From my journal on Sunday, at 4:15am:
Sleep has vanished. I’m restless, uncomfortable, still taking in the reality that I have 3 weeks (not 2!) to go yet with the wires. And that I’m nearly 10 pounds below my ‘normal’ 112 pounds. Read the rest of this entry »
Dear Friends,
This week was a roller coaster. Highs and lows one after the other. Still, I wrote in my journal and will post some pieces later. The picture is messy. Not because it’s ugly, but because it isn’t logical or sensible.
In the midst of the ups and downs I’ve followed George MacDonald’s sonnets for May. Some keep drawing me back for another read. Not because they’re profound, but because they’re simple and speak to my heart and situation right now.
Here’s one I’ve read over and over the last few days. It comforts me during this extended, unexpected Sabbath rest.
May 26
My prayers, my God, flow from what I am not;
I think thy answers make me what I am.
Like weary waves thought follows upon thought.
But the still depth beneath is all thine own,
And there thou mov’st in paths to us unknown.
Out of strange strife thy peace is strangely wrought;
If the lion in us pray—thou answerest the lamb.George MacDonald, Diary of an Old Soul
Augsburg Fortress Press 1994
I identify with every line, every word, every nuance. Especially the contrast between what I am not and what I am. Not because of myself, but because of the way God answers me. Not in kind, but in ways only a little lost lamb understands.
Stubbornly (!), God keeps responding to the little lost lamb. Taming my anger, showing me who I am in God’s eyes. Reassuring me, like waves that keep washing up on the shore, that God is found in the depths of the ocean. Not in the wearying repetition of my human effort to make a mark on life.
Elouise ♥
© Elouise Renich Fraser, 28 May 2016
Image found at cityviewchurch.com.au
I’ve said it so many times—if I don’t write, I’m not living. I’m not in touch with myself. I’m drifting. Sinking. Lost in a fog. Unable to focus.
Since my fall and surgery, add to that: Read the rest of this entry »
Dear Friends,
The last three weeks went by in a blinding flash. Seemingly at warp speed, beginning with the moment I knew I was going to land smack on the pavement.
Yet it feels like ages ago. Read the rest of this entry »
Dear Readers,
As you may know, one week ago I fell and fractured my left jaw. I was on my way to get a haircut. I’ve been at a loss for words. Last night I wrote this before going to bed. It’s my answer to the question everyone asks me–and that I ask myself. Read the rest of this entry »
For several weeks I’ve wondered about this poem by Emily Dickinson. What’s it all about? Do I get it yet? I’m not sure. I do, however, think it gets me right now.
I stepped from Plank to Plank
A slow and cautious way
The Stars about my Head I felt
About my Feet the Sea.I knew not but the next
Would be my final inch –
This gave me that precarious Gait
Some call Experience.c. 1864
Emily Dickinson Poems, Edited by Brenda Hillman
Shambhala Pocket Classics, Shambhala 1995
As usual, there’s precious little Read the rest of this entry »
My greatest anxiety the morning of my procedure wasn’t whether I’d make it through the procedure. It was whether I’d make it to the operating room….
#6
Fasting
plus no liquids
equals no picnic today!
I’m still in the prep room. I’ve survived a failed attempt Read the rest of this entry »
Right now I feel lighter than air! This morning I met with an electro-physiologist for a second opinion about my heart. He was direct, personable and clear.
When I left his office, I felt my stress and anxiety begin to lift. My next step will be Read the rest of this entry »
The sun is shining! I’m alive and getting clear about what to do and what not to do to help my one and only heart. Here’s a quick update just for you!
First, the good news. Read the rest of this entry »
Today I couldn’t help noticing that three people viewed my June 2015 post on Sabbath Sloth. That made me happy! So I checked it out, admired the sinfully relaxed sloth, and was struck by several things. Read the rest of this entry »
Telling the Truth 