spring’s torrential rains

by Elouise

spring’s torrential rains
reshape the inner landscape
of my old-soul heart

 Where am I?
What’s going on?
I feel lost on my own home ground
or is it found?

I keep asking myself
Why aren’t you happy?  Relieved?
Eager to press on?
Aren’t you getting closer to what you long for–
Laying down your heavy load of
self-blame, shame, and
deeply rooted need to protect your father?

 Yes, but I’m tired.
Torn between hope and anguish.
The old landmarks aren’t there.
Were they ever there?
So much lost to the floods.
Maybe I should just
Stop Now.

Fighting to stay awake, half-way alert yet
Clear about the work ahead,
Longing to lay it down

Rousing myself once more
I can taste, touch and smell the prize.

Time for a long walk outdoors in this world–
the world God loves so much.

Haiku written 20 May 2014
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 20 May 2014