Report from nowhere
by Elouise
This week I feel like an alien in my own body skin and clothes
Who is this woman? Why is she here? Do I know her anymore?
And what’s she trying to tell me? Does it even matter just now?
On top of which we have a tropical depression bearing down.
Waves of heat and humidity that don’t wave or move at all
They just sit there undulating like serpents in a pit of pain
I want to be my own free agent yet there’s always something
Something else needs attention or adjustment or acceptance
Tears well up in my eyes even when I try to smile at myself
You say all is well that ends well and yet nothing seems to end
It just spools out like pink or purple thread that won’t be contained
Knotted and tangled in a heap waiting for me to do something
Though I don’t know what it is and couldn’t care more than I do
For this body You gave me all white with blue eyes and straight
Hair that just sits there looking at me begging me to love it
This morning I wake with a dream the first I’ve had that makes
Halfway sense in this upside down world of retirement that
Feels nothing like the resurrection I need just now in my soul
In the dream a young family takes my words and music and spins
Them into beautiful visions I recognize yet don’t recognize as
Mine in the soulful music and art now accompanying our conversation
All this and more before I wake up not wanting to bid them farewell
And find myself in an airport café wondering where on earth I’m going
And why I didn’t bring any luggage and don’t want to leave just yet
©Elouise Renich Fraser, 11 August 2018
Interesting post, Elouise! Do not despair, for the more we move away from ego towards spirit, the more the ego fights back with depression and anger to make itself ‘real’ to us.
Airport = a place of transition before you fly away – fly away = good news! No luggage = no encumbrances… no ties.
You found yourself in a beautiful place. No wonder you didn’t want to leave. It helps to remember that each of us really has no idea what or how much we contribute to the world, with our hopes, thoughts and actions.
Much love!
Fran xxxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes…I’m taking comfort and some direction from that dream. Thanks for all your comments. Much appreciated! 💜💕
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m sorry you’re feeling down and had some unpleasant dreams. Being old isn’t always that way.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hi, Waldo. The worst part was not wanting to leave the dream without knowing what might come next. This last week had more than enough challenges! I’m looking forward to more pleasant moments this coming week, even though I can’t guarantee them. 💐
LikeLike
I hope next week is better!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Herminia. Writing about stuff helps–a surprising benefit of blogging. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sending love your way ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, April. There’s nothing quite like the ups and downs of life. Still, I never did like roller coasters that much…. still don’t. 🙂
LikeLike