Telling the Truth

connecting the dots of my life

Tag: Sexuality

June 23, 2014

Boyfriends | Part 2 of 3

As boyfriends go, grades 5 to 7 were my Golden Girl Years.  Artie was it.  I felt a little attraction toward him—especially when he gave me gifts.  But it was miniscule compared to his pursuit of me which included regular pleas for me to ‘help’ him with his homework.

Artie was my only designated boyfriend before I went to college at age 16.  In fact, I arrived at college without having had one single date.  This doesn’t mean I was oblivious to boys.  Here’s my annotated true confessions list of boys Read the rest of this entry »

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June 15, 2014

Boyfriends | Part 1 of 3

There’s this boy in my life.  He thinks he’s my boyfriend, and he won’t go away.  He’s a bother and a pest.  Constantly pushing the limits.  I think he’s coming to our school because someone (his grandmother, who takes care of him?) wants him to be turned into a well-behaved young man.  Not a chance, if you ask me. Read the rest of this entry »

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June 9, 2014

Shall We Dance?

Short answer:   No.   Nothing you say or do will change this family rule.  The other answer always freaked me out and embarrassed me.  No, because bodily contact between women and men when they dance and are not married to each other mimics sexual intercourse.  The first step down the path of moral destruction. Read the rest of this entry »

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May 12, 2014

The Air I Breathed | Part 3 of 3

Of all the things I listed in my initial observations about Part 1, one troubles me most–my inability to blame Daddy.  I’m used to blaming myself, or at least wondering whether I’m to blame for things that happen to or around me.  This seems to be one of my favorite default modes.  However, given the nature of the air I breathed back then, I’m surprised at my internal response: Read the rest of this entry »

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May 5, 2014

The Air I Breathed | Part 2 of 3

For years I knew Daddy’s beatings and rules didn’t give the full story about how I was groomed to be a victim.  Yet I’ve never spoken publicly about the full story.  I didn’t have a clue how to talk about it safely.  Besides, who would believe my report?  Especially if they knew my father. Read the rest of this entry »

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April 28, 2014

The Air I Breathed | Part 1 of 3

It took more than beatings and Good Girl Rules to groom me to be a victim.  It also took small, calculated and uncalculated, direct and indirect intrusions on my body, my spirit, my mind and my emotions.  I call it the air I breathed.

Beatings have a distinct advantage over the air I breathe. Read the rest of this entry »

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March 24, 2014

Sexual Healing at Age 7?

Until the last two weeks, this question never crossed my mind. Now I can’t leave it alone. If the answer is Yes, how can that be? As noted in Unpacking My Suitcase, I’m not yet sexually aware. But I’m carrying an unwelcome load of something in my female body and spirit. Read the rest of this entry »

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