July 1997 – Diane consumes books and articles about ALS. She watches for TV specials–anything that tells the truth about ALS. She and her husband soak up the viewpoints of ALS patients, their family members and caretakers.
Diane takes them all in and thinks about herself and tough decisions that lie ahead. Things like whether to go on a ventilator, Read the rest of this entry »
you pressed me today—
barely balanced defenses
crumble at my feet
* * * * *
Dear God,
I don’t like this one little bit. Read the rest of this entry »
I can’t hide from that all-seeing eye of God watching me day and night to make sure I’m being a good little girl. It follows me through life. Not an eye of Goodness and Mercy, but of Judgment and Contempt.
I’m lost
It’s the 1980s. I’m 40-something. I claim I’m a follower of Jesus Christ. Yet I’m lost in fear, self-contempt, confusion, a judgmental spirit, and the vain belief that I can fix other people’s lives. If only they would just listen to me! Read the rest of this entry »
Diane’s life with ALS flew by way too fast. My Houston journals remind me just how difficult it was to live within each moment. Sometimes it seems I was stuck, holding my breath, waiting for Diane to die.
More often, though, I was sorting out what I could/could not reasonably do during my visits to Houston almost four times a year. Here are a few things I struggled with during my November 1997 visit. Read the rest of this entry »
I haven’t always called myself God’s beloved daughter-child. For years I wouldn’t have dared presume such a high-minded view of myself. How did this happen? And how might this help me think about what I believed when I was 11 years old?
This post is about the first question: How did this happen? The second will wait. Thanks for being patient. If I don’t address today’s topic first, I’ll end up picking my childhood theology to pieces. Read the rest of this entry »
As a child, my survival theology was short and to the point: (1) God would NEVER beat me like this, and (2) Jesus loves me no matter what, and wants to spend time with me.
My two small truths traveled well. Read the rest of this entry »
It’s the 1990s. I’m teaching a seminar on spirituality. At the beginning of the class I hand out to each participant, including me, a blank piece of paper and crayons. The assignment is simple: draw and color your childhood image of God. You have 5 minutes.
I drew and still have my image: Read the rest of this entry »
It’s 1960. I’m 16 years old and I just graduated from high school. I thought you’d like to see how I filled in the gaps between Daddy’s Sex Ed 101 and my graduation.
My Sex Ed 102 Learning Resources with Annotations by Me
*My parents’ everyday relationship with each other. Mother seems to have no voice and no vote. Read the rest of this entry »
silhouetted high
atop a bare tree the dove
coos a mourning song
* * *
non-judgmental, calm, soothing
predictable, unhurried, hypnotic
soft, clear, ubiquitous
unobtrusive, gentle, alert
present, unyielding, quiet
reassuring presence of God
in, with, above, beneath, around and for
each aching, bewildered, terrified corner of our
hope-hungry world
with its everyday heartaches, pain, despair,
starvation, contempt, betrayals,
confusion and brokenness
God,
Grant us courage
to accept and to be present, quiet hope today
as one of your creatures
in just one corner of this tired old world
you still love so much.
Amen
* * * * * * *
Haiku written 24 June 2014
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 25 June 2014
house-bound dog peers out
at park space green trees people–
front door closed locked barred
* * * * *
I grew up with a fierce need to be right,
a heavy dose of fear and Read the rest of this entry »
Telling the Truth 