Life Lite | A Dream Revisited

by Elouise


~~~A woman free of her heavy load, trusting.

I can’t stop thinking about my dream, Life Rearranged. Especially the part about that awkward load I was carrying around. It wasn’t even in a bag. I was carrying it in my hands and over my arm. The way I carry folded and unfolded laundry upstairs to put it away.

Recently I read a thought-provoking guest post on Karina Lam’s blog. It was called Leave Your “Big Bag.” The author emphasizes letting go of practices that hinder or haunt us. Things that harm ourselves and others. Habits and sins that don’t support life-giving outcomes for anyone.

The post got me thinking about bags (pocketbooks, brief cases, canvas bags) I’ve used over the years when I leave my house for work, shopping or travel.

I don’t take the kitchen sink. I’m not that obvious. Instead, I make sure I have any number of things I ‘might’ need in The Great Beyond.

Today I don’t carry as many heavy bags as I did when I was working. Yet I still make sure my pockets and other small bags are filled with things I might need while walking in my neighborhood. The things I’ll actually use are a small bottle of water and maybe Kleenex and a small snack. Oh, and a key to get back into the house!

Yes, better to be safe than sorry. However, there’s a tipping point. It’s called weighing myself down with things I can’t remember needing. Ever. Little things that help me feel secure and perhaps self-sufficient, whether I’ve ever used them or not, and in spite of the fact that I’m walking in a well-populated neighborhood, not out in the middle of the Sahara Desert.

So I go back to my dream. I’ve entered the home of a gracious hostess. I’m not bearing gifts, but my security blankets. Items I might need for myself, or that might help me have a conversation with my hostess.

Sometimes it feels as though I’m planning for disaster. The day I broke my jaw it didn’t matter that I had umpteen helpful things in my pocketbook. Help came from complete strangers. It did matter that I had identity cards in my pocketbook, but I didn’t use my cell phone to call for an ambulance. A kind stranger did.

So what’s this about? I think it’s about feeling secure (not the same as being secure). In addition, it isn’t so much about where I am, but who I am or am not without the props.

In the dream, I gain security and a huge sense of relief when I dump my load on the sofa. This includes my just-in-case show and tell items for conversation, my just-in-case ‘agenda’ if you will.

I also gain security from my hostess. I don’t understand everything she does. Yet like God, her agenda is to welcome me, smile at me, and invite me to the table with two other women I might like to meet. I know she’s happy to see me.

Finally, I gain unexpected security from two super-cute little dogs that come bounding up to greet me when I sit down at the table. I can’t help noticing my hostess smiles at me just then, as though to say she’s happy to see me happy! My heart, mind and body instantly relax. Why? Because I know I’m in safe hands no matter what happens next.

© Elouise Renich Fraser, 29 October 2016
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