There’s a hole in my heart called Mom
Three letters missing from
my childhood alphabet soup
Empty.
I run on empty
Search for something Read the rest of this entry »
Fall 1969-spring 1970. I loved having Diane around during my first year as a Faculty Wife. She was a senior at the Bible College. Diane quickly became part of our social life, along with some of her zany, like-minded friends. D took this photo at the rental house just after we arrived in fall 1969.
Diane had been in Japan during the summer with a team of students doing short-term missionary service. Her bum knee (injured months earlier while playing basketball with one arm) flared up, and she returned on crutches. Now we’re trying to find a spot on the ground that’s flat enough to keep her steady while we eat lunch outdoors.
Perhaps you noticed how much things have changed at the Bible College. Both of us have real knees that actually show. No more covered knobby knees! Or skirts below the knees.
Over the Christmas break in 1969, we moved into our new house and enjoyed a rare snowstorm! See below. That’s our son in his winter gear, intended for Boston winters. Which, of course, this is not. The snow was probably gone within a few days.
Early in spring 1970, Diane asked if we would host her 21st birthday party in mid-April. Of course we would! Given her creative streak, she wanted something memorable. No silly games. Just challenging and fun activities. Most of these women had either participated with Diane in one of her crazy dormitory practical jokes, or had been a target. They didn’t like dull.
So for the main activity we came up with a giant finger-painting session. It would have to be on the floor. On butcher paper that D and I taped together and cut into a large circle. Something to treasure forever! We mixed up ample fingerpaints, and I baked goodies galore plus a birthday cake (no pictures, sadly).
Here are two photos of the main art event.
I think Diane is in the lower right-hand corner of the first photo. About 12 women came.
In the background of the second photo you’ll see our son, now about 1 ½ years old, looking on with longing and apprehension. Yes, he’s been told this is for the women, not for him! How cruel can it get? See his thumb in his mouth? He’s definitely fighting the urge to jump in.
I can’t remember how it happened. One minute he was holding back. Then the women took pity on him. Someone took his shirt off, and the next minute he was all over that work of art and the women were just loving it! As was he.
So was I, and then I wasn’t. It was fine as long as he stayed on the edge and dabbled. But crawling onto the great work of art was the last straw! D saved the day. He grabbed Son before he got to the middle, and took him straight to the bathtub. I grabbed the camera and followed. Don’t ask me how it got on his back. I don’t want to remember.
Then there were super happy visits to Diane’s dorm room. Diane took this photo during one of his babysitting visits to her dorm room. He’s sitting at the foot of her bed.
Our son doesn’t really get it that there’s an intruder coming soon. But first I need to backtrack a tiny bit.
To be continued….
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 10 August 2015
Photo credit: Elouise (son in bathtub), and DAFraser (all others), 1969 and 1970
In 1993 Diane flew to Savannah to witness my meeting with our parents. She told me she was having some strange symptoms, and thought it might be post-polio syndrome. Finally, in 1996 she was diagnosed with ALS. In this children’s sermon I can’t help noticing her emphasis on our need for help.
1 May 1994
What do you think these big papers might be?
…Plans! Right! For what?
…the new part of our church building. That’s right! But it isn’t all the plans. That was way too big and heavy! So I just brought the part that’s called the MEP’s.
MEP stands for the Mechanical, Electrical and Plumbing plans.
After the new building is finished you won’t see all these things. But somebody has to make the plans for all of them and draw the plans up very carefully. They even asked me to help with some of this! They asked what kind of dispensers we want in the restroom. I was glad to tell them, because I had an opinion!
So all those fine details you might not think about at first are written in the specifications or drawn on the plan.
Right now some companies are looking at the plan very carefully. They’re deciding how much it would cost us for their company to do all these things. That’s why the details in the specifications and the drawings are important. They have to put in writing how much everything would cost if they build this new wing for us. Then we get to pick which company will do this for us.
Now I have another book here in my lap. What is it?
…A Bible! Right!
Did you know it’s also full of specifications? It’s all right here. All the details about how God wants us to build our lives. And there’s more! God sent Jesus to live on earth, to be like a picture of how God wants us to be. It’s all written down in this book, the Bible.
But there’s one big, important difference from the other kind of specifications. What if a company starts building for us, and something goes wrong, or they don’t do it the way the specifications say?
Someone will say No! That’s not what the specifications say to do. You’ve got to change it!
But you know what? When God gave us specifications, God knew we couldn’t do it by ourselves. You see, God doesn’t just tell us how to do it. God says I also want to help you do it!
We don’t do that when we build a building. We say this is the way it’s supposed to be, and you’ve got to figure out how to do it! All by yourselves!
But that’s not the way God is. God says this is the way I want you to build your life, and I want to help you do it. So as you get to know God by coming to Sunday School, reading the Bible, and talking to God in prayer, you get to know how God can help you build your life.
I’m so glad God does it that way. Aren’t you? Let’s pray and ask God to help us follow the specifications God has given us for our lives.
Thank you, God, for detailed building plans for our new building, and for people who know how to make all the plans so the builders know just what needs to be done. Thank you much more for the book of specifications you gave us, the Bible. And thank you for sending Jesus to be a picture of how you want us to live, and for wanting to help us build our lives that way. I pray that we’ll do everything we can to get to know you better, and know how you can help us build our lives just the way you want. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 8 August 2015
Picture from pvumc.org
For the last several weeks I’ve been preoccupied with my health. Especially with the results of several blood tests. I’ve been anxious and fearful about various diseases, dreading a kind of darkness that hovers just off-stage, Read the rest of this entry »
I did not make this up.
He, sitting at the breakfast table, in a pleasantly talkative mood this morning.
Just because we’re designed for freedom, that doesn’t mean it comes easily or naturally. George MacDonald is thinking about himself and his struggle to be free of his dire darkness, his fear and doubt. He got me thinking about my struggles. My comments follow. Read the rest of this entry »
Renich Reunion 7/20/1958 – picture taken at Athletic Park, Newton, Kansas
All my cousins? Nope! There were 30 first cousins at this first-ever Renich family reunion in July 1958. If I’m counting right, we’re all there in the picture. That includes one babe in arms–back row, third from the left. Our newest edition was born only 12 days before the reunion. The grand total, Read the rest of this entry »
1949-51 Nash Ambassador – similar to ours
It’s nearly midnight in July 1958. I’m 14 1/2 years old. We’ve been on the road from Savannah, Georgia, driving to the first-ever family reunion on my father’s side. Read the rest of this entry »
Fall 1969. Most of our first year back at the Bible College is a blur of activity and pregnancy. Our second child is on its way, and the clock is ticking down fast! We’re renting a house, thanks to a friend who hopes we’ll rent it the entire academic year.
D has new lectures to prepare every time he turns around. Our new son’s energy increases to warp speed. I have morning sickness for the first three months of pregnancy, and enjoy having Diane (Sister #3) hanging out with us. She took the photo above.
Then we start thinking. What if we had a house of our own and could move in well before our second child arrives? We start looking. We find it! Our friend isn’t happy when we tell him we’ll be moving out right after Christmas.
The house is brand new, in a growing subdivision where we know at least one of the families. Small, almost boxy, all on one floor, simple layout with lots of kitchen, dining and living room space for having guests over, and enough bedrooms for our growing family.
I have my usual doubts and fear about money running out or not being there at the end of the month. How do we know we can pay for it? And won’t we have to buy a lot of furniture? Indeed, we will.
Oh, one more thing. What will people think about us? Spending all this money? It seems I have fear about not having enough, and shame about having too much. Both are familiar old feelings from way back.
Part of me is excited about the new house. The other part feels guilty and even ashamed. I never felt guilt or shame when we lived in Mr. Griswold’s house. That was different. We weren’t paying for it. But now we’re using our hard-earned money to buy a house and brand new furniture?
When we were students at the Bible College, if you didn’t have a lot of money and lived by faith, you would surely be admired. In fact, asking people to pray that I’ll have enough money to buy a bar of soap was better than having too much money.
On the other hand, being well-off enough to afford a house could be dangerous to my spiritual health. That was the Bible College way. Am I trusting in God or trusting in money? Am I living by faith or living by my own earthly means?
When I was growing up, George Mueller’s example was often referred to and spoken of with great reverence. Here was a man of true faith—no income, an orphanage with children to feed every day, and nothing but prayer as the way to go. Mueller prayed, and food showed up when and as needed. Here’s a link to a children’s version of his story. Very interesting.
I didn’t get this way about money all by myself, you know. The mission organization with which my parents served for 15 years didn’t allow its members to have steady jobs or regular incomes from regular employment. Love offerings and honoraria were fine, but nothing was to take the place of living by faith.
This was also the theme of the Bible College. Living by faith was part of what they called “victorious Christian living.” The institution was funded through prayers and the unexpected gifts that ensued. This was better than the world’s way of depending on steady income instead of faith in God. Hence, too, the faculty allowance system instead of a guaranteed paycheck.
So signs that we might have more money than is absolutely necessary were still shameful to me. That included seemingly small things like trinkets that weren’t purchased for any practical use, or store-bought clothes (instead of altered hand-me-downs or home-made clothes).
And then there was that investment thing. Buying a house might be a wise investment. But to at least some, this was treading a fine line. Investment might be another form of gambling. Definitely not a sign of living by faith.
To be continued….
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 4 August 2015
Photo credit: DRenich, Fall 1969
Telling the Truth 