Tell me if you can, if you dare–
by Elouise
I wrote the poem below early in my blogging days. Back in the 1940s and 50s, I was the oldest of four daughters. My father was an ordained clergyman, loved by many, feared by me. It seems life in these “United States” is becoming more and more like my childhood. Especially, but not only, for women of any age.
I’m grateful for women and men who helped me become the human I am today. Today I don’t bear a grudge against my father. I do, however, see my experience as a window into unnumbered worlds of madness for too many women, children, teenagers, and men. The calling of politicians, church leaders, or pimps is NOT to force us into the mold of their making.
When did it all begin?
When did I enter your supply chain?
When did I become a commodity, a disposable object
not for sale but for use on demand,
with or without pay?
When did I become your toy
to imagine as prey,
to stalk, hunt down,
toss around and torment
with or without warning?
When did I become candy for your eyes,
your imagination,
the desires of your heart?
When did it all begin?
Was it the moment I was born?
The moment you laid your eyes on me?
Then your rules, your hands, your cane,
your ruler, and wooden spoon paddle?
When did paddling become beating?
As though you could whip me into shape.
What did you see in me?
A human being created in God’s image?
Or just another rebellious, angry, willful little girl—
A challenge to your male authority.
A game, an object to be studied, touched, scolded,
played with, experimented with,
held close/held at bay, shamed, humiliated,
denied voice, dignity, will and privacy.
What were you thinking?
When did I become a projection of your stern will
and your lonely, terrified heart?
Not even a ghost of myself
No matter what I wore or didn’t wear
What I said or didn’t say
How I said it or didn’t say it
What I did or didn’t do
When did I become your enemy to be hunted down and subdued,
locked in the bar-less cage of your aching, demanding,
never-satisfied self?
Tell me if you can, if you dare—
When did it all begin?
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 26 June 2014, reposted 5 July 2022
Image found at thewei.com
Telling the Truth 
Wow! Very powerful. Thank you for your courage in speaking truth to power. ❤️
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Thank you, Dawn. When I came across this old post about my father’s treatment of me, I was stunned–given our current descent into madness and, for many, despair.
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So powerful.
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Thank you, Marilyn. I wonder what our church is going to do in response to current realities. I’ve often wondered how many women, children, youth and men in our church were (or are being right now) abused by another family member or person of power. The stakes are high, yet the recognition of ongoing abuse is still not a welcome topic of conversation.
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Oh my. That is so powerful. Says it all, really.
I’m wondering whether the recent overturning of Roe v Wade, and other changes of this ilk, will inspire young American women of all stratas of social life and class to come out to vote.
You may have seen with our recent Australian elections, a rising up of independent candidates, many of them women, who are challenging the status quo of the two party system, and what was becoming an embedded shift to the right, dominated by white conservative males.
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If there’s a silver lining, Gwen, that would be wonderful. Some politicians are hoping for this. I’ll believe it when I see it. Unfortunately, many conservative churches in the USA believe they’re here to help keep this “purge” movement going. Bolstered, of course, by organizations that have fought for decades to get Roe v Wade overturned. When this Supreme Court decision is put alongside other recent decisions, it’s clear we’re now playing with fire–despite the wishes/votes of citizens who have to live with all this madness. I think I need to read up on your recent elections. Over here, the two-party system (though we do have an “Independent” category) is deeply entrenched and unlikely to change. Still, the uproar over Roe v Wade may well bring out more votes than usual for a mid-term election.
On another note, I’ve been watching the news about flooding in Sydney. I hope you’re doing well–as in staying dry. 🙂
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I’ve been thinking more on the electoral business. I am really out of my depth re the American system. Compulsory voting is entrenched in Australia, so we don’t have to think too hard about getting most people to get out and do it.
What is not entrenched in our system is the interdependence between state and church. I don’t think I have given enough credence to the power of the church in America to dictate to the population how to think – and therefore vote, if they do. (This dissolved in Australia around the early 1970s, with a last few years staggering on via the Catholic Church).
We are a hugely multicultural society with a by-and-large tolerant attitude to people being able to practice their preferred religion – if they have one, that is. For example, Paol Soren recently wrote an article about a Muslim security guard postponing his tourist access to a Christian church while the service was in progress.
Perhaps I am being too idealistic to think young women will use the power of their vote to effect change, because maybe they are too swayed by the group think they hear in church? It’s not my business to cast judgement, and not my problem either, on the one hand – on the other, it is, because, for the moment at least, Australia can be influenced by America.
The other big difference is in our constitution and how we transfer that into our daily lives. Australia’s was formed largely as a vehicle to decide which powers the individual colonies (now states) would cede when we became a federation in 1901. The population is generally ignorant or apathetic of its individual clauses, which is a major difference with the US, where each can be cited or twisted to fit the agenda of
the person quoting it.
It’s all very scary when you pit a population of 330 million against our measly 28 million. I have no desire to live in a Margaret Attwood dystopian future of female disempowerment.
Okay…floods. Yeah. Bad, bad, and even badder. We went: drought, drought, drought, drought, bushfires, flood, coronavirus, flood, flood, flood, flood. Bill and I are currently sleeping in our guest bedroom, while we wait for ours to dry out. This time we lifted the carpet and underlay ourselves early in the piece, when we heard the water running down our wall at 4am. That was six days ago. It’s all getting very tiresome, but at least we are not homeless, nor living in a home that has become uninsurable. Many are not so fortunate.
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Many thanks, Gwen, for your clear, concise review of Australia/USA realities.
As a theologian (and given the reality that the founding of the USA was purportedly as religious as it was political), it’s clear that the impact of various religious groups has been huge from the beginning. Our most-loved patriotic songs are about God’s great blessings to our great nation. Sadly, what’s missing in history books are the tragic facts and stories of multiple people-groups (not just black slaves, but also, for example, American Indian, Chinese and Italian slaves Their hard labor with very little pay was actually a caste system that placed white people at the top. Slavery (of all kinds) in the USA has been the backbone of white male power. Granted, white male power gave certain white women more power. Still, in the South and Northeast, women’s labor was unregulated and horrendously costly (mass fires in factories that used lower-class women of any color to slave away at sewing machines, for example).
Churches, especially Protestant and Roman Catholic, have played a huge role in all this. Most obvious and troubling has been the intentional or unintentional reliance on male members of church sessions (the highest power in most Protestant churches). Women are still a small minority when it comes to senior pastors. Also, it isn’t strange that today Trump’s greatest following comes from conservative Christian congregations that claim allegiance to Trump as well as God. They are many, and they are ready for the fight, despite findings of the current investigation into the January 6, 2020, attack on Congress.
Unfortunately, elections here tend to be swayed by money and the ability to promise what may or may not ever be delivered. The option to change voting district lines is open for debate, based on the outcomes of the latest major election. The point is to make sure the lines drawn (for voting districts) is fair to both parties. Sadly, this is one of those behind doors issues that has its own impact on how important individual votes may or may not be.
Your reference to Margaret Atwood’s vision of female disempowerment is, in my view, alive and well. Not just since Trump decided to go political, but from decades back, following WW II. Women had proven they were at least as capable as men. Then the slow and inescapable push to get women back where they ‘belonged’ (in the house, having babies, ironing clothes, getting supper on the table, smiling a lot and making men happy) took over, especially in the world of privileged women (mostly white). And yes, churches of all kinds fell in step, often citing Scripture as needed in order to keep women in their ‘proper’ places. This, of course, leaves out completely the reality of women who are not white, or who are poor and white. What a mess.
I’m glad to hear you’re still in your house, despite the challenge. We get news of Australia frequently, especially when there’s a major weather emergency. I fear these weather changes aren’t going to end any time soon.
Well…that was a bit long! Thanks for reading and commenting.
Elouise 🙂
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I enjoyed the read and the exchange Elouise. Not too long at all. Stimulating conversation. I remember reading how in the early 20th century, I can’t remember in which county/state, regulations were changed to take away the ability of blacks to vote. Then I was appalled to read that just recently, electoral boundaries were changed to disenfranchise them again. (I’m a bit light on details here). As for exploitation of working class women, Radium Girls by Kate Moore is relevant.
I must hasten to add we are not lily white in Australia either. Our record on treatment of our indigenous population is appalling. The results of our last census have just been released, and it shows that sector of our population is the fastest growing! (relatively speaking). It means that people are no longer fearful of identifying as Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander. In the past, it meant discrimination, lack of job opportunities, and the removal of children into mission homes. Very similar to your history with the native population.
And money buys political parties, and they buy votes – it’s all so disheartening, and all the more amazing that some independents got in!
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I enjoyed it, too, Gwen! I apologize for being a bit slow getting back to you. The shifting sand (who can vote, where and when they can vote, documents to fill in precisely, voting districts changed at will by too many invested parties, the downsizing of numbers working at voting stations, times they open and close, etc.) is constantly on the move. It’s infuriating, discouraging, and downright undemocratic. It makes a mockery of what we call “democracy.” Thanks for the book title. I haven’t read Radium Girls but will look into it. Right now the inquiry into Trump’s behavior following our last election is at least stirring up the waters. Cheers!
Elouise
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Unfortunately Elouise, I think many Christian leaders are so locked into the Old Testament Bible that they haven’t bothered to look at the New Testament.
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Your comment made me smile. Many Christian leaders over here (especially more conservative preachers) tend to shy away from preaching from the Old Testament. As for the New Testament, many don’t get the radical nature of Jesus because they haven’t taken time to study the OT as Part I of Part II. I think my father’s method was to make use of any and all verses in the Bible that (in his opinion) required him to use the rod as often as needed.
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(((HUGS)))
❤️ ❤️ ❤️
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Thank you, Carolyn. 🙂
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I echo the comments above…powerful, Elouise.
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Thanks, Don.
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I can only echo previous comments: Wow! Incredibly powerful. Thank you, Elouise!
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You’re welcome, Nancy. 🙏🏻
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Thank you, Elouise, for speaking the truth into the face of so-called power. Grace and peace to you…
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Your words paint a vivid picture. There’s so much awful news on social media. WP is the only site I really enjoy getting on and reading. Everything else is so judgmental as Christians post what other Christians are doing (with pics) and what they should be doing instead. Or Christians judging the world viciously. And neither works, nor were we told by Jesus to do those things. We were told to judge ourselves, love God and our neighbors. And that God would judge the world.
I feel like we live in a world of immense hate, and that even perpetuated by people who claim they are Christians like me. Some of these people I know love the Lord, so it perplexes me when they validate racism or other hate. I understand why non-Christians do or say what they do and say. I don’t understand Christians though. It breaks my heart that so much hurt has been caused by people who say they belong to God.
I live in the Bible Belt, and yet how many children have been hurt by church-going parishioners? I’m sure that would be a sad discovery. I apologize for rambling.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful poetry and how you found healing.
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Thank you for your wonderful comment! I appreciate every word. I also grew up in the Bible Belt, and have experienced the fearmongering and harsh judgment of too many Southern pastors and church members. Sometimes it was directly about me; most of the time, it was preached from the pulpit or taught in Sunday School. We weren’t allowed to ask questions or hear anything but one point of view. In my experience, harsh words and harsh punishment do nothing to support or encourage children and young people to make wise decisions. It’s all about staying out of ‘trouble.’ Sadly, the grooming of young children and teenagers to obey without asking questions often produces young girls and boys who are vulnerable to being misused by strangers. I love your ramble! Thanks, KS!
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I also think it produces the exact behavior that they’re preaching against. Thank you 😊
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Yes! And you’re welcome.
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