The view from my attic
by Elouise
Two days ago I retreated to my attic. It was a cloudy, windy, cold day, late in the afternoon. Not the kind of weather that invites a lovely outdoor walk. So there I was, making do by walking up and down the attic, wondering why I’m still here.
The last several months have been difficult. Living with peripheral neuropathy is a mystery. Some days I feel normal; other days I feel like a stranger in a body that doesn’t seem to be mine. And I wonder how much longer I have on this earth.
But back to walking in the attic. The curtains at the back of the attic were open. Without warning, the sun came out, and the maple leaves suddenly came to brilliant life. Yes, they were being blown around, falling to the ground. But they were also a gorgeous reminder that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
So what beauty is there in me? In you? Especially those of any age who don’t have the options they used to have. The leaves are going to fall, no matter what. So I’m working on enjoying each day as it comes, laughing and crying as often as needed, bidding goodbye to parts of my life that were wonderful. And being grateful for the bit of wisdom I’ve learned along the way.
All things considered, I’d rather be the woman I am now than the woman I was before I began blogging.
Gratefully,
Elouiseβ₯
Β© Elouise Renich Fraser, 27 October 2022
Photo taken by me on 25 October 2022
Elouise,
Sorry about the neuropathy. We know as Dolores has this also. She holds onto me when she walks.
Chet
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Hi, Chet!
It’s wonderful to hear from you. I didn’t know Dolores has neuropathy as well. I can easily picture her holding onto you when she walks. I have a cane that helps me along when I’m outside–and David to do some of my walking around stuff every day. I pray things are going as smoothly as possible. Old age isn’t for kids.
Give Dolores a hug and a big smile from me. π
Elouise
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I am beginning to relate to body changes in this way. I wonder what I look like to someone else when I’m getting out of the car. I feel like I must look decrepit! But, like you, I love being surprised by sunshine and color!!
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Hi, pnaugle!
Your comment made me laugh. I know the feeling. No matter how hard I try, I seem to have lost all that wonderful gracefulness I know I used to have! π It’s a good thing we have something to look at besides ourselves. Not that we’re ugly or repulsive, mind you. Just aged and wise beyond our years! π
Elouise
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So sorry things have been so difficult of late. π¦
Your words encourage me and remind me that we can find beauty in all the seasons of nature AND in all of the seasons of our lives. We may look, and feel, more like the winter-tree than the spring-tree these days π …but we must remember winter-trees ARE beautiful, valued, and needed. π
As nature’s seasons can so align with our life seasons, I like to remember that nature can be a great source of inspiration and calm all year round. This time of the year is an opportunity for calm slowness…less out-and-about, more observation from within the warmth of our homes. We can take this winter-time to learn something new, to nourish our souls, to spend time with the ones we love, to encourage others, etc. π
(((HUGS)))
β€οΈππ
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Thank you for this response. I like your words, “calm slowness.” Not giving into the need to look ‘normal’ is a daily exercise for me. And yes, ALL of us are “beautiful, valued, and needed.” π Hugs to you during this period of your life. I think Smudge would love to sit on your lap if he could. π
Elouise
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You’re welcome, SweetElouise!
I would love to hold Smudge if I could. π β€οΈ
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He just got up from my lap! πππ»
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Smudge would have to share my lap with Cooper at times! π HA! π
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I think that would be called a two-ring circus! π Or war…. π
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HA! Not sure how Smudge would react. ???
Cooper loves cats…and it kind and gentle to all. π
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Oh how lovely! And I am thankful, too, that you came into my life.
We have a similar view from our livingroom window, of ornamental maples in bright leaf, oranges, reds and greens about to fall and be swept aside in the careless run of life. But looking at the display, blown about, and carelessly beautiful, I could not help noticing that my eye sees a blaze of deep fire, where my camera struggles to capture that vividness. I have tried to snap it into memory, but it rests more joyfully in my eyes, and my memory. I never have used cameras all that much, and really admire those who can capture that life-light in their images.
Bless you, always!
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Dear Fran,
It’s so good to hear from you. I would love to look out of your living room window! It always strikes me as an act of pure madness and beauty when autumn leaves begin hurtling through the air, falling to the ground. Sad and invigorating, all at the same time. As for you, I can’t imagine my life as a writer/blogger without you in it.
Sending smiles and hugs across the pond!
Elouise
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Elouise, I love the person you are today. You are an encouragement to me, a kindred spirit, a wise and compassionate friend, a sounding board, a voice for justice. We are both aware of our declining health and the pain we live with daily. But our value, first to God, and then to others is immeasurable because of who we are, not what we do.
Marilyn
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Marilyn,
Thank you for your kind, wise comment. I’m happy to count you as a friend. We are indeed growing old together–daily. And yes, it’s all about “who we are, not what we do.” You’re so right: our value isn’t based on what we do, but on who we are. Not an easy calling. Especially in a country that values what we do (or how much money we make, or what we look like) more than who we are despite our age, health, gender, or a thousand other crazy requirements for being in The Club.
Elouise
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The parts of life that were wonderful. Never say goodbye to them!
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Hi, John.
Thanks for your comment. I think I agree with you. However, how about this? I have wonderful memories (along with too many of the other kind). There are still unexpected (and wonderful) memories to be made. I don’t want to get so lost in yesterday, that I miss the beauty and importance of the present. Something like that….
It’s good to hear from you.
Elouise
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