Lost
by Elouise
Aching for a day of rest
Quiet time. Down time.
I’m lost. Uncentered and
Unfocused. Getting through
Each day as I’m able without
Much structure or sense of
Movement. The world feels
Heavy tonight. I want to
Shut it out yet cannot.
Weather. Politics. Disasters
In the making. Addictions to
Addictions. Things falling
Apart display the seamy
Side of life and how little we
Understand where, how or
Why we’re going or not
Going.
Blatant. It’s not hidden
Anymore. No filters to drown
Out today’s terror or tomorrow’s
Warring madness. Caught
Without a plan or the humility
Of guidance or signs of care
For real people not on the
Power grid.
Then again, it isn’t new or
All that different than my
Post-WWII childhood. Just more
Open. Unapologetic. In my face
Like that horror movie I never
Paid to see.
They say we should hope.
I say hope is hopeless minus
Action. Yet here I am. Old.
Not sure I have it in me to
Resist injustice no matter
Where and when it’s found.
Help me find my way home.
I think I’m lost.
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 18 May 2019
Image found at wnycstudios.org
Telling the Truth 
Dear Elouise, I hear in this reflection the frustration of what you cannot do, and of what it seems no one else is doing. There is always more going on than what we perceive (and some of that is on the “good” side of the ledger).
Prayer is an action grounded in hope. Your reflection prompted thoughts of my Grandfather, Louis Watson. He outlived much of his physical energy, never lost the power to exercise compassion, empathy, listening and prayer. Hope was mixed up in it all, even after 100 years (from 1898-1998) on this earth, and all that meant..We each are called to do what we can, not what we can’t, and to trust God in all things. We “do-ers” often struggle with what we can’t do, and fear that no one is doing anything. Prayer seems so insignificant, but it’s not…
Love and gratitude to you, Elouise. May the days of this week dawn with increasing brightness for you!
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Dear Debbie, Thanks for this response. Sometimes my physical challenges and time I spend on daily upkeep gang up on me–as they did this week. Whatever the plan for the day was, it wasn’t to be.
I’m indeed frustrated by what has become difficult in the last several years, especially along the lines of self-care. Difficult because of the amount of time needed daily for basic upkeep. And yes, there’s the world as we’re experiencing it right now. Not promising at all in some areas. Nonetheless, my daily challenge is how best to invest in my health and well-being without making things worse.
Yes! Thankfully, things are happening that we don’t see or hear about. Good things. Promising things. I think my dis-ease right now is about how a do-er (I confess!) can be that on behalf of myself–in light of all the other stuff going on, and my physical limitations.
I’m so grateful for your friendship and for your comment. It’s one thing to think that someday sooner or later I’ll be ‘back to normal.’ It’s quite another to understand that the ground has shifted beneath my feet, and it’s up to me to learn how to walk on and in it. With gratitude and hope.
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Our pastor is leading Sunday series on the Sabbath. Sounds similar too what you reflect upon. Long wood Gardens trips sound like your Sabbath experience much different than what you express in this writing of “Lost” In God’s garden are we ever lost? In God’s garden there are always people saying Goodbyes and others welcoming us with Hello’s.
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Hmm. Thanks for this comment, Dave. I do think we sometimes get lost in God’s garden. (Adam and Eve seem to have done that in their way.) However, I don’t find the sense of being lost necessarily negative. It isn’t fun. It does, however, let me know I need to think about where I am and where I’m headed. Perhaps in order to make adjustments. Or not. I like your image of some people saying goodbyes and others welcoming us with hello’s. It doesn’t, however, take away the pain of saying goodbye to many small and large losses along the way. I’m grateful for Sabbath rest in the meadow, or at home feeling the anguish! Though I much prefer the meadow. 🙂
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