Faculty Wife | Part 16
by Elouise
What’s a Mom to do? I empathize with park authorities who post signs like this!
Spring 1973. Things are heating up. Most days I’m not on the Bible college campus. I come when I need to. Usually for social events or occasional appointments. Now that our son and daughter are older, I enjoy being in an environment where I can, to some extent, let our children play on their own.
When the weather is good, I bring their wheels. The campus is full of great sidewalks and friendly students and staff. Too friendly sometimes when it comes to candy or cookies! The photo above documents my last-gasp attempt to intercept these friends who can’t resist handing out goodies. Click on photo to enlarge.
One day in early spring, D brings home a note for me from the president. He would like to see me at my convenience. Why? D has no idea what this is about. Still, I make the appointment and show up on time.
I walk into the president’s office and take a seat. After brief pleasantries, the president tells me why he wants to talk with me. He puts it something like this, ‘We have a problem on our hands, and I’m hoping you can help solve it.’
We do? I’m clueless. The president gets right to the point. ‘Elouise, I need your help. I don’t know whether you’ve noticed it, but your husband has become very angry. Have you noticed that?’
This feels like triangulation, though I don’t yet know what that word means. I do, however, feel trapped and at a disadvantage. I tell him I haven’t noticed D’s anger.
Well, he continues, he’s still hoping I can help ‘calm him down.’ I assure him I cannot not calm D down, and that if I try to, I’ll only make things worse.
I also tell him that, in my experience, if D gets angry, he works it out his way. In fact, it usually takes a while for him to work things out in his head so that he knows why he’s angry and what he might do about it.
Well. This wasn’t what the president wanted to hear. But what could he do? It was a short conversation.
I did, however, know that D was in distress. So was I.
The faculty and administration had recently voted not to accept the report and recommendations of an outside paid consultant. He was a well-known expert in his field. D knew him professionally and respected him.
The consultant spent time learning about the history and culture of the Bible College and interviewed students, staff, administrators and faculty members. When he finished, he gave an oral report to the entire community and then presented a written report with recommendations, also available to the entire community.
Many of his recommendations were things D talked about with the president. D hoped this would be the beginning of substantive change for the better.
For example, the Bible College might begin treating students as the adults they were. D voted to accept the report and recommendations. Most of his colleagues did not. D was distressed, along with several others who had hoped for a different outcome.
When I get home and report my brief conversation with the president, D is dumbfounded. Perhaps this is another sign that our days here are numbered.
There’s at least one more sign to come.
To be continued….
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 2 November 2015
Photo credit: DAFraser, Spring 1973
Telling the Truth 
Mmmm. When we first came here in ’68 and saw things we felt could be changed/altered/dealt with differently my husband was told. “Don’t let it worry you. In 5 years you won’t even notice the problem”. Mmmmm.
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What a sad and sorry piece of ‘advice.’ And oh so true if we don’t keep ourselves alert and centered, but become part of the problem. Discernment becomes difficult. There’s a place for those who, like your husband and you, decide to stick it out, knowing full well what you can expect. It’s tough whether you go or stay.
Elouise
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I can understand exactly how you two could feel angry and upset. I have a story to relate about a school Principal that you may have thoughts about. I was teaching at a school that had only been going for a few years One day the Principal came into my year nine class which was the foundation class and as such was the senior class. He wanted to determine what staff he would need next year as the school proceeded into a year ten level. So he asked the students what they wanted to be when they grew up so he could determine what subjects he should offer next year. It was a difficult problem and he wanted to get some idea.
One young girl asked him this, “But what if you don’t know what you want to be when you grow up?” His reply nearly caused me to resign on the spot, but I needed the job. He said, “If you were a real Christian God would have told you by now.”
My next task was to deal with two very upset parents in such a way that I wasn’t seen to be undermining my boss. The irony was that the girl was the most “Real Christian” in the school.
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Great story, John! Or should I say great case study? So many angles.
Here are my first thoughts. Others will doubtless follow later! I think the Principal was out of line to push off onto year 9 students this huge decision, making it their problem instead of his. There were other ways he might have proceeded to gather information. But this question (with its high stakes for hiring) is out of order for year 9 students! Many college and some university students don’t yet know what vocation they’ll follow.
And then there’s the God thing…which sounds demeaning and accusatory. It does, however, serve the Principal’s need, which was to deflect attention from his own lack of knowledge about ‘what God might have told him about the program for the next year’! Ironic, isn’t it? I think consulting with students is great, but the high-stakes question was at best flat-footed; the comment about God’s involvement was abusive.
And, of course, you were left to do mopping-up work in the aftermath. Judging by the heat with which I’m writing these words, I think I’ve been there. More than once. Left to mop up after a higher-up’s less than stellar performance. I hope that young girl turned out to be happy and rightfully proud about the person she became. Not so much in the eyes of others but in her own eyes, as God’s beloved daughter.
Elouise
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Yes, she turned out really well.
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Nice. She had a gifted year 9 teacher.
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I agree about the gifted Grade 9 teacher and the thoughts of both of you. But how careful we must try to be in how we speak to people. Words can really never be taken back. Matt 12. 34 Out of the heart the mouth speaks.
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Thanks, Robin. We never have the full picture about why people speak and behave as they do–whether it’s appropriate or not. The challenge is to speak truth without making untested assumptions. And, as you say, spoken words take on a life of their own–whether they’re true or not. How we say things matters, and it reveals something about us.
Elouise
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