Good for a long soak after a hard day’s work!

 © Elouise Renich Fraser, 30 March 2015
All photos by DAFraser, Fall 1965