The mind is the last to consent
by Elouise
Or, Semi-poetic thoughts about death and dying
The mind is the last to consent –
Alternative scenarios tease us
Surely this can’t be the end
Wispy threads dangle enticements
We could try this or look into that
Prayers for miracles multiply
Cheerful faces mask sad truth —
The patient is dying, yet anguish
And well-meaning hope sometimes
Impede consent to the obvious
Resulting in further digressions
That produce even more anguish
The end is upon each of us sooner
Not later, with or without goodbyes
To ‘give in’ to death may seem to be
Callous dismissal of those we love
Or loss of hope or lack of faith to
Demand of God great things with
Or without the patient’s consent
Worse, if I’m a medical person perhaps
Giving in means failure to do my job
Even though I may agree that this
Dying person is sick unto death and
We were not created to live forever
In these temporary earth-bound bodies
My hero when it comes to dying is my sister Diane. She chose to go on comfort care after living with ALS for ten years. When she learned she had ALS, she worked with trusted people to identify what she was and was not willing to endure, and where she wanted to die—at home.
Even so, in the end she had to consent to the criteria she herself had itemized. She had to communicate to her doctors and nurses, ‘Enough is enough.’ She also had to trust that those with power of attorney would honor her wishes.
So what does it mean for me to ‘prepare’ for death? At the least, it means living each day well, insofar as I’m able. Especially when it comes to self-care.
I wish that were enough. Unfortunately, given medical structures and practices here in the USA, it isn’t. If I want to avoid getting caught in an endless search for ‘health’ or extension of life, it’s up to me to take the initiative. This includes decisions, paper trails, agreements, and work with family and friends involved with my care and wellbeing.
I can’t do this alone. I’m reading books, and have family and a few friends with whom I can talk. Yet it’s up to me. Even so, there’s no guarantee my wishes and directives will be honored. We don’t always get to choose the time or manner of our deaths.
Blessings to each of you, and thanks so much for listening.
Elouise♥
©Elouise Renich Fraser, 18 June 2019
Photo taken by DAFraser, Longwood Gardens, 12 June 2019
At least it’s a cheerful illustration. 😛
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chosen especially for you! 🙂
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Thank you 🙂
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I’ll always listen, Elouise! 😀 😀 ♥
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Thanks, Fran! I know you’ve been through it as well…and perhaps have more options where you live? Sigh….and hugs galore! 🙂 E.
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Elouise, Most people and many attorneys are not aware of such a thing called a POLST form (Physicians orders for Life Sustaining Treatment). Pennsylvania has its own format for such a form. These forms are completed by the physician with their patient and kept at the primary care location (usually posted on the refrigerator door when at home) The form clearly outlines patient decisions concerning treatments they accept or decline in the case of a medical emergency. The form also helps EMTs understand clearly what they need to be aware of and relinquishes them from the required treatments when they are typically called. The POLST form can be a very useful tool when initiated by physicians and patients sometimes to initiate the conversation of patient’s wishes. The POLST form lets people know that the patient and physician are on the same page and gives family members a peace about what will and will not need to be done.
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Hi, Dave. Thanks for this comment and information. Yes, I’ve just begun reading a book that talks about this and other steps that might be taken. You may know the book: The Art of Dying Well: A Practical Guide to a Good End of Life, by Katy Butler. A friend recommended it.
I’m guessing you had multiple opportunities to talk with older people and their families when you served as a chaplain. Good for them if you did. Or…perhaps you saw folks who hadn’t prepared and were caught in the system? It’s all very sobering, and strikes me as an area for churches and other faith communities to step in and help aging adults prepare intentionally–even though we never know when or how death will come.
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Yes the church could do so much more in the caring of the dying but many of them are afraid that they will die in the process. In actuality just the opposite happens they become alive with the mission of loving their neighbor and receive the greatest gift of all “the love of God”
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