Who am I?
First-born of four daughters, preacher’s kid, survivor
Musician, theologian, educator
Wife, mother, grandmother
Intuitive, reflective
Good girl-bad girl, God’s beloved daughter-child
Unpredictable, rebellious, stubborn, determined, sensitive, persistent
Sometimes courageous truth-teller
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 11 Nov 2013
Telling the Truth 
Elouise,
I would like to know you.
I found you when I tried to look up a Mary Oliver poem that included the line “I think perhaps I may always be lonely in this world…” , or something similar.
I found myself, as you said in another blog, dropped into ( I’m sure, with Devine loving purpose, lest I would have sought the love of man rather than that of God), the “ black sheep” position in the family, and not by my choosing ir any actions of my own, except perhaps that if fleeing to the woods for the longed-for and satisfying embrace that both you and Mary describe.
At 59, having held countless public jobs including teaching and public interpreting, raising five lovely kids and coaching countless soccer teams, I find, the same feeling has clung to me, or rather, I am acknowledging that it is an innate part of myself and being in the world to experience it. Rather than seek to be understood (as St. Francis so lovingly puts it), i am coming to an acceptance that most if the people in this world, love them as I do, are not likely to see or feel or comprehend (or not comprehend), things as I do.
So what do we do??
We write, we walk, we touch and look and hear and Feel and think as we may, and treasure all the thoughts and sensations we share with out fellow Created beings, and feel the embrace of the Creator.
And, occasionally, run across a kindred spirit.
Dear lady, I’d love to hear more from you.
Carol
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Dear Carol, It took me over a day to get to your kind comment. Your description of yourself reminds me of a book that has helped me immensely (since 2015). My psychotherapist recommended it. It’s called The Highly Sensitive Person’s Workbook. Author: Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D. I didn’t work through every part of it, and I find it’s still helpful for me today. It doesn’t try to ‘fix’ anything. In fact, it’s very practical, filled with interesting exercises (some of which may or may not relate to you).
Mary Oliver’s line about being lonely in this world is reality. I found that my HSP “gift” was very difficult to live with (though I depended on it!) in the academic world. I also happen to have married a wonderful man who does not share my gift. I find journaling and writing to be wonderful outlets, especially now. The last thing I want to do (as I hear you also saying about yourself) is to pretend I’m someone else so others won’t feel uncomfortable.
Your connection to St. Francis is right on target. We can’t be someone we are not. And yes, it means being observant without trying to get others to see or agree with us. The most difficult place this happens for me is in my relationship with my husband. He is an incredibly brilliant thinker and clearly loves me dearly. He is not, however, a highly sensitive person. I’ve learned to keep some of my observations to myself.
Again, I highly recommend Dr. Aron’s book on HSP (Highly Sensitive Persons). It was the first time I’d read anything that helped me understand myself as well as ways to ‘survive’ in various settings. If you’re interested, here’s link to an early post about this topic: https://wp.me/p32tHJ-34s
Thank you again for your comments. I pray the coming year will bring you peace and even a sense of proper pride/gratitude. I think being an HSP is a gift.
Elouise
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