Spiritual Formation | Telling the Truth

February 21, 2021

Life shrinks daily | Lent 2021

Is it not enough
That I have survived?
That You have never
Turned away from me?

Life shrinks daily
A wrenching letting go
Of many things

Masks and pandemic protocols
Shroud me in a deathlike dream
From which I cannot wake
Before the next stanza
Takes me down

The sun is out today, though the air is still below freezing. White mounds of snow look like small mountain tops invading the back yard. The birds are basking in chilly sun, taking their turns at the birdfeeder.

I sit in my kitchen, an onlooker to life, wondering how and when things went sour.

Then again, this is the first Sunday in Lent. My heart tells me it’s time review what I’m giving up yet again for Lent. No, it hasn’t gotten any easier to say this prayer. Especially the last line.

I let go my desire for security and survival.
I let go my desire for esteem and affection.
I let go my desire for power and control.
I let go my desire to change the situation.

Quoted by Cynthia Bourgeault in Centering Prayer and Inner Awakening, p. 147 (Cowley Publications 2004)

I wonder what Jesus of Nazareth felt and thought as he approached his coming death?

Praying for an accepting heart and a grateful spirit.
Elouise♥

8 Comments

February 16, 2021

thick roots revisited

P1040831

thick roots tangled knots
barely hanging onto bank
drink deep waters

The last several days have been unpredictable and sometimes discouraging. I keep reminding myself that I’m not in charge of things. The news these days isn’t great. Even so, every day offers an opportunity to look up, look back, look ahead, and take another step. I wrote the following comments in April 2017.

~~~

This haiku was my third post to this blog, published on 3 January 2014. It still haunts me, though not in the same way.

I first saw these roots when D and I were walking with our daughter and her husband through Hoyt Arboretum in Portland, Oregon. I couldn’t tear my eyes away. The tangled roots were beautiful and foreboding.

It was a bit like blogging, which I’ve experienced as a formidable venture into unknown territory. Like being born and surviving. Sometimes against all odds.

Writing lets my exposed roots show, often whether I realize they’re showing or not. Writing also stakes my claim to a tiny, precarious plot of land that sits open, vulnerable and visible to passersby.

I’ve traveled a long way since my early posts, yet my roots are still my roots. Bare, and barely hanging onto precious ground that’s stronger, deeper, and more nourishing than I could have imagined.

Deep waters aren’t visible, and they don’t untangle all the knots in my life. Sometimes I wonder whether they’re drying up.

Yet even in dire circumstances, I discover more than enough to get me through each day. Sometimes with tears of sorrow and disbelief. More often with joy and sheer gratitude for the privilege of being human. Able to thrive in the forest next to redwood giants, with miniscule ferns growing around and from my feet.

© Elouise Renich Fraser, 26 April 2017, and 16 February 2021
Photo credit: DAFraser, October 2012, Hoyt Arboretum, Portland, Oregon

8 Comments

February 8, 2021

Disputed and Forbidden Words

“Boundaries”—
Demolished by DT & Friends

“Truth”—
It’s all relevant, right?

“Justice”–
Just for me and mine and those who support me

“Facts”—
What I wanted to see or think I saw, or what I wrote/read on Twitter

“Incitement to Riot”—
Who, me?

We’ve arrived at DT’s second Impeachment Trial
However, it isn’t only about DT
But about every Senator casting a vote
And, most importantly, about us

How did we arrive at this moment?
It isn’t as though we couldn’t see it coming
What sickness unto death infects our nation?

Denial comes to mind

We’ve become experts at our own forms of group denial.
We go along to get along. We feel helpless.
We look the other way. We roll our eyes.
We entertain gossip instead of hanging up the phone,
turning off the TV, or leaving the room.
Or we try to explain away what just happened
as though it weren’t important.

I’m as impacted by all this as the next person. Writing about it isn’t the same as taking a stand. Though I’ll admit it helps me focus.

Bottom line: We need more than Covid-19 vaccinations. I pray there’s still time to begin telling our national truth and seeking national justice for those we’ve harmed, ignored, or belittled. Plus those to whom we’ve cozied up because they had power we thought we needed or deserved.

Elouise♥

13 Comments

February 5, 2021

A great reckoning

Covid-19 Memorial

A great reckoning is upon us
With or without our approval

Hundreds of thousands
Lie cold in the earth
From which they came
Tiny bits of joy and wonder

Beautiful even when
Deemed worthless
By those who prize
Color or male genitalia
over heart and soul
Wealth over a fair income
Red lining over fair access
Gerrymandering over truth
Control over empowerment

Now cold in the ground
Or present with the Creator
The dead cry out for justice
Which will surely come
At great loss to the living
Rich or poor or in-between
Democrat or Republican
Independent or Green Party
Or no party at all

As we keep saying,
We’re all in this together–
the high cost of living in the USA
whether we like it or not

I’m always taken aback by the fate of some prophets in Hebrew and Christian scriptures. Though some survive the ordeal of telling the truth to kings and religious leaders, others share the fate of their nation. Like Jesus of Nazareth, they, too end up being killed.

I’m not a champion of martyrdom. Nor do I believe everything will necessarily turn out ‘right.’ At the same time, I believe our smallest actions, seen or unseen, tell the truth about us. Individually and together.

Right now we seem to be sending mixed messages to ourselves and to the world. Messages not just from some of our politicians, but from our churches and religious institutions. Especially, but not only, those filled with or supported by white patrons.

We the people aren’t up for sale to the highest bidder. Not now, not ever. And yes, there’s a cost involved.

Praying each of us will find a way to make a truth-filled difference in this pain-ridden country dying of grief.
Elouise♥

6 Comments

February 2, 2021

Trapped in an iceberg

Male Cardinal hunkering down after last night’s snow storm

Trapped in an iceberg
Called social distancing
Just when we need
Each other more than ever

Rankles my soul while
Day and night I ponder
My options for becoming
A real human woman

I exist on the internet
I exist in my email
I exist at great distances
On a phone or through a window

Grateful, Angry, Grieving,
Lethargic, Energetic,
Engaged, Disengaged,
Where and Who am I?

The mantra goes through
My weary brain daily
‘We’re all in this together’
Though I know we are not

Like an unexpected tsunami
The pandemic exposes us
In vivid colors and attitudes
Mirrors of our own making

It’s been nearly a year since we embarked on an experiment for which we still have no map. I’m grateful to be alive. I’m grateful I can read, write, enjoy Smudge, watch birds in our back yard, and walk with D in the neighborhood.

Nonetheless, none of that takes the place of regular interaction with regular human beings who don’t live in my house. It doesn’t matter who they are, or whether I like them a lot or a little. There’s something life-giving in these encounters that’s irreplaceable. Even for introverts.

Imagine that we find a cure, or the perfect vaccination for Covid-19. We’ll still need each other. Not to go back to our old ways, but to get on with the tough work of becoming a nation in which black lives matter as much as white lives. And those without great financial riches matter as much as those with giant incomes.

If that’s too far a reach, how about learning again to be neighbors? Or how to welcome strangers into our lives?

Elouise♥

5 Comments

January 31, 2021

Psalm 1 | Zephania Kameeta

Bishop Zephania Kameeta wrote this version of Psalm 1 during Namibia’s struggle for human rights. Born in 1945, Bishop Kameeta’s life work has revolved around the fight to end apartheid in Namibia.

It seems we here in the USA are still trapped in our own USA-style apartheid system, with no end in sight.

Psalm 1 introduces the entire collection of 150 Hebrew Psalms. It describes two ways we can live. The way of wisdom, or the way of folly. Which will we individually, and as a nation, choose to take? Here’s how Reverend Kameeta saw these two ways or paths of life playing out in Namibia.

Psalm 1

Happy are those who reject the evil advice of tyrants,
who do not follow the example of sell-outs
and are not resigned to live as slaves.

Instead they find joy to be in God’s commission
for the liberation of the oppressed,
and they work day and night without rest.

They are like trees that grow beside a stream,
that bear fruit at the right time,
and whose leaves do not dry up.
They succeed in everything they do.

But the traitors of the liberation cause are not
like this;
they are like straw that the wind blows away.
Puppets in the hands of the oppressors
will be condemned by God.
They will have no share in the blessings of the Lord.

Those in God’s service for the liberation of the downtrodden
are guided and protected by God.
But those who are instruments in the hands of the oppressors
are on the way to their doom.

Psalm 1 interpreted by Zephania Kameeta
Published in Why O Lord? Psalms and sermons from Namibia, p. 24
No. 28 in The Risk Book Series, pub. by World Council Publications
In collaboration with the Lutheran World Federation of Churches
© 1986 World Council of Churches, Geneva, Switzerland

Psalm 1 offers us two choices. God’s way of wisdom and truth, or the oppressor’s way of folly. Each Psalm is about one or both of these ways. Over and over, they show us what it looks like to take one way or the other.

I’m caught by the third line: “Happy are those who…are not resigned to live as slaves.” Though I’ve never been called a slave, I know how easy it is to hunker down and make myself small or silent, when I should be speaking up or raising a ruckus. No matter what color my skin is.

Then again, if I’m living as a slave to the evil advice of tyrants, perhaps I need to listen more and make less ruckus.

Elouise♥

4 Comments

January 29, 2021

The daily duel

The seesaw goes up
And comes down hard on
One side or the other
A dueling match of warlike disproportions
A daily photo-op of humanity battling
Between visions of more or less

We’ve become hoarders of perks
Not earned by our color or
Lack thereof and certainly not
By our intellectual capacities
Or ability to play the stock market

What would it take I wonder
For us to lay down our perks
And deal with harsh kickback that
Wants to wrestle us
To the bottom of the swamp
Consigned to ignominious outcomes
Reserved for those not like us

If there’s an uneven slant in this poem, that’s because the US is not a balanced nation. Reapers of perks and privilege not earned are still basking in the sunshine of self-glory. Yes, President Joe Biden won the 2020 Election. Yet powers that sought to undo the 2020 Election are already marshalling for battle.

Am I prepared to pay the cost of laying down my white female perks? Sadly, most of my other-than-white friends don’t have this option. And many churches that claim to be following Jesus don’t remember what this looks like in real life.

Still, the question isn’t about them. It’s about me. Am I ready? Our contentious post-2020 Election season was just the beginning. Aided and abetted by four years of swampy (non)leadership to and from the bottom, not the top.

It won’t help if I try to take down the Big Guys and Big Gals who threaten to undo us. This isn’t a game of seesaw. It’s about real life and real people in real time. Plus my willingness to join new ways to level the playing field. One small bit at a time.

Happy Friday to each of you.
Elouise♥

© Elouise Renich Fraser, 29 January 2020
Photo found at Pixabay.com

2 Comments

January 24, 2021

How are you doing today?

Our pastor asked this at the beginning of today’s online sermon. It caught me by surprise. It’s also better than a thousand other things we might talk about. So I’m going to begin, and invite you to respond about yourself.

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being Great, I’m scoring about 6 or 7 on most days. Why?

~Sometimes winter weather is harsh, meaning no outdoor walk with D
~My health, which requires constant attention 24/7
~The sudden unraveling last March of regular social life (Covid-19)
~Reverberations from chaos recently unleashed on Capitol Hill
~No in-person visits with family members or friends
~Grief that comes with acknowledging I won’t be here forever, which will come sooner, not later

Grief, disappointment, sadness, weariness, uncertainty, loneliness, heartache, fear. I could pretend they don’t bother me. But that wouldn’t be telling the truth.

Thankfully, things like the following bring me joy or gratitude.

~Having enough food (most of it prepared by me)
~Walking outside with David when the weather is decent
~Seeing neighbors and chatting a bit on the street
~Phone calls and email from family members and friends
~Playing with Smudge or holding him on my lap while he sleeps
~Watching birds on our backyard feeders
~Reading a good book and playing the piano
~Listening to music any time of day

Still, good times won’t cancel out down times. Nor do they answer all my questions about life and the world as we know it today. Each day is different. Making plans is difficult. At the same time, Christian faith gives me a foundation I sorely need every day. Scripture, music, devotional reading and journaling.

What about you? How are you getting through this long passage of time, including loss of people you know and love?

Elouise♥

6 Comments

January 18, 2021

A bit of bravado

The space between
My father’s voice and
The voices of those
In authority over me
Is very small indeed

With one quick stroke of
A heartbeat my confidence
Drains away like blood
Refusing to flow through
My body red and strong

I spoke my naked mind
To my father hoping to
Reclaim a voice lost
Somewhere in the now
Distant past of childhood

Today I must speak my mind
To systems that like my father
Believe they have the answers
Without any desire to listen
To real people with real lives.

I don’t have visible power or
The glory of being in charge
Or standing without guilt before
God and country or even the
Church I still love despite it all

Thoughts and feelings like these resurfaced in the last several days. It began with the attack on the Capitol building, followed by the feeling of being invaded in my own home. Which led to wondering whether I should smooth out some of my yet to be written blog entries.

I’m grateful I’ve moved beyond that for now. Still, I’m no less aware that we here in the USA are in a situation for which there is no map.

My mother wasn’t allowed to speak her truth. Neither was I or my three younger sisters. Instead, we often ended up vying for Daddy’s favor. My main objective was to get through the next bad scene without another beating. It took bravado, though I often got into trouble anyway. Still, I scraped together enough bravado to maintain my sense of self, desecrated as it was.

For this coming year I’m counting on truth, and hoping for a bit of bravado! My blog is still about telling the truth. Now notched up a bit, given the woman I am today, the situation in which we find ourselves, and the reality of my impending death. Time is running out.

Elouise♥

1 Comment

January 15, 2021

Made in the USA

Wouldn’t it be grand
To write Trump’s presidency off
And say Done!
As he walks into the setting sun

Yet even as we sleep
A trillion seeds
Sow discord and
Disdain from sea
To shining sea
From the mountains
To the prairies

This isn’t the Trump Brand
It’s the USA Brand
“Made in the USA”
Our perpetual motion display
Of disdain for neighbors
And for strangers within
Our gates looking for
Nothing more than
A life on this earth
Free of the relentless
Task of living in two or more
Worlds at the same time

Black lives
Shades of Brown lives
And don’t forget the women and children
And men of any color at all
Struggling to make ends meet
In every state of our disunion

The Not Welcome Sign
Now rusty and ugly
Hangs in the breeze
Mourning and begging
To be taken down

Are we too late?
Worse yet, have we begun
Another endless chapter
In Our Great Myth of the USA?

As long as our Creator gives me breath, I’m committed to telling the truth.

Sometimes I’m tempted to hold back. Guard my flanks. Lower the flag of protest or truth just a bit. Yet I didn’t begin this blog in order to tell the truth about what’s sweet and nice.

When I posted yesterday’s poem, I felt a bit edgy. Not because of what I said, but because I said it at all. Silence might seem safer and easier. From my childhood, however, I know that’s a lie.

Whether written, lived or spoken, it doesn’t matter. Truth is the only way we’ll find ourselves and make our way together, whether we like the truth or not. Otherwise, we’re running around or hunkering down in our small worlds, or we’re trying (like Trump) to make huge splashes that might feel good, yet do nothing to promote our common welfare.

Thanks again for visiting and reading,
Elouise♥

8 Comments

Category: Spiritual Formation

Like it? Pass it on!

Like it? Pass it on!

Like it? Pass it on!

Like it? Pass it on!

Like it? Pass it on!

Like it? Pass it on!

Like it? Pass it on!

Like it? Pass it on!

Like it? Pass it on!

Like it? Pass it on!