Heavy | Mary Oliver
by Elouise
Here’s a lovely, if difficult poem from Mary Oliver. It’s about death. It’s also about learning to be a survivor. I’m posting the poem as a tribute to Diane (Sister #3), born on this day, Easter Sunday 1949 (leap year). Diane died in February 2006 after living more than ten years with ALS. My comments follow.
Heavy
That time
I thought I could not
go any closer to grief
without dyingI went closer,
and I did not die.
Surely God
had His hand in this,as well as friends.
Still, I was bent,
and my laughter,
as the poet said,was nowhere to be found.
Then said my friend Daniel
(brave even among lions),
“It’s not the weight you carrybut how you carry it—
books, bricks, grief—
it’s all in the way
you embrace it, balance it, carry itwhen you cannot, and would not,
put it down.”
So I went practicing.
Have you noticed?Have you heard
the laughter
that comes, now and again,
out of my startled mouth?How I linger to admire, admire, admire
The things of this world
That are kind, and maybealso troubled—
roses in the wind,
the sea geese on the steep waves,
a love
to which there is no reply?© 2006 by Mary Oliver
Thirst, pp.53-54
Published by Beacon Press
Dying isn’t for the weak; neither is surviving. Not as victims of cruel fate or the current pandemic.
In the end, we often don’t have any choice but to live with what we’ve been given. True, we might prefer to die. But Mary challenges us to welcome grief and the opportunity to let it shape our lives for the better, without destroying them.
I also hear Mary inviting us to give ourselves time. Enough time to be surprised at ourselves when laughter and joy sneak in unannounced.
In her case, Mary unexpectedly discovers herself seeing nature differently. Not just as shows of beauty, but as survivors. Like us, the roses and sea geese also live out their love of life in the midst of harsh winds or steep waves.
What could be more invitational and healing that that? Not as a pill we take, but a possibility we choose to embrace.
Elouise♥
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 17 April 2020
Roses in the Wind painted by Anne Costello
Found at saatchiart.com
“… a possibility we choose to embrace.” – lovely and life-giving
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Thank you kindly, Marilyn. Praying all is well with your family.
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Amen.
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Praying all is well with you, Debbie.
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Just found your commentary on “Heavy” which I am about to share with a close friend who suffers from aphasia. Your reflection will surely comfort her.
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What a heavy load. I pray she will indeed find comfort and maybe a little hope. 🙏🏻
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