Haiku/Poetry | Telling the Truth

March 7, 2024

Does truth matter anymore?

Better yet, do we realize how difficult it is to say exactly what we want or need to say? This poem from Without a Flight Plan caught my eye yesterday. I can’t get it off my mind…especially given what’s at stake for us here in the USA.

Half truths + Half lies = Lies

And what about real life?

Half-truths
Half-lies
Does it really matter?

Yes means ‘Yes…but’
Not now means ‘maybe
in the sweet by and by’

Mind your manners
Sweeten your voice
Remember who you are not

You do care
About your children
Don’t you?

Or your job
Or your good reputation
Or your life

Sly words
Strung like pearl
Bullets

If you flee
They will find you
In the end

Now….
What did you want
To say?

Sometimes I wonder whether we in the USA are looking for truth, or for entertainment. Something that will lull us into the sad belief that everything is going to turn out fine, just fine. Not just everything about upcoming elections this fall, but what’s going on in the rest of the world. To say nothing about constant upheavals of nature and the weather.

I’m not suggesting we should become experts. We already have too many so-called ‘experts’ flooding our news media 24 hours a day. We can, however, become better listeners. Not just to our way of seeing things, but to those who don’t always (or ever) agree with us. Especially those closest to us.

Right now, however, I’m going to stop writing and get back to life in this old house with King David and Prince Smudge. I’d vote for either of them any day. And maybe for you, too!

How are you coping with current realities of this weary world?
Thanks for stopping by.
Elouise♥

12 Comments

December 16, 2023

Grief revisited

winter sun pierces
my paralyzed heart waking
frozen grief at will

The last few years have been difficult in ways I never anticipated. For whatever it’s worth, I’m not wired to be a happy-go-lucky woman. Nor am I eager or able to ‘get over’ what my body and spirit can’t let go of.

How might I make use of grief I’ve experienced for 80 years as the female I was and now am? Not because it will make me feel better, but because grief acknowledged and shared can build bridges with people we never dreamed we would meet.

Due to ongoing health issues, I struggle with daily isolation. Still, I’m a people person. These days tears come quickly. They’re often followed by anguish and anger at how isolated I feel, and how many things I can’t count on anymore.

When I was in my late 40s, I did five years of personal work in AlAnon. I attended meetings three times a week. I learned quickly that what triggered my desire to fix others kept me from tending to my own pain. For the first time ever, I learned to listen. I also learned when and how to seek help from trusted friends.

Naming my issues and being accepted for the woman I am created a bridge of trust that gave me hope and courage to keep going. I don’t know exactly where this will take me. Still, I’m grateful for your visit today. Especially now, as things seem to be falling apart wherever we look.

Praying you’ll find peace and hope during this holy season.
Elouise

© Elouise Renich Fraser, 16 December 2023
Photo of Northern Lights at edge of Boreal Forest, Manitoba, Canada taken by David Marx, found at pinterest.com

21 Comments

December 4, 2023

This old relic

Who am I?

A relic
An old lady
Loaded with memories
A traveler
waiting her turn
to board the next flight out

Slow
Weary
Confined by this and that
Sometimes loving each moment
on the sofa
with D on one side
and soft furry Smudge
on the other

During the past few weeks we’ve had family members here for my 80^th birthday and for Thanksgiving. As wonderful as it was, it was also a reminder that D and I are now in the ‘old age’ department, with most of the exciting stuff happening elsewhere.

Every now and then I wonder why I’m still here, though I love each moment with family members and various pets. What does it mean to be this old? And why do memories of my past keep coming to mind?

When I began blogging, I wanted to work through my past in writing. As a child and then teenager, my perspective was rarely accepted as part of the conversation. Nor did things get easier after I left home for my own life with D and our two children.

Today it seems we’re crash-landing into messes that belittle women, children, and men, and invite us to look the other way as this world falls apart.

What does it mean to be living in times like these? I can’t get this question out of my mind.

Thanks for visiting today.
Elouise

© Elouise Renich Fraser, 4 December 2023
Photo of our family taken Christmas 1971

13 Comments

October 6, 2023

I never knew…

I never knew life
would become fraught
with unknowns and
diminishing returns

Today’s ‘news’ overflows with
hype and vainglory
presenting itself as the reality
it is not and never will be

Chaos seems to reign by
stirring unrest and
more dis-ease than
a body can tolerate

I turn off the news
in favor of beautiful music
sweeping over me
one note at a time

How does a body/soul respond to undisciplined warfare that demands attention every moment of every day and night? The sad truth is that my generation of white women and men has helped bring us to this point of what seems to be madness.

Our current upheavals can’t be denied or ignored. I used to think progress would come in good time. It has not. Instead, we seem to be catapulting downward and backwards here in what we so proudly call the United States of America.

Even so, my challenge has been and still is to do what I can one day at a time. Not just for and with others, but for myself. It’s simple. I’m still learning to live within my limitations without apology, resentment, or anger. A hard act, I must admit.

Thanks for stopping by today. I pray we’ll all find ways to focus our energy on what matters most.
Elouise♥

© Elouise Renich Fraser, 6 October 2023
Photo found at speak-the-truth-thewei.com.jpg

10 Comments

August 1, 2023

Reminders that I’m not alone

Tears well up,
spill over without
warning

Sadness looms,
indelibly engraved
on my heart

Reading old journals,
playing the piano,
watching fiery sunsets

Or watching children filled
with laughter on a day
unlike any other day

Content and discontent
all in the same moment

Life is short.

What will I do with this day?
Does it even matter?

Look! There’s a brilliant goldfinch on the bird feeder!

Yes, I know my desk is covered with clutter—
things I don’t want to close, put away just yet
or forget.

Sometimes I think my life has become a pile of
notes, cards, letters, and lists of supplements
I take to keep this old body chugging along.

Still, today there’s a goldfinch on the feeder,
and cool, dry air we haven’t enjoyed recently,
plus cicadas singing their screechy summer songs,
and Smudge roosting on the refrigerator door.

Not everything I would like
but enough for this day–
reminders that I’m not alone

Thanks for stopping by.
Elouise♥

© Elouise Renich Fraser, 1 August 2023
Fancied-up photo of Smudge plus magnifying ‘eyeglasses’ provided by our daughter and her husband.

20 Comments

June 5, 2023

Giving up without letting go

My mind is weary.
My body aches.
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.
Things that seemed set in concrete
keep shifting.
People I love are gone
or going.

Even so,
The sun is gorgeous today.
The sky is brilliant blue
dancing with fluffy white clouds.
Birds sing their hearts out.
Children scream with glee
in the school yard.

It all happens so quickly —
this strange thing we call living
while dying.

During the last several weeks I’ve been seeing doctors about my health, including my diet. It turns out I’m part of the 2% population in the USA who have hypokalemia. The percentage does not count patients in hospitals, nursing homes, or other medical facilities where hypokalemia is common.

I have one more doctor to see in the next two weeks. By then I’m hoping to have a better grasp of what this means for my diet, my heart, and my kidneys. I’ve already begun to gain weight, so that I’m now back in the ‘normal’ category. I’m also delighted to be munching on nuts, seeds, and other welcome bits that are part of my new diet.

One more thing has weighed heavy on me these weeks. My remaining two sisters have serious health issues. They live at great distances from each other and from me. Sister #3, Diane, died of ALS after living with it for ten years. In some ways, she was my closest sister. I’ve decided to go back through journals I kept when we were able to be with each other.

Diane made a huge impact on my life. Especially when it came to dealing with approaching death. She was never one to be morose. She was, however, painfully honest from the beginning to the end. Now it’s my turn to deal with whatever is coming my way.

This morning I walked in our neighborhood. The birds were singing their hearts out. The children on the school playground were screaming with joy. As for me, I was stunned at the bright blue beauty of the sky, and the number of songbirds I saw and heard. Call it food I didn’t have to prepare or measure out in pre-set proportions!

These are trying times for the entire globe. I pray you’re finding ways to do what you must, while also enjoying the surprises of each day and night.

Thanks for visiting and listening.
Elouise♥

© Elouise Renich Fraser, 5 June 2023
Photo taken by JERenich, Easter 1953; with thanks to Mother for making our Easter dresses.

16 Comments

May 20, 2023

Crossings of No Return revisited

Well, I can’t say this was the most exciting week of my life. Nor is next week looking great. Not that there aren’t high points. Rather, it’s the other stuff that’s sitting there waiting for resolution of some kind.

These days, it’s all about food. Not what I’m eating, but what I’m not eating enough of. This past week I’ve been awash in information about how to get my potassium level up. Given my strange history with food, this isn’t a slam dunk.

Perhaps you already know about hypokalemia. I didn’t. Last week I saw my cardiologist. This coming week I see my kidney doctor. I’m hoping we can get on the same page, and that I can keep up with the challenge.

In the meantime, this poem from Without a Flight Plan caught my eye. I first published “Crossings of No Return” in April 2017. I don’t have any more answers today than I had back then. In fact, we seem to be spiraling out of control without any clear commitment to living differently on this aching planet. Not just as citizens, but as individuals dealing with unknown or unanticipated health and welfare issues.

Crossings of No Return

Crossings. . . .

The word resonates with finality
Hints of danger and uncertainty
Sorrow and desperation
Weary clothes and
Hungry faces

One foot in front of the other
Backs burdened with life’s necessities
Bodies and bellies heavy
With tomorrow’s children
Silently pleading

They say our world is disappearing
Melting and boiling away before our eyes
Erupting into a chaotic crisis
Unknown in modern times
Are we ready for this crossing?

Bottom line: Many of us face heart-wrenching sorrow and terrifying uncertainty in today’s world. It isn’t new. It’s in our faces. We can’t ignore it or pretend it will go away following our next election. Nor can we set ourselves apart in a ‘special’ category of human beings who for one reason or another are doing fine, just fine.

As for me, my own sense of security has been carried for decades on the backs of people who never asked to be treated as less than fully human beings. I used to think my family of origin was poor. It was not, all evidence to the contrary. It’s a bit like potassium. If I’m not getting enough of it, it’s because I’m turning my attention to other things–hoping against hope that I’ll make it through in spite of my blindness to reality.

Praying you’ll find small ways to make a difference in the lives of people around you. Not in big, bold ways, but in small ways–maybe half a banana?

Thanks for stopping by!
Elouise♥

11 Comments

May 13, 2023

My Mother’s Spirit – revisited

I still love this photo and the short poem below about my Mother (Eileen). She died in 1999 following a brain hemorrhage that was too much to overcome, given her post-polio problems and other physical ailments.

Mother looked nothing like the woman in the photo above with this exception: She never gave up. Eileen loved her favorite bright red winter coat. She also loved playing the piano, cooking with next to nothing in the larder, turning small bits of this and that into a miraculous feast. She also served as a lifeguard at swimming pools, and was like a child who always loved to sing and play games with her daughters and the neighborhood kids.

Still, she and I didn’t get to know each other from the inside out until late in her life. Her extrovert and my introvert rarely seemed to come together–except when one or both of us sat down to play the piano.

After my 1993 meeting with my parents, we managed to stay in touch. It wasn’t easy at first, but slowly we began to see each other from a different point of view. When she had her last stroke and was taken to the hospital and then hospice care, I began to understand how lonely her life had become, and how much she loved the music that tied us together.

Here’s the poem I wrote several years ago. It goes with the photo above, and still makes me tear up.

My mother’s spirit
came calling last night
I saw her footprints
in this morning’s snow
precise and measured
She passed quietly
beneath my window
step by small-hooved step
down the driveway
before crossing over
into the woods beyond
our house asleep
and dreaming

Thank you for stopping by today. This world continues to be very harsh toward women, especially during times of disorder and disarray. Mother’s Day gives us another opportunity to appreciate what it takes, especially in these troubled times, to carry on as a mother in the midst of chaos.

Elouise♥

13 Comments

May 10, 2023

What I’ve Decided

Photo taken by DAFraser at Longwood Gardens, May 2019

This week I had a routine checkup with my cardiologist. Yesterday I read (as usual) his posted notes about the visit. Hence this ‘poem.’

If I am to survive each day and night
If I am to remain reasonably alive
Or unreasonably not so alive
It is best not to ruminate

Visiting my doctors isn’t exactly Fun
Nor is it the Pits
What gets to me aren’t lively conversations
we have about how I’m doing today

Rather, the rumination begins after our
appointment when I review online the
accumulated data of my history with,
let’s say, my cardiologist, a gifted gentleman

If it weren’t for the amazing capabilities
of Computer Land in today’s Medical World,
I would not be reminded regularly
of all things that could or should happen
if I make the mistake of not taking this or that
suggestion to heart, so to speak, and swallowing it

Okay. So it’s not a ‘real’ poem. I just had to get some of my feelings out there—given how many doctors I now see each year, and how many post-visit notes I read from them. Exhausting? Sometimes. Though overall I’m most grateful for their expertise and encouragement.

So that’s it for today! I’m also grateful D is doing well after his health emergency last week. I’ll see my wonderful kidney doctor next week….

Thanks for stopping by!
Elouise♥

7 Comments

April 3, 2023

Getting back to ‘normal’

Thanks for visiting! I haven’t posted anything since March 11. Here’s a quick rundown.

On February 22 I had surgery to replace pacemaker I Love Lucy I with I Love Lucy II. The surgery went well, though the anesthesiologist arrived about 3 hours late (not her fault). Post-surgery was a nightmare of pain and itching due to use of a strong saline solution that messed up my skin. It’s still healing.

In the middle of March, two long anticipated events occurred. First, D turned 80 years old! Second, our daughter and her husband visited us for the first time in more than 3 years (thanks, Covid). They live in Oregon. Both are superb musicians. Our son-in-law was part of the recent Unwound coast-to-coast tour, playing two nights in Philadelphia a few weeks ago. No, I didn’t get to hear the concert in person. Too late and too much for an old lady like me. Besides, what I most wanted was to spend time with them–which we did, before they flew back to Oregon.

Finally, about three months ago I began taking a small capsule twice a day for pain caused by peripheral neuropathy in my feet. It isn’t a drug, and it won’t heal anything. Instead, it reduces pain in my feet. If you’re interested in knowing about this kind of nonprescription approach to many inflammation problems, here’s a Harvard University article. Long, and incredibly interesting.

Finally, it seems we are in yet another Trump show, whether we like it or not. In addition, climate change seems here to stay, and we have fallen into world war whether we like it or not. What will come tomorrow? I don’t know. So here’s small poem about what I do know—about myself.

Cast onshore
Of a deserted island
Shaking water
From my eyes
Seeing nothing
And nobody
As unanticipated
I wonder aloud
Who am I
And why am I here
Now and not then
When all seemed well
That ended well

Published in Without a Flight Plan, p. 61
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 2021

Thank you for stopping by, especially in the middle of trying times.
Elouise♥

7 Comments

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