Giving up without letting go

by Elouise

My mind is weary.
My body aches.
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.
Things that seemed set in concrete
keep shifting.
People I love are gone
or going.

Even so,
The sun is gorgeous today.
The sky is brilliant blue
dancing with fluffy white clouds.
Birds sing their hearts out.
Children scream with glee
in the school yard.

It all happens so quickly —
this strange thing we call living
while dying.

During the last several weeks I’ve been seeing doctors about my health, including my diet. It turns out I’m part of the 2% population in the USA who have hypokalemia. The percentage does not count patients in hospitals, nursing homes, or other medical facilities where hypokalemia is common.

I have one more doctor to see in the next two weeks. By then I’m hoping to have a better grasp of what this means for my diet, my heart, and my kidneys. I’ve already begun to gain weight, so that I’m now back in the ‘normal’ category. I’m also delighted to be munching on nuts, seeds, and other welcome bits that are part of my new diet.

One more thing has weighed heavy on me these weeks. My remaining two sisters have serious health issues. They live at great distances from each other and from me. Sister #3, Diane, died of ALS after living with it for ten years. In some ways, she was my closest sister. I’ve decided to go back through journals I kept when we were able to be with each other.

Diane made a huge impact on my life. Especially when it came to dealing with approaching death. She was never one to be morose. She was, however, painfully honest from the beginning to the end. Now it’s my turn to deal with whatever is coming my way.

This morning I walked in our neighborhood. The birds were singing their hearts out.  The children on the school playground were screaming with joy. As for me, I was stunned at the bright blue beauty of the sky, and the number of songbirds I saw and heard. Call it food I didn’t have to prepare or measure out in pre-set proportions!

These are trying times for the entire globe. I pray you’re finding ways to do what you must, while also enjoying the surprises of each day and night.

Thanks for visiting and listening.
Elouise♥

© Elouise Renich Fraser, 5 June 2023
Photo taken by JERenich, Easter 1953; with thanks to Mother for making our Easter dresses.