Our 9/11/1965 Wedding Anniversary
by Elouise
Saturday, 9/11/2021, is our 56th wedding anniversary. Tomorrow we’re taking off for Longwood Gardens to celebrate. Most of the news will be focused on what happened 20 years ago, and the way our nation has changed since then.
So what about 56 years of marriage? When D and I married in 1965, we inherited challenges we didn’t see coming. For my part, I thought all my problems, if I had any, would magically fade away. Instead, it took years to recognize how handicapped I was on our wedding day. Here’s a look at some of what it took for me to address habits and assumptions I brought into our marriage.
- Admitting I needed help with depression, and connecting with trustworthy people such as Al-Anon friends and my psychotherapist, beginning in my mid to late 40s
- Telling D things I didn’t want to talk about because I felt embarrassment, shame or humiliation
- Listening to D without jumping in to have my say before he finishes what he has to say
- Overcoming my fear of being female in a male-dominated world–without making D the enemy
- Talking about painful mistakes and starting over with small steps, one at a time
- Learning to accept and live with health issues I didn’t see coming
- Letting D sometimes do things I’ve usually done for myself, but don’t now have energy to accomplish
- Accepting less than perfection in housecleaning and keeping to a schedule
- Taking time to get away from our house via walks in the neighborhood, visits to Longwood Gardens, church as we’re able, and back yard conversations with neighbors
- Spending time together each evening with Smudge snoozing on our laps
Today my bottom line is still the same as ever: Marriage takes hard work and willingness to die. Not physical death, but dying to my dreams for us, my way of seeing D’s world, my brilliant ideas….and finding there’s hope in creatively rethinking together our daily or long-term challenges. Especially now, 20 years after the 9/11 attack, and just 2 years into Covid nightmares, weather-related upheavals, and a breakdown of goodwill.
Thanks for your visit today! Each moment of today is a precious opportunity to reach out to those we love.
Elouise♥
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 9 September 2021
Photo of two lovely couples taken 11 September 1965 in the church basement following our double wedding ceremony in Savannah, Georgia. Sister #2 is on the left with her husband (now deceased).
Thank you for sharing insights into your journey together. They are inspiring!
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Hi, Dan. Thank you for this inspiring comment! You would have loved Longwood Gardens yesterday–not so crowded (school just began this week), the temperature was in a comfortable 70s zone, with a wonderful breeze, and fluffy clouds floating in the deep blue sky!
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Lots of life lessons for us all there. Congratulations on your wedding anniversary and I hope you have a day full of peace and love. And thank you for sharing that wonderful photo. What of the other couple?
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Thanks, Gwen. It was a super-gorgeous day. Not too hot; wonderful breeze and fluffy white clouds in the deep blue sky! I’m so glad we made the effort to be there. The other couple includes my sister Ruth (1 1/2 years younger than I), and her late husband (died several years ago). Fortunately she lives near one of her sons and his family. Unfortunately she lives in Dallas, Texas. I haven’t seen her in person for too long, thanks to travel restrictions (for me) and Covid. Only 3 of 4 sisters are still living. Sister #3, Diane, died of ALS. And I’m the only sister who hasn’t lost a husband. Thanks for asking.
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Yes, I remember the heartbreak of losing Diane. I thought it had to be a relative in the photo. It’s interesting to see your different personalities displayed by the dress choices. What a pity about Ruth’s husband, I hope it was a happy marriage. We have a couple here who have just celebrated 70 years.
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70 years is awesome.
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H a p p y A n n I v e r s a r y E l o u I s e & D a v I d. 56 years – W O W
Have a great day together.
Love, Lorraine
>
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Well….You could have knocked me over with a feather when I saw your comment yesterday morning! I am SO HAPPY to hear from you after your latest adventure. We had a great day, great weather, not so crowded (school now back in session), and more than we could possibly take in on one day!
Love and tons of smiles,
Elouise
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OH! YAY!!! Happy Anniversary!!! 🙂
Keep loving each other!!! ❤
(((HUGS))) to both of you!
Enjoy your day celebrating your love! 🙂
PS…I'd give you 56 hugs, but that would wear us both out and then we'd need a long nap! 😀
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Your last line made me laugh out loud!
Isn’t it the truth–sort of like so many candles on the birthday cake that we have to call the fire station to stand by! 🙂
Thanks heaps for your upbeat congratulations! 🙂
We had a great day!
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YAY! So glad to hear you had a great day!!! 🙂
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Yes! It was gorgeous! Exactly the right thing for both of us! 🙂
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