Telling the Truth

connecting the dots of my life

Tag: Daily Prompts

February 7, 2017

Trembling Heart | for Diane

Trembling heart sits on edge
waiting.

Unseen by human eyes
she calculates in vain
the cost of knowing
or not knowing
looking for solace
if not release.

Piece by painful piece
mortal heaviness
strips proud bravado
as bare as truth standing defenseless
in the dock of human finitude,
calm, grieving and grateful.

***

Today I had a checkup with my electro-physiologist. I sat waiting, trembling inside, wondering what the doctor might discover in the data from Lucy, my pacemaker.

I toyed with the possibility of not keeping these appointments. After all, for generations before me there weren’t gadgets that could make visible the rhythms of our beating hearts. Maybe there are things it’s better not to know.

When I got home, I was still teary and pondering all this. I was also aware that February marks the death anniversary of Diane, my Sister #2. She lived ten years with ALS, enduring the loss of almost everything we take for granted as human beings. I’ve posted multiple pieces about and from Diane. You can read them by clicking on the category Dear Diane, at the bottom of this post.

I wrote this poem based on my experience today at the doctor’s office. However, it also applies to Diane’s situation. I’m proud to offer it in honor of her courage, good humor, honest emotions and struggles with God and with herself. Though she lost almost all voluntary capacities (such as speech and voluntary muscle movement), she never lost her mind or her great heart.

© Elouise Renich Fraser, 7 February 2017
Response to WordPress Daily Prompt: Tremble

6 Comments
December 8, 2016

My voice is my Treasure

All my life I’ve lived under a shadow of silence. I don’t even know what to call it. It was my hiding place. A gigantic dark place. A cloud of thunder and lightning. Winds whipping trees in the night. Holding my breath until I thought I would burst. Watching my back lest I be caught unawares.

I began this blog because I wanted to find my voice. Not my professional voice, but my personal voice. It peeked out from time to time, but quickly retreated when challenged or under threat. I loved my voice, but I didn’t yet treasure it. Nor did I see it as a treasure.

I’ve been blogging for nearly three years. At first Read the rest of this entry »

14 Comments
December 7, 2016

The Real Thing

My magic wand wish for today:
That I could change protest into pro-test. 

Would that not solve most of the world’s ills?
Expose misbegotten promises that bode no good? 

For a small example, take this morning:
My cheery alarm clock starts beeping on time 

My body, mind and spirit aren’t ready to be on time
Yet my cheery alarm just gets louder and louder
I am forced to turn it off and turn over 

Don’t assume I want to get up.
Don’t assume what you promise is what I need.
Don’t assume what you promise is what I will get. 

I just want to know
Are you and your promises The Real Thing?

© Elouise Renich Fraser, 7 Dec 2016
Response to WordPress Daily Prompt: Protest

8 Comments
November 11, 2016

Nation of Strangers

Nation of strangers
Forced choices
No winners
In this cacophony
Of bitter loss
And gleeful victory

Strangers to ourselves
In a never-never land
Indivisibly standing
Beneath competing flags
Disunited yet One
In Strangerhood

I thought I knew you
Until I didn’t
You my neighbor
My sister my brother
My one-time ally
Whose words now chill my heart

Niceness covered a multitude
Of pain and betrayal buried
In fear-filled hearts
Smiles helped us get by
Until we couldn’t any longer
Forced choices

Dare I go public
With fear and grief
Or do I smile and make nice
Nod when I hear
Everything will work out for the best
No matter what the cost

How do I retain integrity
Honor my neighbors
My womanhood
My patriotism
My Christian conscience
My personal and public dignity

I don’t want to be a Stranger
Or find you’ve become a Stranger
Dare I begin now
By looking you in the eye
How do you feel today?
Tell me about it — or not.

© Elouise Renich Fraser, 11 November 2016
Response to WordPress Daily Prompt: Or

14 Comments
October 28, 2016

Life Rearranged | A Dream

dream-crusher

My dream, right before waking this morning:

I’ve just arrived at the home of a woman I met somewhere but don’t yet know. She invited me to come and see her. I brought along a few things to show her and talk about—though she didn’t say exactly why she wanted me to visit. Read the rest of this entry »

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October 26, 2016

Queen for a Day Bans

grandpa-gury-jer-egr-erf-2-dec-1944_0002

I hate the word ‘banned’
My father was the King of Bans
My life as a child was ruled by Bans
My father’s list of Thou shalt Nots
conveniently fenced me in
and robbed evil of its hate-filled power

Wrong!
A thousand times wrong!
The wrong on the tip of my tongue
The wrong in the imaginations of my heart
The wrong in my never-delivered tirades
The wrong my father, and then I did to my body and soul
Haunts me seven decades later

I’m a Queen
though not by succession
I sometimes proclaim myself Queen
Crown myself and decide for myself
What I will and will not do or say
In the secret places of my mind and heart
from which I banned my father

I hereby proclaim myself Queen for a Day
And designate my personal bans for this day–
The 103rd anniversary of my deceased father’s birth

I hereby ban
self-neglect of my female body and soul
that minimizes its need to be respected and cared for
as a gift entrusted to me by God

I hereby ban
All assumptions about my father
Including whether he would or would not
accept my forgiveness

Finally, I hereby ban
Any shred of fear or self-righteousness
That keeps me from opening my heart
to God’s overwhelming love and acceptance of me.

© Elouise Renich Fraser, 26 October 2016
Photo of my father, maternal grandfather, mother and me, 1943/44

WordPress Daily Prompt: Banned

10 Comments
October 25, 2016

Transformational Stew

bnut-squash-chickpea-red-lentil-stew

Simple Beginnings Transformed:

  • butternut squash, chickpeas, red lentils, onion, carrots, broth, cumin, saffron, ginger, tomato paste plus lime juice, nuts or nut butter, salt/pepper.

Six to Eight Transformational Hours in the slow cooker:

  • low heat, eventual sweating, steaming, slight bubbling, melting squash and lentils, softening beans, carrots and onions, merging concentrated flavors. Simple, Nutritious, Delicious! Transformational food for my transformed body and mood.

Transformed Body and Mood? Absolutely! Consider the following evidence.

When I finished getting this process started in the kitchen, Transformation followed!

  • I’m already anticipating what will be ready for supper.
  • Congratulating myself that it’s actually in the crock pot.
  • Keeping my nose tuned for aromas that will permeate the house like incense.
  • To say nothing of relishing the Transformational Thought that I won’t need to cook anything like this for several days.

And that’s not all. Even before the stew, I woke up this morning thinking Transformative Thoughts about my life. Little things like scheduling tea with a neighbor I met while out on one of my daily walks; giving a few of my children’s books to the young twins who live next door; praying short, simple, silent prayers for people I see and think about each day, including myself—instead of fretting about getting my prayers ‘right.’

If you’re interested in the recipe for this Transformative Slow Cooker Stew, you’ll find it right here. Or better yet, why not get out your stew pot and start your own favorite Transformational Stew?

This impromptu Transformational Post comes with great thanks to WordPress Daily Post for today’s word: transformation.

© Elouise Renich Fraser, 25 October 2016
Photo of stew from Eating Well Recipes

Transformation

8 Comments
October 21, 2016

Millions of Small Potatoes

small-potatoes

Salt of the earth
Gone underground
Difficult to sow
Backbreaking to harvest
Millions of them
Grains of sand
Galaxies in the sky
Drops in the sea
Uncounted millions
Tossed aside
Trampled on
Taken for granted
Overlooked and underestimated
Our hope for the future
When we’re willing to plough
The good earth
Bend over backwards
Shed a few tears
Get our hands grimy—
No small potato left behind

From One Small Potato to Millions of Others
With Love, Hope, Vision
and Gratitude for the Faithful
Who refused to leave me behind.
Elouise♥

© Elouise Renich Fraser, 21 October 2016
Response to WordPress Daily Prompt: Millions
Photo of grimy small potatoes found at agannex.com

2 Comments
October 19, 2016

My Underground Ally

tongue-posture

The very first exercise my physical therapist assigned me was simple. Keep your tongue on the roof of your mouth at all times, except when you’re eating, talking or swallowing. Who would have thought this small change would produce a moment of enlightenment?

Well, it did. That’s because I’m also learning to notice when my tongue wanders from its designated parking space. Here’s how it happened. Read the rest of this entry »

4 Comments
October 18, 2016

The Waiting Room

waiting_room3

Body parts visible and invisible
Come and go like clockwork
Silently seek relief
My eyes wander
Linger on each bundle of hope
Dreaming of a better tomorrow –
The way things used to be

Tomorrow morning, Wednesday, I’ll be back in the waiting room Read the rest of this entry »

2 Comments