Last December I published a longer version of this post. The portion below covers the period of time I’m writing about, our first year of marriage. Directly across the street from our apartment was an auto body shop open 24 hours a day. That’s because wrecks happen 24/7. Read the rest of this entry »
Self-contempt has been my primary issue for years. Until I learned to have compassion on myself, it was almost impossible not to have contempt for others. Here’s what self-contempt has looked like Read the rest of this entry »
I’ve never thought of Mother as my primary role model for relationships with men or with women. Yet she was precisely that, in ways my father never was.
About gatekeepers and me
Gatekeepers: The bosses. The men in charge. In my lifetime they’ve all been men.
Their words and attitudes could make or break a woman’s reputation. Read the rest of this entry »
Not once have I blamed Daddy for his beatings and troubling behavior toward me. In Part 3 of The Air I Breathed, I talked about my habit of constantly blaming myself. I didn’t like seeing this then, and I still don’t like it. Blaming myself may have been OK as a survival skill when I was a young child and teenager; it’s not OK now, decades later.
So where am I today? Read the rest of this entry »
Dear Readers,
‘Youth’ includes everything before the present moment.
The older we get, the more ‘youth’ we accumulate.
Don’t even try to get out of this one! Read the rest of this entry »
I haven’t always called myself God’s beloved daughter-child. For years I wouldn’t have dared presume such a high-minded view of myself. How did this happen? And how might this help me think about what I believed when I was 11 years old?
This post is about the first question: How did this happen? The second will wait. Thanks for being patient. If I don’t address today’s topic first, I’ll end up picking my childhood theology to pieces. Read the rest of this entry »
frozen in memory
erupting without warning
dear earth gasps for air
* * * * *
haunting
sounds of
choking
escalate
no words
no breath
no time Read the rest of this entry »
There’s this boy in my life. He thinks he’s my boyfriend, and he won’t go away. He’s a bother and a pest. Constantly pushing the limits. I think he’s coming to our school because someone (his grandmother, who takes care of him?) wants him to be turned into a well-behaved young man. Not a chance, if you ask me. Read the rest of this entry »
house-bound dog peers out
at park space green trees people–
front door closed locked barred
* * * * *
I grew up with a fierce need to be right,
a heavy dose of fear and Read the rest of this entry »
Telling the Truth 