Caught in a near nightmare
by Elouise
This morning I woke up feeling strangely empty. And weeping. Partly because of a near-nightmare and partly because we’re living, it seems, in a near-nightmare.
In the dream, I’m alone in a small room, just getting ready to exit. I’ve decided this small room isn’t going to work for me. Suddenly a man I don’t know and have never seen before walks into the room. He isn’t impressive in stature or looks, yet I know in my gut that he’s potentially bad news. He immediately flops down on the single bed near the door.
As I walk toward the door to exit, he reaches out and grabs my hand. His face clouds over with contempt and a sneer. I know I’m done for if I don’t take charge. I feel small and defenseless. Caught in a nightmare not of my making. I feel his grip tightening on my hand.
I wake up not knowing what to say or do next.
The man’s eyes, the sneer on his face, and the totally invasive nature of his presence and behavior communicated his firm belief that I was totally irrelevant. In his eyes my life mattered not a whit.
It’s sometimes difficult these days, especially since I’m on the older end of the age spectrum, to maintain a sense of relevance. But this was bigger than that. It was about the invader’s power and willingness to exercise it no matter who I might have been. Though I’ll admit it didn’t help to be female.
This tired old world is in a season of growing visible and present chaos. The kind this world has seen before, though not with so many growing warehouses of nuclear arms and an over-supply of trigger-happy leaders ready to prove their supposed virility. Ordinary people seem to have become irrelevant. Except as props on a political stage.
I don’t fixate on this every day. Nonetheless, it’s always in the air begging for my addictive attention. If I remain fixated, I’m a goner, dead or alive.
Instead of playing along with the ‘dream’ man’s agenda for me, I relax, ignore his eyes and disgusting speech, and pray out loud and in a strong voice these challenging words from Mary Oliver’s poem, “Six Recognitions of the Lord.”
Oh feed me this day, Holy Spirit, with
The fragrance of the fields and the
Freshness of the oceans which you have
Made, and help me to hear and to hold
In all dearness those exacting and wonderful
Words of our Lord Christ Jesus, saying:
Follow me.Mary Oliver, Thirst, stanza 5 from “Six Recognitions of the Lord”
Beacon Press 2006
Which is my prayer for all of you as well. No matter what comes next.
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 23 September 2017
Image found at givaudan.com
Daily Prompt: Irrelevant
Thanks for this. I’m in Asia and had a layover in Seoul, and it made me realize the devastation that is being threatened would overflow into more places than we think of, and over more people than we know.
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Thank you, Rose, for this comment. It makes me want to hear more about what you see from your part of the world. So much at stake. And it’s so good to hear from you! 🙂
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inspiring! Thank you for the passage at the end.
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You’re welcome, msjadeli! I just love this passage. It puts it all together for me. Simple and challenging. 🙂
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Just as you mentioned “I wake up not knowing what to say or do next”, I exactly know how it feels to wake up to a bad dream. Those thoughts after you wake up and the fear just grips in your mind and there is nowhere you can slide. I have started to tell about them to the people who are dear and close to me. I appreciate that you wrote about it, it’s a way to let go of those scary feelings.
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You’re welcome, and thanks for this comment, Sara. I like to defang them by writing my own endings! And discovering where they’re inviting me to go or grow. We seem to have an abundance of bad dream material coming at us nonstop just now. Serenity and clarity is precious indeed. 💐
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A most excellent encouraging passage E. I try not to watch the news too much, not wanting to feed into anxieties…it was like when the hurricane was coming, you felt helpless and small and wondered if you’d live to see tomorrow. Politics lately the same way. I lose myself instead in small acts of kindness and a positive spirit that I pass along to all who wish to partake and share. I don’t like nightmares like that….but sometimes the subconscious cues into our fears and plays them out, perhaps to give us strength to stand up and say No, this will not happen. I am too strong to succumb. Peace and love and lots of strength coming your way my friend….and your image of the purple fields is to die for….love me the purple ❤
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Thank you Kim! We need all the encouraging images and exercises we can muster these days! Your reference to Irma is a great example. I like your comments about our subconsciousness. A great service when we’re pay attention to its not so subtle messages! Isn’t that field sublime? I could almost smell the fragrance, and wondered whether it was once a battlefield….💜💕
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A battlefield, I would think it would be marked in some way,
But when we feel the ghosts of history lingering about,
Always good to pay heed, in this case,
They are gifting us with magnificent sights of beauty😊💜
Peace and love my friend,
Keep calm and subconscious on🕉🙏🏻
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Oh Eloise, “irrelevant” took me to a similar place on my post today! Your piece ended beautifully with poem. I am not terribly spiritual, but I find your writing takes me there. Thank you!
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You’re welcome Beth! I’ll have to get over and read your “irrelevant” post….😊
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There is a women in the block where I live who has a vicious dog. A week ago a very stupid man who thinks he is above all laws of decency was poking the dog through the fence. The dog was getting angrier and angrier and the woman opened the gate and the dog flew at the man and savaged him. The dog has since been ‘put down’. But it wasn’t necessary and the man caused more trouble than was necessary but he is going around expecting us all to think he is a hero.
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A Very Fine Parable, John. And a tragic lesson not learned. Most appropriate for today, all things considered.
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They should have put the bloke down instead. Stupid woman for letting her dog have a go at the mongrel!
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I have struggled with nightmares a lot lately, so this really spoke to me. I drew a cartoon about having bad dreams and how they affect your day. You might relate, take a look if you like. http://www.luthienthegreen.wordpress.com
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Thanks for your visit and your comment. I just looked at your post and left a comment for you. There’s hope for everyone, and I pray you’ll find your way, too. 🙂
Elouise
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Thank you very much. I hope so too.
Lucy
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