Terror, Faith, 9/11/2001 and Today
by Elouise
It’s no accident, this constant ringing in my head each time another unplanned attack takes place on home turf.
We have a long-practiced habit here in the USA. Instead of focusing on our personal problems, we focus intently on those of others. That includes leaders and residents of the USA as well as those of other countries.
Whether we like it or not, our bluff is being called every day and night. Instead of learning to live together as human beings, we’ve majored on becoming a country divided against itself. Worse, we don’t seem ready to examine ourselves as part of the problem.
Back in 2001, I spoke at a seminary-wide gathering to consider the still-fresh bombing of the twin towers in NYC. The only thing I could do with honesty was speak about myself, acknowledging my own lack of readiness to die in an instant.
Here’s what I said then and am saying again today in light of home-grown terror that’s tearing us apart.
It’s difficult to focus.
Voices and images
clamor for my attention,
my response,
my analysis of what is beyond all reason.I force myself to stay close to the bone,
close to home, close to my Christian roots.Death is in the room.
Not a new presence,
not even unexpected.It, too, clamors for my attention,
masquerading in terrible new configurations.I don’t want to die,
especially if I must suffer in my death.From the throne of his cross,
the king of grief cries out….
‘Is it nothing to you, all ye who pass by?’There is no redemption
apart from suffering and death.
None.I want to be redeemed.
I do not want to die, or to suffer.
I am not a very likely candidate for redemption.Death is relentlessly in this room.
My death.
Your death.
Christ’s death.Unfinished family business is in this room.
Violent behaviors and attitudes
passed down from father to daughter;
Habits of not telling the truth,
passed down from mother to daughter;
Withholding of love and affection,
Relentless inspection and fault-finding,
Love wanting expression but finding no voice,
Truth wanting expression but finding no listening ear.Unfinished family business is in the room with death–
A gnawing ache more than my body can bear.I like to think I’m ready to die.
But I am not.
Nor will I ever be.
Not today, not tomorrow,
Not in a thousand tomorrows.If I say I am ready to die,
I deceive myself,
and the truth is not in me.There’s always more work to be done–
Unfinished family business
Unfinished seminary business
Unfinished church and community business
Unfinished personal businessChrist died to relieve me
of the awful, paralyzing expectation
that one of these days
I will finally be ready to die.Christ finished his work so that
I could leave mine unfinished
without even a moment’s notice.The Heidelberg Catechism says it all–
“What is your only comfort in life and death?
“My only comfort, in life and in death, is that I belong–body and soul, in life and in death–not to myself but to my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ….”
These days I’m praying for small ways to make lifegiving connections with those I love and those I too often love to hate.
Elouise♥
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 12 July 2022
News photo found at http://www.nbcnews.com
Telling the Truth 
You have and I have unfinished business – we aren’t unique in that. But there is some business that we will never be able to finish so we need to make sure that we try to finish what we start today. I am sure that one small apology is ten times greater than all the hurts.
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Thanks for this comment, John. I can’t help thinking of all our grand plans (here in the USA) to take care of yesterday and today’s unfinished business. The hardest thing of all is to make as you say, “one small apology”. Especially from the perpetrator or from someone who finally sees what’s really happening to human beings being used for less than admirable reasons.
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It’s interesting that you mention death and dying. MY father quite often said, “I don’t fear death but I do fear dying.” God was very gracious to him. He had a sudden heart attack and that was that. Not so good for his wife but she [badly crippled like she was] carried on faithfully. As we say here in Australia – They both had guts. Wonderful parents.
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Thanks, Robin. My mother had a difficult but fairly comfortable end (following a brain hemorrhage). My father, on the other hand, fought like crazy against death, prolonging the anguish over many months. I’m grateful for the hospice care both of them received. The difference between them, I think, is that my mother was ready to go; my father fought to stay alive even though he didn’t have the capacity to take care of himself or anyone else.
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So many people are dying, as you wrote, ‘death is in this room.’ But especially Christians who think they’re OK bc they call themselves so, but they aren’t feeding themselves. Just like eating once a week, by going to church once a week, sometimes even less, they are spiritually starving, anorexic as they rely on a man to tell them the word. Though they neglect to feed themselves. Is it any wonder our world is in the shape it is in?
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Thanks for your comment. It’s a horrible way to starve oneself. Especially when there are so many ways of feeding our spirits, whether it’s Sunday or not. I fear our addiction to constant comment news, entertainment, and staying connected with friends has crowded out time for feeding our souls, spirits, minds, and hearts.
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