Taming my bad beast
by Elouise
Two beasts roam around in me. A good beast and a bad beast. They want to direct my life. Sort of like Aslan, and sort of like the White Queen in The Chronicles of Narnia.
So here’s the trap I face regularly–to do or not to do something, plus my deep wish to say yes, and be part of the show. Normal! Not sitting somewhere on the sidelines, feeling left out, unappreciated or unacknowledged.
Sometimes the good beast in me roars, ‘No, I will not go with you on that wild goose chase! Don’t say I didn’t warn you!’ And though I often agree reluctantly, it’s most often the best thing for me not to do. Even though it’s costly.
The bad beast, unfortunately, knows how to look like a good beast, especially when it’s about whatever seems true, healthy, and of good report. It doesn’t always roar. It’s more likely to whisper in my ear reminding me that I can do just about anything if I put my mind to it.
And there’s the rub. It takes a lot more than my mind to do most things. Which gets me into self-defeating cycles of madness. Nothing you’d call 9-1-1 about. Unless I collapse on the race-track—not entirely impossible.
So, charging right ahead, about 6 or 8 weeks ago I noticed my Fitbit was urging me on to new heights of fitness. Nothing wrong with that, I thought, as I pondered my last year of slow-walk, slow-go, plenty of time outs for rest pace.
Fitbit is not a monster. Or a beast. It just knows how to get the attention of my beast—the one that wants to be right up there with everyone else. You know, that community of friends and sometimes family who are equally mad about Fitbit and determined to make their all goals each day and earn those lime-green flashy lights at the end of the day! Maybe even make it to the top of the Leader Board!
Heavy duty adrenalin rushes through my veins even as I write the words. Bad sign….
So I went for it. For nearly two months. At first it was wonderful. The weather cooperated. My body cooperated. I slept great and woke up without a whimper.
And then it wasn’t so wonderful. Little things began nagging at me. Feet hurting more than usual, aches here and there, falling asleep before I got to bed. Nothing huge, but a cloud of little gnats constantly getting in my way.
I was trying to walk a marathon and burn a gazillion calories each day, when all I needed to do was walk 2 miles a day or not, and burn just enough calories or not.
Yesterday I took an extra day of rest. Total delight and relief. I’m still wearing my Fitbit, but as a check—not as a dare-you-to-top-yesterday red flag waving in front of me all day.
Hoping your day is filled with serenity, sanity and gratitude for the one-of-a-kind person you are.
Elouise♥
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 10 October 2017
Image of The White Queen found at pinterest
Daily Prompt: Tame
my fitbit drives me crazy as a loon. Yesterday I was no where near my goal and I looked at it, stuck my tongue out and said nope, too tired, don’t feel like it. I now take it off at night, finding I can tell if I got enough sleep by how I feel in the morning. I said no machine is going to dictate how I live my life and boom, I dropped so much stress off of myself. When I was working, it was easy breezy but now that I’m a stay at home slacker (writer/painter) I don’t always get the full monty….but I’m okay with that….Loved this post E, and the fitbit I can give or take. It can challenge you but it can add tons of guilt if you let it. I am a rockstar and I take control. Boom like that 🙂 hope this helps, and no fears, I won’t friend you on it…..I’ve even stopped comparing notes to the one friend I have on it. Just being at peace about the whole thing. Hugs and steps, Kim
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🙂 I gave up wearing it at night years ago, but find it helpful during the day since I’m such an introvert, desperately needing (and loving!) to be outdoors. I haven’t ever felt competitive with people I’ve friended (a precious few!), but I do, unfortunately, feel competitive with myself. 😦 Most of the time it’s OK, but in the last few months I got hooked like never before. Partly because I’m so eager to be ‘back to normal’– whatever that means! It also keeps me honest about my activity level–which my numerous doctors always ask about. Still, a day without Fitbit sounds like a good idea from time to time. You’re so correct. It isn’t in charge. I am and we are! 🙂
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oh, and my kayak is named Jadis (the white queen as seen above) ha! 🙂 she is a pretty kayak though. Till she feeds me to the gators…..she may be that way underneath the exterior 🙂
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You’ve got to be kidding!!!! I love it. And you can upend her anytime you want! Should scare those gators off in a heartbeat! 🙂
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🙂 they scare me more than she does 🙂
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Whats a fitbit?
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Good question! Which I’m happy to answer. It’s an electronic tracker I wear on my waistband every day. It tracks how many steps I’ve taken, miles I’ve walked, floors I’ve climbed, calories I’ve burned, and the number of ‘active’ minutes I’ve accumulated. A great motivator if you don’t let it become competition with everyone in the whole wide world! It accounts for your age, height, weight and even the length of your stride when you walk. I’ve used mine for at least five years. There are other pedometer/heart rate monitors out there, but this is the simplest and, for me, the best.
Here’s a link if you want to know more: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fitbit.
And here’s their current products page: https://www.fitbit.com/compare. It seems they’re discontinuing sale of the version I have–Fitbit One. Old stuff now, but good enough for me! 🙂
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Nothing is too good for you Elouise, 😈 🐻
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