Unrehearsed
by Elouise
Downstairs
the piano is being tuned
one key at a time
In my heart
one string after another
slips a bit
Who am I now?
Who am I becoming?
Silence reigns
What was
is no longer
the end
What was not
has come to life
at the end
How unscripted
and disjointed
it all feels
Yet the beginning
and the end meet,
Unrehearsed
Rarely in my adult life have I felt so out of control. So uncertain about today, tomorrow, and even yesterday. We see so much, and know or understand so little.
At the same time, though, pieces I never before understood suddenly punch me in the gut. Yes, there is a logic. But not the logic of my childhood.
Life if a gift. Often beautiful and filled with joy, though not without pain and uncertainty. Not simply because of our mega-earth crisis, but because of personal ‘stuff’ that gets in the way.
Still, I look outside my kitchen window every morning. Nothing has been rehearsed, and nothing has been promised. Yet the birds keep visiting the feeders, the trees dance in breezes or lash around in torrential storms, and the sun comes up whether I see it or not.
It’s an honor to be human. Nonetheless, sometimes I would love to trade places with a small Carolina Wren, a large Red-breasted Woodpecker, or Smudge sitting at the kitchen window watching the morning feeding frenzy.
Cheers from me to you on this chilly, windy, early April morning.
Elouise♥
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 4 April 2022
Photo taken by erf, September 2020
Telling the Truth 
What a lovely bird-watching photo. 😉 It makes me smile.
And Smudge makes me smile. Give him pats and rubs for me. 🙂
I feel as you do, SweetElouise! You’ve expressed all of this so well.
I try to see each new day as a gift. And see what I can do that day to bring joy to someone.
Instead of being overly concerned about what I can’t control, I’m trying to focus on what good I can create each day. 🙂
I appreciate nature and how it brings good little surprises and keeps me grounded. Such a joy to bird watch…commune with the moon…feel the sun’s warmth…see the trees blossoming, feed the bunny that visits, etc. 🙂
(((HUGS))) ❤️ and prayers! 🙂
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Thank you, Carolyn. I’ve had a rough two days and am only now getting around to responding. Your comment cheered me up a bunch! 🙂 Today the sky is thunder-cloudy and eager to dump a ton of rain. Hardly what I would call “April showers!” However, it’s warm and dry inside and I have more than enough to keep me going. Sadly, the birds have taken cover (smart birds!) until this storm passes. Smudge has followed their lead–hanging out in one of his ‘safe’ spots. Cheers and hugs! 🙂
Elouise
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Love it. Makes me think about how we seem to go through a circle in life. As children we have so little control but marvel at all the things around us. As we age, we realize how little control we truly have but still can marvel at the beauty around us. Maybe we have time to open our eyes a little wider and see things we missed when so busy and “in control”.
Blessings to you.
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Dear Tim,
Thanks for your comment. Your comment about what happens as we age is spot on. The last few days one of my tasks included going through old files (from university and seminary days) and tossing out as much as possible. It occurred to me that all these records and notes are weights I’ve carried around since I retired years ago. Though I must admit I’ve enjoyed many fond memories as well. Your final comment about being “in control” is spot on. It took a while for me to absorb the wonder and freedom of not being in control. Praying this finds you well.
Elouise
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You must have sent me jewels from nature today. It finally stopped raining, at least for today and yesterday, so I went for a walk. And on the way I saw both a Spoonbill and a Cormorant (shag). They were close together but the cormorant wasn’t up for sharing his sunny perch! Much like Smudge, I spent an amusing ten minutes watching them.
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Dear Gwen,
I’m so stoked that you were able to go out for a walk that included watching a Spoonbill and a Cormorant! Without rain!!! This morning we had a relatively short but furious piece of a larger thunderstorm come through. April showers have been sparse until today. However, forsythia is blooming all over the place, and we already got to see crocus popping up everywhere. Maybe we’ll finally get to see some serious growth on our lilac bush and maple tree. Plus birds, of course. Today Smudge is very quiet–sitting silently in one of his ‘safe’ spaces until the storm passes.
Elouise
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That walk was a rare and blessed moment. We had torrential rain again yesterday and the day before. Bedroom carpet wet for the umpteenth time. Golf course submerged again. Water in our basement carpark (which is below the water table) coming up the drains instead of going down. Our region has now had the full year annual rainfall in the first three months of 2022.
I’m so glad though, that spring is shining through in your area, despite the passing storm.
Gwen
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Oh, Gwen…What a nightmare! I don’t even want to tell you we have gorgeous spring weather this morning. One day and night at a time…. And buckets full of patience and perseverance.
Elouise
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It is what it is, I guess. Patience and perseverance as you say. But I revel with you in your joy of spring.
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Good to read your words. They always were life-giving. In my mind’s eye you have always been a truth-teller. Glad to see you are still offering your honest feelings about life for the benefit of those who listen to you.
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Dear Phineas,
I was thrilled to see this note from you and took the opportunity to find out more about your ministry. Congratulations on your relatively new position as a hospital chaplain. Before my mother died back in 1999, the chaplain of the hospital was one of the most important persons who interacted with her and with family members, including me. She also stayed connected after my mother was released into a hospice facility.
Your comment brought back many memories–good, for the most part! The last couple of days I’ve been sorting through old files, getting rid of all kinds of stuff from my work at the seminary. You were definitely a bright spot. I pray your new position is giving you many opportunities to connect with children, teens and adults dealing with life’s often unhappy surprises.
Elouise
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And you were a bright spot in seminary for sure. Before I started chaplaincy I was a pastor, and during my last five years of my last pastorate I was adjunct faculty in religion at Carthage College, Kenosha, Wisconsin. One of the classes I taught was History of Christian Thought. Would never have been as well prepared for teaching that without the benefit of your instruction. Thanks for the encouraging words regarding chaplaincy. It’s very rewarding to be there for folks at these times in their lives. Blessings to you in every way.
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Thank you! And the same to you. You were also a bright spot — and, if I remember correctly, you’re one of my early students who presented Klein Calvin to me just before you graduated from seminary. He still has a seat of great honor in this house! Makes me laugh, too. 🙂
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