My Worst Nightmare? | Story #3
I can’t remember when D sent me this cartoon. I do remember taking one look and saying I’ll NEVER post that cartoon!
So why not? Read the rest of this entry »
Telling the Truth
connecting the dots of my life
Tag: Relationships
October 2, 2015
The Lady of Shalott and I | Story #2
Painting by John William Waterhouse (1849-1917), Tate Gallery, London
In 1983 I began teaching theology at a seminary in the Philadelphia area. Though my office was small, it had a window and built-in bookshelves on almost every wall. The other wall slanted in at the top–taking up precious space and head-room. Read the rest of this entry »
September 30, 2015
Three Days, Three Quotes Challenge | Day 3
Russian women and children in underground bomb shelter, 1942
Women will always fear war more than men because they are mothers.
A woman will always have a baby, her own or her children’s in her arms.
She will always be tormented by fear for her children,
the fear that one day she might be a witness to their own deaths.
Natalya Baranskaya, Russian Writer
It’s easy to think that in the USA we don’t have a long history of overt warfare. We do, however, have a history of covert warfare that is traumatic for those living with it daily on the streets, at home, in prisons, or in places of employment.
I recently began following Fiction & Development, a blog that uses fictional literary works to discover and highlight international development issues. I’ve linked to their recent review of selected literary works about women and children during times of war.
The reviewer points out that protection of women and children has often been used as a propaganda tool to persuade citizens to support war efforts. To this I would add, to persuade citizens to vote for this or that politician. Look at the box of quotes (not fictional) at the end of the review to see how world leaders have done this in recent years.
What woman or child doesn’t want safety? How does one vote against propaganda that assumes wartime creates lack of safety for women and children, or that going to war will make things safer for ‘our’ women and children? Put another way, how does one vote for the reality that all women and children are vulnerable at any time, and that the rhetoric of war denies this truth?
* * *
Thanks to my blogging friend Herminia for inviting me to take part in this challenge! If you don’t know her already, check out her blog. Herminia is a go-getter. She doesn’t waste time or words. Every post is short and to the point.
Here are the rules for this challenge:
- Post one quote a day for 3 days (your quote or someone else’s)
- Thank and create a link to the blogger who nominated you
- Nominate 3 other bloggers (per post) to take part in the challenge
Here are my last three nominees:
- You! Are you still sitting on the fence, wavering? Just do it!
- Mum C Writes
- Verseherder
No Rush and No Obligation ~ You don’t have to report in to anyone!
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 29 Sept 2015
Photo credit: Arkady Shaikhet, 1942, found at pinterest.com
September 27, 2015
The Most Important Truth I’ve Learned | from Diane
Sadly, this is the last of Diane’s children sermons. It’s dated 11 February 1996–just months before she left her position at the church due to increasing ALS challenges. I’ve put off publishing it–partly because I don’t want to stop hearing her voice.
As one of her sisters, I know how difficult it was for us sisters to ask for help. You and I aren’t little gods or goddesses, sent to live perfectly serene and lovely lives. We’re God’s beloved daughters and sons, sent to live in the muck and mire that comes with mountaintops and valleys. We won’t make it by ourselves. We need each other, not just God.
We also need to know the most important truth Diane has learned. So here it is–in case you haven’t already guessed.
11 February 1996
Well….Good morning, folks! This is a special week! There’s a big day coming up Wednesday. Do you know what it is?
…Right! Valentine’s Day! After first worship somebody told me that’s an awfully sneaky way to remind your husband of Valentine’s Day! But what can I say? It works!
Tell you what. This week has another special day. At the early service Clay [Diane’s husband] nearly fell out when I said it’s our anniversary today!
He knows very well that our wedding anniversary is in June! [laughter] June 12! [more laughter] 25 years this year! [more laughter] Okay! Let’s see if he forgets…! [even more laughter]
Actually the anniversary today is special for me and my husband and our family. Ten years ago today our family joined this church. How about that? So it’s an anniversary for us today.
I’ve been thinking about important things that have happened during those ten years. And especially about the most important thing I’ve been learning the last ten years. I thought of something that reminds me in some ways of Valentine’s Day.
On Valentine’s Day we like to tell people that we love them, and make sure they understand how much we love them. Guess what? For the past ten years the most important truth I’ve been learning about is how much God loves me. That’s a super important thing to be learning.
In fact, when I think about the most important thing I want you boys and girls to learn about when you come to church, it’s that God loves you. Each one of you, and all of us together!
God loves each one of us. I’m learning it doesn’t matter what I do; there’s nothing I can do that will make God stop loving me. And there’s nothing that can happen to me that will separate me from God and God’s love for me.
When you come to church and to Sunday School week after week, you learn a lot of things. I think the most important thing that you could learn is that God loves you. So when you think about Valentine’s Day and about coming to church, I hope you’ll remember that it’s not just people who love us. God loves us, and God loves me no matter what. Let’s pray together and tell God thank you for that.
Thank you, Father, for these boys and girls who are here with me this morning. Thank you that they’re in a place today where they can be learning how much you love each one of them. I thank you for the way that you’re teaching me that truth as well, through this church and through other experiences of life. I pray that each of us will understand more and more the truth that God loves each of us, and that nothing any of us does can change that love. Even better, nothing that happens to any of us can separate us from you and your love for us.
These things we pray in Jesus’ name, Amen.
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 26 September 2015
Image from http://www.partiallyperfection.com/god-loves-me-to-pieces/
September 25, 2015
You’re not what I expected
Just over one year ago I posted a poem in honor of our 49th wedding anniversary. I called it The Other 9/11. Now we’ve marked 50 years together—and D is still not what I expected. Read the rest of this entry »
August 25, 2015
Faculty Wife | Part 11
FRAGILE
Handle with Care
I’ve never been an extrovert. I have, though, witnessed insensitivity toward the feelings and unpredictable responses of extroverted children who don’t have skin made of iron.
Surprisingly, our extroverted USA culture Read the rest of this entry »
August 21, 2015
Faculty Wife | Part 10 – Photos
I got lost today looking at old family photos from late 1970. So I decided to take you with me! Our headliner is Son’s first professional style hair cut. Read the rest of this entry »
August 16, 2015
I Need Help! | from Diane
It’s November 1994, well over a year before Diane knows she has ALS. As a polio survivor, she demonstrates every day that she can do things others think she cannot. Her list of accomplishments is long. Yet nothing is so difficult as the challenge she now faces. Here’s how she talks about it in this children’s sermon. Read the rest of this entry »
August 14, 2015
Faculty Wife | Part 7 – Photos
Time for Big Brother to meet Baby Sister! He’s captivated by her every move and feature. He also notices the earth shifting beneath his feet. He knows he’s getting a little sister; he doesn’t, however, have a clue what that will mean. Nonetheless, he throws himself into his new role with exuberance.
We now have, though we don’t realize it yet, an extroverted Son and an introverted Daughter. Maybe you can see a bit of it in the photos? I wish I had tapes of the nonstop chatter and questions. On second thought….
Here are a few photos taken soon after we brought our Daughter home from the hospital. In fact, the first photo is the day we brought her home. You can see the hospital bands on my wrist. I think D is giving Son the talk about how to touch the top of his sister’s head.
In the photo below, I can’t help noticing the Andrew Wyeth print above the couch. Calming and peaceful. The exact opposite of what happens when Son gets on his stick-horse and gallops around the house.
Shortly after we got home from the hospital, my mother and father came to see their new granddaughter and to help with whatever needed to be done–laundry, cooking, cleaning, gardening, and admiring their first granddaughter! I think the photo below was taken on a Sunday morning. Those look like Sunday shoes and socks on Daughter.
The Currier and Ives print swivel rocker was my favorite chair ever. It lasted for decades before having to be retired. Comfy, comforting and always peaceful, especially with good music in the background, as seen here.
We don’t have a TV yet. Just the sound equipment we brought from Cambridge, and a growing collection of records that now includes children’s songs and stories. No piano in the house, but lots of music for relaxing, marching, crying or singing.
Definitely another Sunday photo. Son is wearing his new ‘suit,’ made by my mother or by me. Can’t remember. Daughter has her now-familiar taking-it-all-in look. She was a quiet, present, calm, and patient second-born. She had no trouble, however, signaling when enough was enough. To say she had a ‘voice’ on her would be an understatement.
The week we arrived home, a big package came for Son. It was from D’s mother. A gift to celebrate the arrival of his sister. Here he is pulling it out of the box. Meet Big Bear, one of many stuffed animals who featured in multiple make-believe stories and activities.
Just looking at these pictures makes me a bit nostalgic. But not too much. The journey from there to here has been as human as any family’s journey. Which is why I want to keep writing about myself.
The far side of this journey feels better than the process of getting here. Yet I look back now and see connections I never saw back then. Being able to do this simply increases my gratitude for what I have now, and for family members who made this journey with me.
To be continued….
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 14 August 2015
Photos by DAFraser, Elouise and family members, 1970
August 13, 2015
Faculty Wife | Part 6
It’s late May 1970. I’m sitting on the edge of the bathtub, giving Son a bath before he goes to bed. The house is full of my family members, including my parents. They drove up from Savannah to attend Diane’s commencement.
We just finished an early supper. Mom and Sister #2 are cleaning up the table and kitchen. Tonight is Diane’s baccalaureate service, and D is leaving early to be part of the faculty processional.
He comes into the bathroom to tell Son and me goodbye. He’s all dressed up, carrying his robe. I feel a little left out of the fun. He gives us goodbye kisses.
I hear D going out the front door. Suddenly I feel something. Surely it was just another false contraction. They’re the pits! Besides, I’m in no position to go into labor right now.
My water breaks. No doubt about it. I’m still sitting on the edge of the bathtub. I holler for someone to stop D! Sister #2 races out the front door and catches D just as he’s backing out of the driveway.
It doesn’t take long to figure out I need to get to the hospital pronto. D and Sister #2 help me get to the car. I stuff a towel under my seat and D drives straight to the hospital. The time between contractions is frightfully short.
Things have changed since our son was born. In South Carolina, husbands are now allowed in labor rooms. There’s one small requirement. The husband and his pregnant beloved must have a certificate showing they successfully completed a Lamaze course for couples. We have the certificate! We’re ready!
We were expecting something like this. . . .
When we get to the Baptist Hospital, they take me via wheelchair, with D this time, to a labor room. It’s small and private. Just a table for me to lie on, a chair for D, and a button to push if we need help. The nurse assigned to monitor me has an abrupt, take-charge, no-nonsense manner and a voice to match. My heart sinks. I’m glad D is with me.
Nurse immediately checks to see how far along I am, while telling me to stop complaining so much! When I hear how far along I am, I ask for a pain-reliever. The same kind I had when our son was born. It’s important not to wait too long, or it won’t be very effective.
Nurse is reluctant to give me anything. This is nothing! I’m not nearly ready to give birth! I insist. Firmly. Where I found the strength to talk back to her is beyond me. I’m sure I said things I might regret if I remembered them. But I don’t.
I do remember, however, that she told me to stop being such a sissy. Then she begrudgingly gave me the pain reliever. Her better idea was to put me out completely right before I gave birth. No way! I wanted to be awake for this event, and relatively pain-free. Is that too much to ask for?
Unfortunately, after giving me the painkiller, there was no time for D to help me breathe, much less relax between contractions. Only 5 or 10 minutes max after getting to the labor room another nurse came to check and immediately took me to the delivery room. No overhead mirror this time so I could watch what was happening. It didn’t take long for our beautiful daughter to arrive, only 1 ½ hours after my water broke.
D felt disappointed and deprived of his role as my coach. So did I. He also loves to remind me of all that time he spent in those training classes, learning to time my contractions, help me breathe and get comfortable, etc., etc., and all for Nothing!
Still, nothing takes the place of how happy we are that we now have a daughter and a son! Here we are, soon after delivery, looking at our new daughter through the nursery window.
We don’t have a clue how much life just changed.
To be continued….
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 12 August 2015
Photo credits: DAFraser (top photo), Getty Images from bbc.co.uk (prenatal class in England 1968), Unknown (bottom photo)
Telling the Truth 