a cautionary tale

by Elouise

early morning
sleep erupts in chaos
heart on alert

***

breath labored
relax
focus
breathe
labor with
not against
this
breathless
drowning
in my own
body

sip warm water
stop
breathe
relax
focus
treasure each breath
small sign
of life
beyond
this
present
terror

early morning
sleep eludes me
heart at rest

* * *

I lie awake the rest of the night, doze fitfully, throat and windpipe hurt, bronchial cough erupts from time to time, fear I’ve damaged my throat.  Wish I’d never put that large rectangular cough drop in my mouth.  Feel chagrined and embarrassed.  Also grateful David got warm water for me to sip.

Feel old and vulnerable to this and so much more.  My world is suddenly very small, helped by bitter cold that arrived this week.  And by the reality that right now I have little energy day-to-day.

Slow pace of recuperation.  Bronchitis is no friend.  Just an unwelcome visitor.  It’s been 10 years since my last bout with it.  I’d be happy not to have it return.  Ever.

A cautionary tale.  Only too real.  I want to rewrite this.  Not be so vulnerable.  Or do things I later regret.  I’m grateful I’m alive and on the mend.  Also feel chastened in body and spirit.

I know.  Things like this happen.  Still, I want to rewrite this.

Written 5 January 2015

© Elouise Renich Fraser, 9 January 2015