Telling the Truth

connecting the dots of my life

Tag: The Dean and I

The Dean and I | My Best Boss

DSCN2126

Langdell Hall, Harvard Law School

What was it about this man who made such a deep impression on me? I tried making some lists. I didn’t throw them away, but I wasn’t happy with them. They’re too cerebral. So I’m going with my gut on this one.

Here’s what I would say to Mr. Griswold today. Granted, I’ve had decades to think about it. Yet only now, after writing about the Dean and I, have I begun to appreciate our relationship.

#1. You were my best Boss ever.
Of all the bosses I’ve had, you were the best. I never told you about my first Boss, and you never asked. I’ll just say that your ways of being Boss were very different. The rest of my talking points highlight several ways you stand out as the best.

#2. You didn’t have issues with women.
I never cringed or felt pressured to humor you by demeaning myself or laughing at other people.  You were more than a decent man. You were a decent human being, part of the human race. Not a superior being who needed to put other people down to feel powerful. There were no bad jokes about women, or other unwanted behavior. Do you know how rare this is? I do.

#3.  You demanded a lot from me, yet you didn’t sweat my mistakes.
I didn’t feel shamed or laughed at. Nor did I fear for my job. You knew more than how to run the Harvard Law School; you knew how to run the office! You were a practical, experienced realist who wasn’t afraid to make your own mistakes and learn from them. Given my up and down history with male bosses, this impresses me.

#4. You combined personal humility with fierce professional resolve.
You didn’t take personal credit for the good, and you didn’t back off from making difficult decisions. That’s because it was never all about you. It was about where we were going and how we would get there together. In the office, not just in the law school. You were uneasy with the limelight; I liked that. It let me know that’s OK in a leader.

#5. Did you know you were my mentor?
You were. I didn’t think about you that way, but I believe it’s true. You didn’t tell me how to run an office. You showed me how you did it. You took things as they came, with calm thoughtfulness. This sometimes went against the atmosphere in the office or in the law school. I’d like to think I learned a little about that from you.

#6. Best of all, you wrote me that letter!
You didn’t just say kind words in front of other people, or sign a greeting card. And you didn’t dictate the letter to a secretary who typed it up for you to sign. You took time to hand-write it. Just for me. Not for my file or for a future employer. Just for me! No letter I’ve ever received from an employer comes close to yours.

Several times during my professional life I needed that letter. Not to show others, but to remind myself of what you saw in me. Even though I didn’t always pull it out to read, I think it was there in my subconscious, not just in my treasure box. A good antidote to other letters I received uninvited and threw away.

Right now I’m remembering you at your stand-up desk every evening, making sure you’ve written all those personal thank-letters to donors, or added your signature and a little note on other letters. The personal touch. That’s what it was all about. Relationships of mutual trust and appreciation. Kind words, always truthful. Thank you for inviting me to be part of your life. You were a blessing I never expected.

© Elouise Renich Fraser, 20 April 2015

Dear Readers | Spring Update

068Outdoor Display, Longwood Gardens

Thanks to each of you for showing up and reading! When I began blogging I knew what I wanted to write about, but I didn’t know what would happen next. Now I know, nearly 380 posts and just over 27,000 views later.

Here’s how I picture it: Read the rest of this entry »

The Dean and I | Part 13 of 13

Labor Room 1960s

Labor Ward, 1960s
No Men Allowed!

One more story and we’re there! We just left the restaurant where we gorged ourselves in honor of Baby’s imminent birth. That was one day before the official due date. It didn’t take long. Read the rest of this entry »

The Dean and I | Part 12

DSCN2121Griswold Hall at Harvard Law School in 2003

D and I were guests in the Griswolds’ house for about six months. Here are two favorite memories from our first months in the house, plus a few pregnancy photos. Baby is due near the end of August.

The Sisters Next Door
Before leaving for Washington, D.C., Mr. Griswold gave us contact information for two sisters who live next door. Shortly after we move in they invite us to lunch. They’ve heard I play the piano. Read the rest of this entry »

The Dean and I | Part 11

Griswold Letter to ERF

Do words in old letters ever die? Here’s Mr. Griswold’s thank-you letter about my work in the dean’s office at Harvard Law School. Click on the letter to enlarge it.

When it arrived in 1967, I showed it to David and put it away. Our first baby was almost ready to be delivered. Besides, Read the rest of this entry »

The Dean and I | Part 10

Anthony's Pier 4, boston-waterfront-anthonys-pier-4_2
Anthony’s Pier 4 Restaurant, Boston Waterfront
(now closed)

Spring 1968.  Mr. Griswold asks D and me to house-sit for him for up to one year. I tell Mr. Griswold I’m pregnant, thinking he might change his mind. He doesn’t. In fact, would D and I be able to move in by early June?

D and I talk it over. We also talk with friends from New Zealand. They plan to return to New Zealand with their baby right after Christmas. We’re at the top of the list for their spacious apartment near the university. Good news, since Mr. Griswold isn’t sure how long he’ll need to have us house-sitting.

Yes, D and I can move in by early June. Mr. Griswold invites us to supper so they can show us the house. Nothing fancy. No need to dress up. Yes, I’m nervous! Is this really happening?

I’ve met Harriet Ford Griswold before, but usually at official social events. She asks about Diane’s and Mom’s polio histories, and tells us her polio history. She’s a woman of great courage.

The house is set up so Mrs. HFG can be as independent as possible. A cook helps with dinner, and a cleaning woman comes every so often. The rest of the time Mrs. HFG is on her own. Even when Mr. G is present she doesn’t expect or want him to do what she can do. She goes into detail about how she gets along by herself most of the time. I wonder whether she’s lonely.

The house is in a residential area, sits on a hill overlooking Boston, and has a yard full of trees. Most impressive, it has a small enclosed elevator for Mrs. HFG. There’s an old piano I’m welcome to play, though hasn’t been tuned for years.

Beyond that, there’s a ground level back door entrance, and doors throughout most of the house are wide enough for a wheelchair. Mr. G keeps the thermostat well below 65° Fahrenheit at night. I think he expects us to conserve energy. Which we do.

The move is easy. We pack our clothes and kitchen, box the books, throw everything into the back of our VW squareback and drive off.

Back at the office
My co-workers know I’m pregnant, and that D and I are going to house-sit. I have my ‘interview’ with the future interim dean. He sees no reason to let me go, and tells me to stay on as long as I’m able. I’m relieved.

In May, Mr. Griswold takes our office staff out to lunch, with spouses or special friends. We drive to Anthony’s Pier 4 Seafood Restaurant, a favorite with everybody. We have one last lobster feast (pick your own lobster from the tank as you come in), and tell stories about working with Mr. Griswold.

It’s the end of an era. Mr. Griswold is retiring, and the university is going to build a modern law school building, just behind Langdell Hall. The law library will stay in Langdell Hall. The offices we’re in will become part of the new library, but not until I’m gone. I love Langdell Hall.

I continue working until two weeks before my due date in late August. No health problems. Just Boston heat and time out as needed to put up my legs, relax, drink water and make trips to the ladies’ room.

In early August, EW hosts a raucous farewell celebration and baby shower for me at her home. Her round dinner table is filled with friends from work, plus D and a few other spouses. Mr. Griswold is already busy in Washington, D.C.

A few days after the farewell party I receive a hand-written letter from Mr. Griswold. It’s on his new letterhead: The Solicitor General, Washington. Erwin N. Griswold.

I read it several times, stunned by what he says. I show it to D, then put it away. It’s a treasure I don’t know how to unpack just yet. I don’t look at it again for years.

I’m less than one week from delivering our first child.

© Elouise Renich Fraser, 14 April 2015
Photo credit: http://www.webtravelguide.com

The Dean and I | Part 9

Boston Lying-in Hospital, wickipedia.orgBoston Lying-In Hospital for Women (center building),
part of Brigham and Women’s Hospital

It’s early Spring 1968. I’m back at work, and my lips are sealed. No talk about being pregnant. No need. Not yet.

But I do need affordable maternity care. The university refers me to a downtown clinic Read the rest of this entry »

The Dean and I | Part 8

no-visitors-abandoned-hospital-presidio-san-francisco-phsh

It’s December 1967. I’ve worked for Mr. Griswold for just over two years. Right now I’m in the hospital on the university campus. Miserable and getting worse. Read the rest of this entry »

The Dean and I | Part 7

Fundraising Image

Meet my two part-time colleagues in the dean’s office. Without them, I might not have had a job. Their jobs were about money. Lots of it. Read the rest of this entry »

The Dean and I | Part 6

Things don’t always go smoothly at the office. Here’s an example of something that didn’t go smoothly for me. It may seem small and inconsequential. But most big things in my life started out small.  Read the rest of this entry »