I agonized about whether to begin this blog. Not because I had nothing to say, but because I was terrified. Of what? I’m not sure. Probably the concreteness of truth. Even though I lived with it all my life, putting truth out there in concrete words is different.
The words below are from my journal. I made the entry on 19 July 2012, about 18 months before I published my first post, Dear Dad. Read the rest of this entry »
July 1997 – Diane consumes books and articles about ALS. She watches for TV specials–anything that tells the truth about ALS. She and her husband soak up the viewpoints of ALS patients, their family members and caretakers.
Diane takes them all in and thinks about herself and tough decisions that lie ahead. Things like whether to go on a ventilator, Read the rest of this entry »
wind-whipped branches writhe
nestling birds cling for dear life
nature on rampage
* * * * *
It’s 3:00 am
I’m alone in the house Read the rest of this entry »
I can’t hide from that all-seeing eye of God watching me day and night to make sure I’m being a good little girl. It follows me through life. Not an eye of Goodness and Mercy, but of Judgment and Contempt.
I’m lost
It’s the 1980s. I’m 40-something. I claim I’m a follower of Jesus Christ. Yet I’m lost in fear, self-contempt, confusion, a judgmental spirit, and the vain belief that I can fix other people’s lives. If only they would just listen to me! Read the rest of this entry »
Diane’s life with ALS flew by way too fast. My Houston journals remind me just how difficult it was to live within each moment. Sometimes it seems I was stuck, holding my breath, waiting for Diane to die.
More often, though, I was sorting out what I could/could not reasonably do during my visits to Houston almost four times a year. Here are a few things I struggled with during my November 1997 visit. Read the rest of this entry »
I haven’t always called myself God’s beloved daughter-child. For years I wouldn’t have dared presume such a high-minded view of myself. How did this happen? And how might this help me think about what I believed when I was 11 years old?
This post is about the first question: How did this happen? The second will wait. Thanks for being patient. If I don’t address today’s topic first, I’ll end up picking my childhood theology to pieces. Read the rest of this entry »
It’s September 1997, less than a year since Diane was diagnosed with ALS. The disease seems to have a mind of its own. In her case, it has decided to concentrate on her ability to speak. Diane wrote the following piece about this loss. Read the rest of this entry »
As a child, my survival theology was short and to the point: (1) God would NEVER beat me like this, and (2) Jesus loves me no matter what, and wants to spend time with me.
My two small truths traveled well. Read the rest of this entry »
By the summer of 1997, about 1 ½ years after diagnosis, Diane’s speech and body no longer look or behave as usual. Sadly, I no longer know how to behave as usual around her. ALS is invading her body and her life. Read the rest of this entry »
Telling the Truth 