In the Presence of My Enemies
by Elouise
This memory still makes me smile. It also challenges me to think about my voice and how I use it now.
It was fall 1993. I’d just been promoted to full professor, and was the designated speaker for the seminary’s fall academic convocation. I worked on my address that summer in the context of angry national and local rhetoric about racial diversity.
The seminary valued its unusual diversity. It included race, gender, ethnicity, social status, church affiliation and age. Yet racial diversity had become our most challenging issue. It burst out into the open after what happened to Rodney King III in March 1991.
By fall 1993 some were weary with self-examination. Others were discouraged or angry. Why couldn’t we ‘just get along’? Old habits and assumptions were difficult to examine, much less change. Yet without changing them, we seemed to be going backwards, no matter how many heated conversations and difficult listening sessions we attended.
The text, Psalm 23:5a, gave me the title for my address.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies….
I was intrigued by the reality that these were my enemies, not necessarily God’s enemies. So I sent in this title for my address–“In the Presence of My Enemies: Theological Education at the Seminary [I inserted the name of our seminary].”
When the title came out in publicity notices, I got questions. I love titles that provoke thought.
Some were concerned about the title, though no one asked me about it directly. I think they were afraid this might make matters worse, or give a negative impression about the seminary. I chose not to change the title or what I was going to say.
The day of the event, faculty and other dignitaries processed into the chapel. Three powerful men were seated on the platform: my dean, my president, and the chair of the seminary board of directors.
I thought they might come and sit on the front row when I went up to the pulpit to speak. They did not. So there I was, with the three of them sitting directly behind me.
To defuse my anxiety, I made a comment about the ‘trinity’ (or was it the ‘unholy trinity’?) sitting just behind me. People laughed, if a bit nervously, and the ice was broken.
I proceeded with the address. I felt confident and passionate about what I said. Afterwards, friends and strangers expressed gratitude for the address. Some were crying.
The gist of the address was simple:
We’re invited to sit at the table God has prepared for us—
with others who appear enemy-like to us,
just as we appear enemy-like to them.
It’s a matter of life or death.
Not just for the seminary, but for our world.
We’re here to listen and learn.
To get some of that soul-food for which our hearts yearn.
Especially from those who seem strange to us.
God prepared this feast for you and for me.
Who will take a seat at this feast,
give up the need to be right,
and take the risk of listening?
My need to be right has hindered me most of my life. Not just in relation to others, but in relation to myself. There’s a brave woman living in me. She peeks out from time to time. I see it in my writing, and hear it in my speaking. It’s time I get to know her, one awkward conversation at a time.
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 13 September 2016
Photo of tapestry can be found at http://www.leeporterart.com.
Wow! Amazing. 😀
Thank you! I second that woman up there. Actually both of them, the one who speaks and the one who peeks.
Bless you.
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You’re welcome! ❤️
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Dear Elouise,
I was brand new, and I remember that moment! I was so new that I was almost completely unaware of the history at the seminary, but I appreciated your thoughts, the words that expressed them, so carefully chosen, and your presence up there (I appreciate it when the platform people come and sit with the rest of us – especially since once one of them fell asleep at our Commencement – very awkward).
Thank you for reminding me of a theme that continues to run through my life – fear not, I am here, keep heart and mind open, and you will learn something you need!
Wednesday blessings, Elouise!
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You’re welcome, Debbie! I didn’t remember that was your first year. Yay! Thanks for sharing your sleepyhead memory 😊 and the theme that runs through your life. Most appropriate. “…And you will learn something you need!” Indeed.
Elouise
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We were already gone in ’93, but there in the run up. I must say that many of us considered you the bravest Professor on the campus. I remember feeling like the entire seminary seemed to “batten down the hatches” when you offered the feminist theology class (which I did not have the courage to take, only audit!).
I would offer that, from my perspective, your courage was unparalleled in classroom academics. Perhaps in the power issues of the faculty and business side of the institution your voice wasn’t as strong, but I think the “Unholy trinity” was afraid of what you might say, and not just on that one day.
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David, I’m grateful for and encouraged by your comment. Your distinction between the classroom and faculty/administration is on target. I had plenty of classroom run-ins, though most of the time my role was respected, if not always welcome. The episodes that got out of hand, with students taking grievances straight to the dean or president, put me immediately on guard, even after I was tenured and a full professor. I felt anything but brave or courageous! I didn’t feel hopeless. I did, though, recognize that I was in a politically charged situation that called for wise actions and an ally in the room.
Most of the time, however, behind my clarity and courageous words, was the belief that I was an imposter. I’m free from that now, and yet–the brave woman/child in me is a stranger I’m only now beginning to recognize.
Again, thank you.
Elouise
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Go for it!
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Thanks, Clay! Diane was a Very Brave Woman. And you are a Very Brave Man. I think often of the guts it took to get through 10 years of ALS. Not just on Diane’s side, but for you and your children. It’s great to have you as a cheerleader! 🙂
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You still astound me. It’s been 24 years and I can still hear your voice in my mind. And it always has been one that speaks from the depths daring to say things I fear to think.
I’m not doubting that “the brave woman/child in me is a stranger I’m only now beginning to recognize.” but I hope you understand that many of us have been drawn to you because of your bravery for a long time.
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David, Your kind words gave me pause–and a few tears. Thank you for this additional comment.
Elouise
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I would have liked to have been there but from what you have said before I am not sure I would have fitted in.
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All the better (not fitting in)! I like company.
Elouise
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Brave woman indeed! Loved the address… I would have been anxious too! 😉
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Thanks, Kev! Hope you’re having a great day. 😊🎵🎵🎵
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I would have loved to see that moment live…but I’ll take it second hand after the fact….I know you are amazing and that I will always have something here to give me thought…you shine through Elouise, as always ❤ Hi L ❤
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Thanks, Kim–for the cheer and the love! I would have loved having you there, too. I’m glad we get to carry memories of ourselves in our moments of strength–even though we were shaking in our boots! 🙂
Elouise
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That fall I was also new to the seminary (I had no idea that Debbie was new then too!). I’d started in the library in May, and felt comfortable with my co-workers there, but I was anxious about fitting in with the rest of the seminary. Your address reassured those anxieties and made me feel welcome and believe that I could indeed have a place there.
Like David, I have always admired your bravery, and I am so grateful that I got to audit some of your courses.
Thank you!!
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You’re welcome, Nancy. So many threads coming together in our lives. There was indeed a place for you at the seminary–not just in the library. You were one of my most motivated, enthusiastic auditors. I still have happy memories of lunchtimes with you and others in the staff kitchen.
Elouise 🙂
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