tear-splashed windows
by Elouise
sunbeams stream
through tear-splashed windows
the old woman blinks
~~~
This is not the turn I thought life would take
when I reached my late seventies.
Yesterday’s newborn chicks have finally come home to roost
not in my back yard but in my body.
Today I bear marks of what being female, white and alive cost
from the day I was born until now.
So far in my life, I’ve been able to function without getting entangled in multiple prescription drugs.
For the last several weeks, however, I’ve been looking at three prescription drugs (each from a different doctor), wondering which options would be relatively safe. Especially given my kidney disease. Some prescriptions drugs can’t be discontinued precipitously, which means no trial period.
I‘m also forced to consider my determination not to be caught up in staying “alive” at all costs. When do I cross the point of no return and stop attempts to fix what is unfixable?
I’ve never missed posting so much as I’m missing it now. I’m grateful for your visits and pray each of us will find a way through troubling times that sometimes overshadow the true gift of Christmas.
Thank you for stopping by today.
Elouise♥
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 9 December 2021
Photo found at maxpixel.net
Telling the Truth 
Love and prayers for what/whom you most need, from a fellow “balancer” of life, faith, and meds…
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Oh, Debbie. We’ve seen and been through so much, haven’t we? After I posted this, I got a call from one of my doctors saying a recent blood test wasn’t enough yet, and I’m waiting for directions that will involve yet another (different) unpleasant test. Frankly, I wonder why all these things are happening in such a short space of time. Perhaps this new test will shed more light. Thank you for your love and prayers. I miss being in church on Sundays and am enormously grateful for the option to join Sunday worship services on our ‘big’ little screen!
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Good to hear from you again, Elouise. Grace and peace to you as you navigate.
Question for you: years ago, when I first stumbled across your blog, you were trying a program for estate planning of some sort. I think you found it valuable. Am I remembering that right? What was the name of the program?
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Hi, dw. It’s good to hear from you, too. I think the posts you’re remembering were about end-of-life decisions.
One program I found helpful, revised for Covid-era restrictions, is called Five Wishes (P.O. Box 1661, Tallahassee, FL 32302). They have a ‘card game’ called the Go Wish game. You can order as many sets of the cards as needed. I got two sets–one for me, one for D. It’s helpful in deciding what matters most to each partner. Your comment makes me want to go back now to see whether I’ve changed my mind about anything.
The other resource I’ve found helpful is Katy Butler’s The Art of Dying Well. It isn’t about estate planning; it’s about medical issues (in old age) and dealing with your health system to get what you want or need while avoiding what you don’t want or need. It’s about palliative care at its best (depending on which state you’re dealing with).
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Thank you, Elouise. It’s time for me to do the hard work of planning. It’s so easy to put off.
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You’re welcome, dw. Your comment is right on target. For me, it’s much more fun to think about options (instead of making a selection and putting it in writing).
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You’re welcome, dw. Your comment is right on target. For me, it’s much more fun to think about options (instead of making a decision and putting it in writing).
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Prayers for wisdom and peace in your decisions. I refer to the story of Manfred’s mom and being on so many meds and how his wife helped to give her months of clarity. May each day be a blessing and joy. And, your poem touched my heart.
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Hi, David. Thanks for your note, and for the reminder about Manfred’s mom. Thanks, too, for your prayers. I’m feeling quite muddled these days about what this sudden avalanche of health problems is about. Whatever it is, it’s taking much longer to put the pieces together than David or I would like. Blessings and big hugs for you and Natalie!
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You’re in my thoughts and prayers for all that you need physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Prayers for you, and your doctors, to know what to do…what is best for you. May the best path be made clear.
Your photo and your poem are powerful…and so relatable to so many of us. ❤
(((HUGS)))
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Thank you, Carolyn! I’m so grateful for your comment. After a life of many aches and pains, most of them resolved without prescription drugs, I’m now feeling the weight of having to make decisions (for separate doctors) about how I’ll proceed from here when it comes to medications. All prayers are greatly appreciated–especially prayers for my sense of peace and clarity in the middle of all this muddle. Blessings, hugs, and lots of smiles! 🙂 🙂 🙂
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Always thinking of you and sending calming love and hugs
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Thank you, dear Kim. Calm. Precisely what I most need. Along with as many hugs as I can get. I hope this finds you well and writing your heart out!
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On a break from writing while the story juices stew pleasantly. Heavy work load, but enjoying down time with hubby and the pets. My old girl is getting old on me… if I don’t cherish the time I’ve got, I’ll regret it later. Life keeps moving, but I’m enjoying the ride❤️🥰be well, my friend, and always thinking of you and smiling. Loved the poetry, and still being it out and read passages❤️🥰❤️🥰
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Your writing once again touches my heart…merci
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