Dear Friends | Monday morning update
by Elouise
Life as a blogger is pressing on me these days. Not to stop writing, but to make the most of the time I still have.
I can’t begin to describe how much I love this unexpected gift—blogging. Nonetheless, it’s frustrating to experience my energy dwindling a bit with each passing day.
When I got up this morning I saw two comments left last night that got me all teary. Writing is rewarding. It’s also a bit lonely, even though it’s a way of reaching out. I never know how my words will touch people I know well and not so well. I took my tears and the two comments as a sign that I’m not finished yet.
Nonetheless, I have a few challenges coming up. My heart and my kidneys need to have a conversation. This really means I’ll have conversations with my kidney and heart doctors in the next month. And then make some decisions about what I might do next.
In the meantime, I’m living in the one day at a time mode. Yesterday, Mary Oliver’s poem got me through. I’m still learning to live what she describes. That would be how to expect, recognize, welcome and delight in the gift of each created day. Sunny or not.
Thanks for all your visits, and for reading this. Right now I’m off to the kitchen to make another super-healthy smoothie.
Happy Monday to each of you,
Elouise♥
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 28 October 2019
Photo of Lakeshore Grasses at Dawn, Canada, found at army.file
Telling the Truth 
I just posted this the other day (on Facebook), because I found it poignant. I hope that you will enjoy it – it’s “fall-ish” in more than one way…and it reminds me of more than one of your reflections, but without the gorgeous photos!
With great gratitude, affection and esteem for you, Elouise!
Sonnet 73: That Time of Year Thou Mayst in Me Behold
That time of year thou mayst in me behold
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruined choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.
In me thou see’st the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth in the west;
Which by and by black night doth take away,
Death’s second self, that seals up all in rest.
In me thou see’st the glowing of such fire,
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie,
As the death-bed whereon it must expire
Consumed with that which it was nourish’ d by.
This thou perceivest, which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well which thou must leave ere long.
“Sonnet 73: That Time of Year Thou Mayst in Me Behold” by William Shakespeare. Public Domain.
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Oh, Debbie. This is so beautiful. Thank you. I wasn’t familiar with it, and it teared me up real good.
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As it did me…
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that is very meaningful poem.
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Elouise -I’m not very eloquent at commenting about your posts. But this one is very special. It reflects my my situation as well as yours. At 89, I don’t expect to enjoy more than 5 or so years on this earth. But whatever comes, I will enjoy each day as it arrives.
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Hi, Waldo. Thanks so much for this comment. I’m grateful I had one uncle smart enough to be born ‘late’ so that I could actually know him as the adult I now am! It’s hard to believe you’re coming up on your 90th, with Leta not far behind you. Today I’m hoping to win the weekly Shingrix vaccination lottery. It’s all first-come, first-served and when we’re out, we’re out until the next shipment. Funny (not really) how so much of life is now revolves around medical stuff, even though I’m relatively healthy for my generation/age. Greetings to Leta!
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Keep blogging as you are able, Elouise. You have love and wisdom to share and you do it so beautifully! Your words always lift me up! Thank you! 🙂
I live one day at a time…and find the joy in each day. There is always some joy. 🙂
You have my thoughts and prayers for your health…and especially your heart and kidneys.
I was born with a heart defect, one kidney, and bad asthma and allergies…and I’ve had some other health problems to deal with in my adult life. (I won’t list them all here! Unless you really want a list! 😮 🙂 ) So, I see every day of life as a gift…and try to be appreciative of the gift and share with others. 🙂
(((HUGS))) and ❤
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Dear Carolyn,
I’m so sad/grateful to hear about your health issues. Thanks for letting me know. I live with other issues as well. Especially the kind that arrive when we’re born into this world (physical issues compounded by family baggage). So whatever I am now, I’m a grown woman, and it’s all about life on my terms. Not the terms my parents (especially my father), pastors, teachers or other authority figures tried to lay on me. And not even (in a morbid way) because of my physical problems. Which is to say, each day is indeed a gift! I resonate with your attitude, though I still feel like a beginner at all this. Thanks for your prayers. You have mine as well. 🙂 And hugs, too!
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I’d love to know more about the “not the terms of my parents, pastors, etc”.
If you’ve already written about it. Point me to the blogs where you did.
I was raised in the church.
HUGS!!! 🙂
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Hi, Carolyn! Wow…I’m thrilled to point you to some of my early posts about this. It’s complicated, because my father was my pastor until I married. Still, many of the same problems arose in work places and academic settings. Thanks to my ‘home-schooling’ I wasn’t ready for hit me.
So here are several early posts, with shortlinks. If you’re interested, you can find more in the Category “Begin Here.”
Dear Dad: https://wp.me/p32tHJ-4W (My first post)
Rules for Good Girls: https://wp.me/p32tHJ-1p
Rituals of Submission | Part 1 of 2: https://wp.me/p32tHJ-8q
Rituals of Submission | Part 2 of 2: https://wp.me/p32tHJ-97
Blaming Daddy? Part 1 of 2: https://wp.me/p32tHJ-XH
Blaming Daddy? Part 2 of 2: https://wp.me/p32tHJ-11d
Hoping you have a great day! 🙂
Elouise
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Elouise,
Thank you for sharing the links with me.
I “liked” each of those posts after I read them, not because I liked what happened to you, but to let you know I read them….that I was listening to your words/memories with my heart…really listening to you. And that I liked what you bravely shared, because so much of it is helpful to me. I cried through almost all of it.
I am so so SO sorry that was your life/childhood. 😦 I wish I could give you a hug in person, and we could just sit together and cry together if need be. I think parent’s were tougher than they had to be in those days…and it seems that, sadly, religion just fed into it, negatively, in so many ways…control, fear, dominance, don’t want spoiled children, no sparing the rod, breaking a child’s will, etc. 😦
I think your story should be written in book form. So many people could relate to you, learn from you, find encouragement and help from you.
Forgiveness is difficult…but they say if we can forgive it will help us more than it will help the person(s) we forgive. To me, not forgiving, is like carrying around a heavy bag on my back for the rest of my life…so to try to forgive means putting down the bag. Oh, some rough days I pick it back up again 😦 and tote it around again, but then know I should release it as soon as I can.
You are a wise, brave woman with a big loving heart! I’ve only been reading your blog a short while, but you have impacted my life positively already. Thank you!
Oh, by the way, I’ve read some things by Corrie ten Boom and Ken Sande on forgiveness that has helped me.
(((HUGS))) and ❤
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Hi, Carolyn. I’m still taking in your comments! Thanks so much for telling me more about yourself, too. I think we would have a lot to talk about….if only you lived in Eastern PA! 🙂 I’ll send you a second response later today. Right now I’m off to my kidney doctor. She’s fabulous. Blessings! Elouise
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Hope your appointment went well.
Me and my 1 kidney that I was born with…we just started seeing a kidney doc last year. Mine is a young man and he’s terrific! 🙂
I had to add a kidney -to my regular-doc and my oncologist. 🙂 All nice people. 🙂
HUGS!!! 🙂
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Hi, Carolyn!
I didn’t make it back to you yesterday, but here I am today. 🙂 My appointment with my kidney doctor went well. Thanks for asking. And good for you–for finding a compatible kidney doctor. I find the whole world of kidney disease quite daunting and mysterious at times. Sort of like my heart–though I at least can tell (sometimes) when it’s offbeat! 🙂
Some of my physical difficulties are linked to childhood PTSD. Researchers keep finding connections between childhood PTSD and all kinds of health issues. That’s in addition to things like depression. I used to spend time wondering where my mother was in all the ups and downs of my life with Daddy. She had her own issues from her childhood, plus unreasonable expectations placed on her as the preacher’s wife. She was enormously gifted, and carried the weight of being a polio survivor (she was 28; I was 5) and mother of four daughters. My father was determined to have at least one son. Didn’t happen.
About turning some of this into a book, I’ve thought about it before, but wasn’t in the right frame of mind to tackle it. I’m not sure I am now. Still, I’m thinking about it. Thanks for your wonderful comments about the way those early posts touched you. I wouldn’t be where I am today without the company of good women–a few of them skilled professionals who knew how to help me get out of my determination to be a good girl! 🙂
Cheers from me and from our lovely cat, Smudge! 🙂
Elouise
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