Terror and Faith | 9/11/2001
by Elouise
It’s difficult to focus.
Voices and images
clamor for my attention,
my response,
my analysis of what is beyond all reason.
I force myself to stay close to the bone,
close to home, close to my Christian roots.
Death is in the room.
Not a new presence,
not even unexpected.
It, too, clamors for my attention,
masquerading in terrible new configurations.
I don’t want to die,
especially if I must suffer in my death.
From the throne of his cross,
the king of grief cries out….
‘Is it nothing to you, all ye who pass by?’(from John Stainer’s oratorio, The Crucifixion 1887)
There is no redemption
apart from suffering and death.
None.
I want to be redeemed.
I do not want to die, or to suffer.
I’m not a very likely candidate for redemption.
Death is relentlessly in this room.
My death.
Your death.
Christ’s death.
Unfinished family business is in this room.
Violent behaviors and attitudes
passed down from father to daughter;
Habits of not telling the truth,
passed down from mother to daughter;
Withholding of love and affection,
Relentless inspection and fault-finding,
Love wanting expression but finding no voice,
Truth wanting expression but finding no listening ear.
Unfinished family business is in the room with death–
A gnawing ache more than my body can bear.
I like to think I’m ready to die.
But I am not.
Nor will I ever be.
Not today, not tomorrow,
Not in a thousand tomorrows.
If I say I am ready to die,
I deceive myself,
and the truth is not in me.
There’s always more work to be done–
Unfinished family business
Unfinished seminary business
Unfinished church and community business
Unfinished personal business
Christ died to relieve me
of the awful, paralyzing expectation
that one of these days
I will finally be ready to die.
Christ finished his work so that
I could leave mine unfinished
without even a moment’s notice.
The Heidelberg Catechism says it all–
What is your only comfort in life and death?
My only comfort, in life and in death, is that I belong–body and soul, in life and in death–not to myself but to my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ, who at the cost of his own blood has fully paid for all my sins and has completely freed me from the dominion of the devil; that he protects me so well that without the will of my Father in heaven not a hair can fall from my head; indeed, that everything must fit his purpose for my salvation.
Therefore, by his Holy Spirit, he also assures me of eternal life, and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to live for him.
(from the Heidelberg Catechism, 1563)
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 31 October 2001
* * * * *
Following the World Trade Center attacks, the seminary where I taught held a community forum. I agreed to give my personal reflections on the events of 9/11. I read the piece above. The forum was held in the seminary chapel; a large wooden cross was hanging on the wall behind the platform. Hence my reference to Christ’s death being in the room.
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 11 September 2014
Very nice and sobering piece with hope in the end. Thank you!
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You’re welcome, Levi. Thanks so much for reading and responding.
Elouise
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Christ died to relieve me
of the awful, paralyzing expectation
that one of these days
I will finally be ready to die.
Christ finished his work so that
I could leave mine unfinished
without even a moment’s notice.
Amen. Thank you, Lord, for the reality of this, and thank you, Elouise, for giving it words…
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Debbie, You’re so welcome. Elouise
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This is incredible.
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Thank you.
Elouise
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Very thought provoking.
I, too, think I am ready to die –
but I’m not.
There is always unfinished business.
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Thank you, Waldo. Yes, indeed. Maybe we’re ready when we know we’ll never be ready?
Elouise
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Reblogged this on Telling the Truth and commented:
Today I couldn’t stop thinking about this piece I wrote in response to the 9/11/2001 attack on the World Trade Center. I still believe every word I wrote back then, and find them both comforting and challenging given our current world situation. Thanks for reading and commenting if you’d like. Elouise
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This is so profound and touches so deeply, thank you Elouise, a masterpiece, truly. Kim
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Kim, Thanks for your kind comment. I’m happy that you connected with it.
Elouise
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The problem today, in my mind, is not Jew v Arab or Jew v Islam v Christianity or Buddhist v Jane or agnostic v atheist or capitalism v socialism.
No these are just excuses for the real fight which is 99% of us versus total and absolute evil.
Thanks for the post Elouise – again.
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You’re welcome, John. Your point is well taken. In a multicultural world, the problem isn’t religion against religion or political system against political system. It’s the reality of terrifying evil. The Catch 22 is that when we give in to fear or even a desire to ‘get even’, we become as capable of inflicting terrifying evil as does anyone else.
Elouise
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Check out http://wp.me/p5rgVm-OT
It is about the same stuff but a repost. Your repost made me remember mine.
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Here’s the comment I just left on your wonderful repost:
“Great story and so well told, with multiple developments and one old cuss who just won’t give up. Most appropriate for today. Thanks, John. We could all use a dose of whatever vaccine made you the way you are!”
Elouise
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